Gollum Comments On Battlestar Galactica
 

GOLLUM INTERVIEWED BY INTERSTELLAR NEWS

IN:
Firstly, just how does a Gollum know about battlestar galactica?

GOLLUM
Precious sees all! Precious gave Gollum vcr! Gollum loves videos! COUGH! COUGH!

IN:
Wow. So, what’s your favorite episode of Battlestar Galactica?

GOLLUM:
Er.. Gollum likes one with big fire in space! Very nice! Reminds Gollum of Mordor!

IN:
Have you ever visited Caprica?

GOLLUM:
No. Gollum too shy to be with such pretty pretty people. WE’LL STRANGLE THEIR NECK WON’T WE?!

IN: Strangle their necks??

GOLLUM:
No! Gollum loves Capricans! Gollum would never hurt Capricans!

IN:
The ring is treacherous. There’s no promise you can make that will make me believe you.

GOLLUM:
Gollum has 50 cubits.

IN:
I suppose I could trust you. Tell me, what do you think of the remake of Battlestar Galactica?

GOLLUM:
Terrible! Ronald Moore promised he’d make good show! He’s a tricksy! He tricksied us! COUGH!! COUGH!!

IN:
I think the trailer looks pretty exciting.

GOLLUM:
Yes, however, the interpersonal relationships within the show are more or less related to poor subtext.

IN:
I think your IQ just spiked for a moment there.

GOLLUM;
Sorry. Gollum sometimes make wordy. WORDY PLAY, MAKES GOLLUM SWAY, MAKES GOLLUM SOUND SO SWEEEEEEET!

IN:
Gollum, I have to say you’re one seriously creepy son of a bitch.

GOLLUM:
RONALD MOORE IS SUCH A BORE, HE’S WRITING READS SO BLAND. I READ HIS SCRIPT, IT WAS PURE SH*T AND NOW I CANNOT SLEEEEEEP!

IN:
Stop singing!

GOLLUM:
Sorry, master.

IN:
I’m not your master.

GOLLUM:
Sorry non-master.

IN:
Is it true you’re real name is Smeagol?

GOLLUM:
Yes. It’s also Larry Fishberger THEN Smeagol and THEN Gollum.

IN:
Is it true you have a cameo in the new Battlestar Galactica miniseries?

GOLLUM;
Yes. Gollum’s agent from CAA called and say that Bonnie wants Gollum to play the new muffit! COUGH!! COUGH!!

IN: How was it?

GOLLUM:
Gollum sad, couldn’t play part. Too busy leading master Frodo to Mordor. Had to reschedual. So instead Gollum doing Pepsi commercial in Daytona Beach.

IN:
One last question, do you still have the urge to get the ring back?

GOLLUM:
Yes. Gollum given cylon baseship to get ring back! Gollum will GET HIS PRECIOUS BACK! ARRRGRH!!!!