Clean joke of the day.

[Damocles]

If 50% of adults are illiterate, how come only got 43% were part of the vote?

The good news about Congress health care is that everyone will be covered. The bad news is that it will be with dirt.

If character is not an issue, why isn't Ted Kennedy president?

[Damocles]

This knucklehead threw out the openimg pitch on baseball's opening day but like most of his pitches it was high and to the left.

If Fearless Leader wanted legislation to burn down the Capitol building, the opposition in the Senate would introduce a compromise bill to burn it down over three years.

Food stamps are rationed so what makes you think government-run health care won't be?

[Damocles]

No one can call this bozo in the White House a cheap taxpayer. Look at how much he is costing the taxpayers.

When Congress passes a law, it's a joke...but when Fearless Leader tells a joke, it's the law?

Ever since he learned about JFK, this bozo wanted to be president in the worst possible way...now he's succeeding beyond his wildest dreams.

[Damocles]

Oxymoron of 2010: Progressive Development.

Have you heard about the new President doll? You pull the string and it never tells the same story twice!

A George Bush watch has no hands and says "read my lips."
A Ross Perot watch only runs sometimes.
A Fearless Leader watch has two faces and neither one works.

[Damocles]

One thing's sure about Fearless Leader--he sure doesn't neglect domestic affairs.

Bob Kerrey, when asked about Bill Clinton dodging the draft: "Do I care if he evaded the draft? Well, a part of me does." [Mr. Kerrey lost a leg in Vietnam]

Fearless Leader. The perfect thing if pro wrestling is too complicated for you.

[Damocles]

A 200 dollar hair cut? What kind of example does that set? With hair like that bozo we have in the White House, two hundred bucks isn't enough to make it look right.

"Death, Taxes, and Democrats will always be with us, at least Death never gets any worse"

Why doesn't Fearless Leader have the courage to call his plan what it really is? "Socialism"

[Damocles]

Fearless leader is not a "tax and spend" politician, he is a "contribute and invest" politician.

On the Apirl 13, 2008 Tonight show, Jay Leno noted in his monologue that Congress had broken so many promises that they have actually run out of promises to break! So they have asked aids to bring a list of all of Reagan's, Clinton's and Bush's promises, so they can start working on breaking their promises too!

I've heard of the Clintons being referred to as Billary, combining Bill and Hillary. Well, why not switch it around and say "Hillbilly"... Hey! That fits all too well. And please I mean no offense to the President. Or her husband.

[Damocles]

From The Simpsons in April of 1993:
[Bart] Didn't you think there was something wrong when you were getting checks for doing nothing?
[Grandpa] I thought it was because the Democrats were back in power.

Reporter 1: The cult members seem totally brainwashed, and still place their blind faith in a false savior offering hollow promises of salvation!
Reporter 2: And that concludes our report from the White House.

[Damocles]

The two U.S. cities with the highest alcohol consumption are Las Vegas and Washington, DC. The difference between the two is that in Washington the drunks are gambling with our money!

"Change, change, change... That's all we'll have in our pockets if that idiot is elected president." -- George Bush (about himself?)

[Damocles]

MTV on Clinton

"Bill's brother who who owns a band, Politics, will be playing at the inauguration if Bill Clinton gets elected. Bill's brother will bring down the house just like Bill Clinton will bring down the country." -- MTV News

Vote Democrat... It's easier than getting a job.

"They are Drawing Up Lists of Tax Increases and Cuts in Entitlement Programs. One Target: Big Corporations"

[Damocles]

Which is worse, a Vice-President who can't spell or a President who can't add?

There are too many bills to pay without having to pay the one in Washington.

We were so poor that even this nut's tax plan would't call us rich.

[Damocles]

"When Fearless Leader said he was going to create 8 million new jobs, I didn't think they were all going to be tax collectors." -- Jay Leno

The trouble with political jokes is that the dumbest one of them got elected President.

[Damocles]

Clinton Joke

Election night
Bill: ``Honey, we won!''
Hillary: ``Honestly?!''
Bill: ``Let's not bring that up...''

[Damocles]

This President is trying to sell us a no-frills medical care plan. Trouble is, medical care in it is a frill.

Fearless Leader: ``Have you heard my last speech?''
Actual president: ``No, I didn't know it was the last one!''

Want to leave the other country absolutely devasted? Ruined? Unable to function for years?
Well, great, bring the troops home and send over some politicians.

[Damocles]

One advantage this one has over past presidents is that he doesn't have to worry about how much time he should spend on his re-election campaign.

Oxymoron of the century:
Liberal Mastermind . . .
Whitewater Development

[Damocles]

Bill Clinton . . . a good reason not to root for anyone playing Arkansas.

I don't trust the President or her husband.

The Administration: Stupid is as stupid does.

[Damocles]

Democrats seem to think they have a monopoly on protest and stupidity.

Politician virus - System makes lots of noise, but nothing happens.

[Post 1994 Election aftermath]
I hear that thousands of rafts overflowing with Democrats are washing up on the shores of Cuba.

[Damocles]

This administration has provided the special prosecutor with every shred of evidence they have." -- Al Gore

President Bevis, Vice President Butthead
I thought that happened in November of 2008.

There was a line in George's speech where he said I raised taxes one time and I lived to regret it. Congress actually did it 132 times and loved every minute.

[Damocles]

"When this adminstration blows his taxophone, America will be singing the blues." -- George Bush (again about himself?)

Fearless Leader: "I will consult both sides of the issue on Free Trade."
Reporter: "Uh, That would be you, sir!"

After seeing footage from the new movie "The Lion King," I want to dedicate a movie to Fearless Leader. I'd like to call it "The Lying President."

[Damocles]

The very high health care costs
Health care costs are rising uncontrollably across the world. In America, taxes have been on the rise just to pay for them.

In England, they have begun rationing health care services and in some cases they have waiting lists for services just to reduce costs even more. In fact, they now have a nine month waiting list for abortions.

[Damocles]

President Carter's "funny" joke
In an interview with David Letterman, Carter passed along an anecdote of a translation problem in Japan. Carter was speaking at a business lunch in Tokyo, where he decided to open his speech with a brief joke.

He told the joke, then waited for the translator to announce the Japanese version. Even though the story was quite short, Carter was surprised by how quickly the interpreter was able to re-tell it. Even more impressive was the reaction from the crowd. Carter thought the story was cute, but not outright hilarious, yet the crowd broke right up. Carter was very flattered.

After the speech, Carter wanted to meet the translator to ask him how he told the joke. Perhaps there is better way to tell the joke?

When Carter asked how the joke had been told in Japanese, the translator responded, "I told them, 'President Carter has told a very stupid joke. Please laugh now.'"

[Damocles]

Democrats versus Republicans

1. Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere and never read them. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group, discuss pros and cons, and then ban them.

2. Republicans consume three-fourths of all the rutabaga produced in this country. The remainder is thrown out to the hogs.

3. Republicans usually wear hats and always clean their paint brushes.

4. Democrats give their worn-out clothes to those less fortunate. Republicans wear theirs.

5. Republicans employ exterminators. Democrats step on the bugs.

6. Democrats name their children after currently-popular sports figures, politicians, and entertainers. Republican children are named after their parents or grandparents, according to where the money is.

7. Democrats keep trying to cut down on smoking but are not successful. Republicans raise tobacco to sell to Democrats.

8. Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, although there is seldom any reason why they should. Democrats ought to, but don't.

9. Republicans study the financial pages of the newspaper. Democrats put them in the bottom of the bird cage and forget to feed the bird which dies.

10. Most of the stuff alongside the road has been thrown out of car windows by Democrats.

11. Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmatians, and eyebrows. Democrats raise Airedales, hell, and taxes.

12. Democrats eat the fish they catch. Republicans hang them on the wall along with the moose they shot.

13. Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel that they're entitled to a little fun first.

14. Democrats make plans and then do nothing. Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made very carefully.

15. Republicans sleep soundly because they wprk hard all say and have ambition that drives like it drove Ben Franklin. Democrats don't work and they have lots of free time. No ambition, and no imagination is why there are more Democrats.

[Damocles]

Strange United States laws
from the book "Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton

[Damocles]

In Ottumwa, Iowa, "It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unaquainted."

[Damocles]

In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.

[Damocles]

In Zion, Ill., it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets. Kibo.

[Damocles]

In Carmel, N.Y., a man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match. nj.

[Damocles]

Attention Gooley: In Clawson, Mich., there is a law that makes it LEGAL for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.

[Damocles]

In Gary, Ind., persons are prohibited from attending a movie house or other theater and from riding a public streetcar within four hours of eating garlic.

[Damocles]

In Miami, it's illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. Blair!