Clean joke of the day.

[Damocles]

Q: Why does the secret service guard the First Lady so closely?
A: Because if something happens to her, her husband becomes President!

Q: How many administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two--one to screw the bulb into the water faucet while the other tells us that everything possible is being done to help the situation.

Q: How many politicians does it take to raise your taxes?
A: None. The bureaucrats do that.

[Damocles]

Q: How many politicians does it take to disarm the law abiding public so that the government can enforce totalitarianistic and unconstitutional laws?
A: None. The bureaucrats do that.

Q: How many White House officials does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They like to keep the President in the dark!

Q: Why do Politicians travel in threes?
A: One to read, one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both intellectuals.

[Damocles]

Q: What kind of neckwear does a politician look best in?
A: A noose.

Q: What kind of jewelry does a woman politician look best in?
A: Handcuffs.

Q: What Biblical and Renaissance characters does a lady politician most resemble?
A: Jezebel and Lucretia Borgia.

[Damocles]

Q: What's the best place to photograph Administration officials?
A: A police lineup.

Q: What's a conservative?
A: A liberal who made it through adolescence.

Q: What is a conservative?
A: A liberal who's been mugged.

[Damocles]

Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician?
A: Congress.

Q: You know what the problem with political jokes is, don't you?
A: They get elected.

Q: What famouse Arkansas State Supreme Court decision is that guy famous for?
A: If you divorce your wife in Arkansas, is she still your cousin?

[Damocles]

Q: Why is she a miracle child?
A: Because her lawyers parents use their personalities for birth control.

Q: Why did the politician cross the road?
A: To tax the chicken.

Q: Why can't the politician file a defamation of character suit against his critics?
A: Because he has no character to defame.

[Damocles]

Q: If called to testify in a trial how long will it before before the politician commits perjury?
A: When he's sworn in.

Q: How many helicopters does it take for White House aides to go play a round of golf?
A: Depends on how many were photographed.

Q: Why did the politician cross the road?
A: To meet the chick.

[Damocles]

Q: How are Boris Becker and the President alike?
A: Both aren't as successful when they're not on grass.

Q: Did you hear they put two new faces on Mt. Rushmore?
A: Yeah, they were our current louse in the White House.

Q: Did you know that the President's cat can play Chess?
A: Inside Information: The cat isn't really all that good at Chess. The last time they played best of five, the mouse won three games to two.

[Damocles]

Q: Who would become President of the U.S.A if the President died?
A: Her husband the guy we elected of course!

Q: How does a politician change a light bulb? A: He doesn't. He whines a while, says "I feel your pain", and gets congress to pass a billion dollar light security bill, and blames bureaucrats and special interests for not making lightbulbs free. Q: What do the bureaucrats have that the politician wishes he had?
A: A right to govern.

Q: How can you tell that the guy who attacked the White house with a plane was insane? A: He seems to have thought that the no good Prtesident would be in his own bedroom at night.

[Damocles]

Q: What did the President tell her husband when the intern story broke?
A: "You idiot! I told you to let Teddy Kennedy drive her home!

Q: What did the commie say when asked if meeting the President made him want to convert Russia to the type of government they have in America?
A: "Never! I'm not going to let my wife run the country!!"

Q: Why doesn't the President like old houses?
A: He's afraid of the draft.

[Damocles]

Q: What's the differents between the President and an elephant?
A: About 20,000 pounds and a jogging suit.

Q: What's the difference between the President and David Koresh?
A: Koresh only burned 85 people.

Q: What's the difference between the president and David Koresh?
A: Some people still believe in David Koresh.

[Damocles]

Q: What's the difference between the President and Joseph Stalin?
A: Some of Stalin's subjects admired him.

Q: How many First Ladies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One--she just holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

Q: What's the difference between the Attorney General and a school bus driver?
A: The bus driver stops to let the kids out.

[Damocles]

Q: How does thePresident keep the First Lady away from the White House?
A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.

Q: When will there be a woman in the White House?
A: When the First Lady leaves town.

Q: What's the difference between the President and a container of yogurt?
A: Yogurt has culture.

[Damocles]

Q: What is the best thing that ever came out of Arkansas?
A: Highway 55.

Q: Why does the politician always have a stupid grin on his face?
A: He is stupid!

Q: Why is the politician prone to losing his voice?
A: He keeps having to eat his words.

[Damocles]

Q: How do you know when a liberal is really dead?
A: His heart stops bleeding.

Q: How does the Vice President spell potato?
A: T-A-T-E-R.

Q: Why is the President's daughters growing up confused?
A: Because dad can't keep his pants on and mom wants to wear them.

[Damocles]

Q: Why were there two presidential limousines in the inaugural parade?
A: The first one held the real president while the second one contained the president's husband, the schnook we elected.

Q: How has the President made his cabinet look more like America?
A: Most of them have sixth grade reading levels.

Q: What is the difference between this one and Jimmy Carter?
A: Jimmy Carter waited until after the inauguration to break his promises.

[Damocles]

Q: How do you spot Al Gore in a room full of secret service agents?
A: He's the stiff one.

Q: What were the three toughest years in Al Gore's life?
A: Grade six.

Q: If the First Lady gets health care, the whacko from California gets treasury, and nut from New Jersey gets defense, what does tthe Veep get?
A: Coffee.

[Damocles]

Q: What will the President's favorite outfit be after his economic blueprint takes effect?
A: Prison stripes.

Q: What was the real purpose of the president's visit to Moscow?
A: To study economics.

Q: What is the president's plan to create thousands of small businesses?
A: Take thousands of big businesses and wait four years.

[Damocles]

Q: Why is the President infuriated with hos daughters' new private school?
A: They broke family tradition by making her daughters LEARN.

Q: What's the difference between the one we have now and Jimmy Carter?
A: It took Bill less than 100 days to botch a military mission.

Q: Why did the president go out to sea on an aircraft carrier?
A: To promote off-shore drilling.

[Damocles]

Q: Why did the President choose Canada as the site for his summit with the Russsians?
A: So he could look up some college buddies who moved up there during the Vietnam War.

Q: What does the politician have in common with his Hollywood pals?
A: They all make a living by lying to people.

Q: Why did the politicians commit suicide?
A: They were trying to keep up with the rest of the lemmings.

[Damocles]

Q: Why are there more jokes about this president than the last one?
A: The punch lines formed to smack her were too long in the previous inaugural.

Q: What do a Wendy's Hamburger and the Camp David compound have in common?
A: They were both cooked up by a guy named "Dave".

Q: What is the only thing worse than an incompetent liberal President?
A: A competent liberal President.

[Damocles]

Q: What is the first thing that the President says after she wakes up?
A: "Good morning, husband."

Q: What has the President done that no one has been able to do in the last 8 years?
A: Unite the country. They all hate the son of a ------.

Q: Why did the Congress waffle on military action in Bosnia?
A: Their area of expertise is dodging armed conflict.

[Damocles]

Q: How many politicians does it take to destroy a light bulb?
A: None. They only know how to destroy the taxpayers.

Q: When did the president's friends become sure that he had political ambitions?
A: When he married outside of his family.

Q: What does this President have in common with former great Presidents?
A: Absolutely nothing.

[Damocles]

Q: What is the difference between this president and Elvis?
A: Elvis was drafted and served proudly in the Army.

Q: Why did the IRS recently audit the President?
A: Because he filed as head of the household for the first time in his life.

Q: How is health care reform a lot like the President's stupid haircut?
A: It is a lot more expensive than it looks.

[Damocles]

Q: What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?
A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

Q: Why were the liberals pushing the BTU Tax?
A: Because they could spell it.

Q: What is the basement where White House staffers work called?
A: The whine cellar.

[Damocles]

Q: Why aren't White House staffers given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: How can you identify a computer that has been in use at the White House?
A: There is White-out on the screen.

Q: How can you tell if it was a shared computer used by many staffers?
A: There is writing on the White-out.

[Damocles]

Q: What is the difference between an intelligent liberal and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

Q: How is a politician like a passive-restraint device?
A: He is a bag of air that is not on the driver's side.

Q: How is a politician like a character actor?
A: When he shows character, he's acting.

[Damocles]

Q: What is the First Lady's favorite holiday?
A: Summer Solstice.

Q: What do you get when you give a politician a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.

Q: What do you get when you cross a politician with a gorilla?
A: Who knows? There is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.

[Damocles]

Q: What is Congress' favorite war song?
A: "Over Here"

Q: What costume did the politician wear to a Halloween party that scared everyone to death?
A: He came dressed as a two-term president.

Q: Why is Perot's wife glad he didn't get elected?
A: If he won, they would have to move to a smaller house in a bad neighborhood.

[Damocles]

Q: What is the difference between liberalism and socialism?
A: Socialism is dead.

Q: What is the difference between Congress' health care plan and a kidney stone?
A: A kidney stone is easier to pass.

Q: What is the difference between Hitler and this bozo?
A: Hitler intended to deliver on his speeches.