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April 11th, 2009, 07:10 PM
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#751
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
How do you hire a teddy bear?
Put him on stilts !
What's a teddy bears favourite pasta ?
Tagliateddy !
Why shouldn't you take a bear to the zoo ?
Because they'd rather go to the cinema !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:11 PM
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#752
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What is a bear's favourite drink ?
Koka-Koala !
Why was the little bear so spoiled ?
Because its mother panda'd to its every whim !
What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle ?
A polo bear !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:11 PM
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#753
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Why do polo bears like bald men ?
Because they have a great, white, bear place !
What kind of money do polar bears use ?
Ice lolly !
How do you start a teddy bear race ?
Ready, teddy, go !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:12 PM
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#754
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common ?
They both have 'the' as their middle names !
What do polar bears have for lunch ?
Ice burger !
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp ?
A bear faced lyre !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:13 PM
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#755
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What's yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown ?
Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear's forgotten cousin !
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear ?
Winnie the Pooh !
What animal hibernates standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
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April 11th, 2009, 07:14 PM
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#756
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What's the best way to hunt bear?
With no clothes on.
What's white, furry and smells of peppermint?
A polo bear.
How can you tell where a bear lives?
Look for his Den-mark.
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April 11th, 2009, 07:15 PM
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#757
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Why does a bear have a fur coat?
He'd look silly in a plastic mac!
Kitty Cat jokes.
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April 11th, 2009, 07:16 PM
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#758
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head ?
A tiger moth !
What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food ?
'Let us prey.'
Why is the desert lion everyone's favorite at Christmas ?
Because he has sandy claws !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:16 PM
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#759
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt ?
'Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'
What is lion's favorite food ?
Baked beings !
What do tigers wear in bed ?
Stripey pyjamas !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:17 PM
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#760
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What does a lion brush his mane with ?
A catacomb !
What happened when the lion ate the comedian ?
He felt funny !
What's striped and bouncy ?
A tiger on a pogo stick !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:18 PM
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#761
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
How can you get a set of teeth put in for free ?
Smack a lion !
How does a lion greet the other animals in the field ?
'Pleased to eat you.' !
What's the difference between a tiger and a lion ?
A tiger has the mane part missing !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:19 PM
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#762
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day ?
After a week he was spotless !
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep ?
A stripey sweater !
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman ?
Frostbite !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:20 PM
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#763
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangeroo ?
A stripey jumper !
How are tigers like sergeants in the army ?
They both wear stripes !
What is the most breathless thing on television ?
The Pink Panter Show !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:21 PM
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#764
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog ?
A terrified postman !
When is a lion not a lion ?
When he turns into his cage !
On which day do lions eat people ?
Chewsday !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:22 PM
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#765
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Why did the lion feel sick after he'd eaten the priest ?
Because it's hard to keep a good man down !
What did the lioness say to the cub chasing a hunter ?
'Stop playing with your food.'
What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane ?
A dandy lion !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:22 PM
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#766
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What happens when a lion runs into an express train at the station ?
It's the end of the lion !
Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station ?
Because it's a 'mane-lion' station !
What do you call a show full of lions ?
The mane event !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:23 PM
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#767
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
How does a leopard change its spots ?
When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another !
What happened to the man who tried to cross a lioin with a goat ?
He had to get a new goat !
Why was the lion-tamer fined ?
He parked on a yellow lion !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:24 PM
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#768
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What do tigers sing at Christmas ?
'Jungle bells, jungle bells ...'
Which big cat should you never play cards with ?
A cheetah !
What is the fiercest flower in the garden ?
The tiger lily !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:24 PM
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#769
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What do you call a lioin who has eaten your mother's sister ?
An aunt-eater !
What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater ?
'Claws.'
If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger ?
A stri-ped !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:25 PM
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#770
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Bird jokes.
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April 11th, 2009, 07:26 PM
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#771
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What birds spend all their time on their knees ?
Birds of prey !
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak ?
A headbanger !
When is the best time to buy budgies ?
When they're going cheap !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:26 PM
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#772
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
How do you get a cut-price parrot ?
Plant bird seed !
Why is a sofa like a roast chicken ?
Because they're both full of stuffing !
What do you call a very rude bird ?
A mockingbird !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:27 PM
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#773
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Where do birds meet for coffee ?
In a nest-cafe !
How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely ?
With it's sparrowchute !
What is green and pecks on trees ?
Woody Wood Pickle !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:28 PM
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#774
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek ?
Fowl play !
Which bird is always out of breath ?
A puffin !
What's got six legs and can fly long distances ?
Three swallows !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:29 PM
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#775
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Why did the owl, owl ?
Because the woodpecker would peck 'er !
What do you call a crate of ducks ?
A box of quackers !
What language do birds speak ?
Pigeon English !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:30 PM
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#776
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
How do you get a parrot to talk properly ?
Send him to polytechnic !
What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework ?
A firequaker !
What is a parrot's favorite game ?
Hide and Speak !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:31 PM
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#777
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What do you call a Scottish parrot ?
A Macaw !
What do parrots eat ?
Polyfilla !
What do you give a sick bird ?
Tweetment !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:32 PM
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#778
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What bird tastes just like butter ?
A stork !
What's another name for a clever duck ?
A wise quacker !
What do owls sing when it is raining ?
'Too wet to woo' !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:33 PM
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#779
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What is a polygon ?
A dead parrot !
What flies through the jungle singing opera ?
The parrots of Penzance !
What kind of bird opens doors ?
A kiwi !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:33 PM
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#780
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What do baby swans dance to ?
Cygnet-ure-tunes !
What is a duck's favorite TV show ?
The feather forecast !
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark ?
A bird that will talk you ear off !
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For fans of the Classic Battlestar Galactica series
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