Gollum Comments On Battlestar Galactica
GOLLUM INTERVIEWED BY INTERSTELLAR NEWS
IN:
Firstly, just how does a Gollum know about battlestar galactica?
GOLLUM
Precious sees all! Precious gave Gollum vcr! Gollum loves videos! COUGH! COUGH!
IN:
Wow. So, what’s your favorite episode of Battlestar Galactica?
GOLLUM:
Er.. Gollum likes one with big fire in space! Very nice! Reminds Gollum of Mordor!
IN:
Have you ever visited Caprica?
GOLLUM:
No. Gollum too shy to be with such pretty pretty people. WE’LL STRANGLE THEIR NECK WON’T WE?!
IN: Strangle their necks??
GOLLUM:
No! Gollum loves Capricans! Gollum would never hurt Capricans!
IN:
The ring is treacherous. There’s no promise you can make that will make me believe you.
GOLLUM:
Gollum has 50 cubits.
IN:
I suppose I could trust you. Tell me, what do you think of the remake of Battlestar Galactica?
GOLLUM:
Terrible! Ronald Moore promised he’d make good show! He’s a tricksy! He tricksied us! COUGH!! COUGH!!
IN:
I think the trailer looks pretty exciting.
GOLLUM:
Yes, however, the interpersonal relationships within the show are more or less related to poor subtext.
IN:
I think your IQ just spiked for a moment there.
GOLLUM;
Sorry. Gollum sometimes make wordy. WORDY PLAY, MAKES GOLLUM SWAY, MAKES GOLLUM SOUND SO SWEEEEEEET!
IN:
Gollum, I have to say you’re one seriously creepy son of a bitch.
GOLLUM:
RONALD MOORE IS SUCH A BORE, HE’S WRITING READS SO BLAND. I READ HIS SCRIPT, IT WAS PURE SH*T AND NOW I CANNOT SLEEEEEEP!
IN:
Stop singing!
GOLLUM:
Sorry, master.
IN:
I’m not your master.
GOLLUM:
Sorry non-master.
IN:
Is it true you’re real name is Smeagol?
GOLLUM:
Yes. It’s also Larry Fishberger THEN Smeagol and THEN Gollum.
IN:
Is it true you have a cameo in the new Battlestar Galactica miniseries?
GOLLUM;
Yes. Gollum’s agent from CAA called and say that Bonnie wants Gollum to play the new muffit! COUGH!! COUGH!!
IN: How was it?
GOLLUM:
Gollum sad, couldn’t play part. Too busy leading master Frodo to Mordor. Had to reschedual. So instead Gollum doing Pepsi commercial in Daytona Beach.
IN:
One last question, do you still have the urge to get the ring back?
GOLLUM:
Yes. Gollum given cylon baseship to get ring back! Gollum will GET HIS PRECIOUS BACK! ARRRGRH!!!!
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