[Damocles]

Automobiles, AOL-Style

If AOL built Automobiles...

* The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.
* The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.
* The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.
* The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.
* AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.
* Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason.
* The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots'a pretty colors and lights.
* The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.
* Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months.
* If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of them.
* The AOL car would have an AOL Cell phone that can only place calls to other AOL car cell phones.
* AOL would pass a new car law forbidding AOL car owners from driving near other car dealerships.
* AOL car mechanics would have no experience in car repair.
* Younger AOL car drivers would be able to make other peoples AOL cars stall just for fun.
* It would not be possible to upgrade your AOL car stereo.
* AOL cars would be forced to use AOL gas that cost 20% more and gave worse mileage.
* Anytime an AOL car owner saw another AOL car owner he would wonder, M/F/age?
* It would be common for AOL car owners to divorce just to marry another AOL car owner.
* AOL car owners would always claim to be older or younger than they really are.
* AOL cars would come with a steering wheel and AOL would claim no other cars have them.
* Every time you close the door on the AOL car it would say, "Good-Bye."