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-   -   Mother's Day ( long...sorry) (http://www.colonialfleets.com/forums/showthread.php?t=10350)

Breea May 4th, 2005 06:53 PM

Mother's Day ( long...sorry)
 
Sunday is Mother's Day and I've had some thoughts on that. Yesterday, I went to the store to pick up a card for a friend and while I was in there a woman came up grabbed the first card she saw and maddered.." Well, that's over with."
What's wrong with this??? Are people getting to the point that family doesn't matter any more? I spent this afternoon at the cemetery with my mom. I just couldn't face going out there on Sunday, not with everybody hanging around. I
miss her more than anything and feel so alone at times. It's so hard to reach out to people. It's hard to find the right words to say to anybody at times.
She was the reason for my being. She brought me into this world and I was with her when she left. I ttok care of her for many years just as she took care of me. Even after she was confined to a wheelchair,I was there. How can people just act like they're nothing after all they have done for us. After mom's last surgery..she had to go inot a nursing home to recoup for a while and when I'd go and see her, all she wanted to do was come home.
There were so many mothers there, whose children abandoned them there. Yes, I understand that many can't take care of their parents but there are many who could but don't want the responsibility and this is so sad. The lady that was in with my mom cried the day I picked her up..she said she wished her family would come and take her home with them but she said they didn't care about her anymore. I thought that maybe they lived out of state just to find out they lived down the road and only came to see her once every couple of months because they couldn't stand to see her like that.
This is what I'm going to ask of you...If your mother is still living PLEASE..take the time to be with her because God only knows in His wisdom how long you may have her.. Take the time to let her know how much you love her and mean to you.
Tell her how much you care about her. If she's not then do this..go to a nursing home..call them and ask if you could come and spend some time with a mother who very well might be forgotten on Sunday.
You all here are among the most special people in the world.. You care about those whho you don't even know..only by a mere name on a screen but yet no matter what,during our laughing or fighting ..you're here for each other.
May you always be blessed with the joy and love that each of you deserve.
Breea

BST May 4th, 2005 07:56 PM

Breea,

Good words. :)

It's sad that commercialism has overtaken the real meaning of the day. Truth be known, the cards are fluff - the time spent with your family is much more valuable than anything else because once the opportunity passes you by, it cannot be retrieved.


BST

:)

Rowan May 4th, 2005 08:04 PM

Hi Breea

Not everyone is as blessed as you were with a loving mother, I'm always very happy for those who have such wonderful moms. But personally I hate mothers day for several reasons one that I have lost 3 potential children of my own, plus I lost my 3 step sons and have always had a horrible relationship with my mother because of her mental illness. She was and still is a nasty woman and you never know when she is going to attack you, you must always be on the defensive with her alert for her shift in moods or else you will not be ready when she slaps you in the face or hurls insults and threats at you. It is why I moved 3000 miles away many years ago. It is very hard for me to buy her a mothers day card every year I dread it. Most mothers day cards go on and on about how wonderful she is or how she's a best friend or thanks her for all the wonderful things she has done - I can't buy these cards as they would feel too hypocritical to me. I spend hours agonising over the cards trying to find one that doesn't say too much so I don't feel like I'm lying when I send it to her. I just thought I'd offer this by way of explanation as to why some people might not want to buy a mother's day card or put effort into it - not everyone has a great mom.

Breea May 4th, 2005 09:38 PM

I'm sorry hon..I indeed was blessed and please forgive me for bringing up a subject that hurt you..I would never do that on purpose...It seems today all I've been doing is stick my foot in my mouth. Please accept my apologies...I'll try and be more sensitive when i most . Again, rowan, I am truely sorry.
Breea

Rowan May 5th, 2005 12:52 AM

Oh Breea please don't apologise for that!! Mother’s day is kind of hard for me to miss LOL! It’s everywhere!! you bringing it up is hardly something I have an issue with. I can’t possibly imagine a more sensitive person well along with Julix and Muffit LOL. You owe me no apologies at all and you didn’t hurt me at all. It actually made me feel better because it allowed me to say something about it instead of stewing over it like I usually do!! :)

Darrell Lawrence May 5th, 2005 02:41 AM

I had a friend in the same situation as Rowan once.

She came up with a unique solution- In the vein of adoption, she adopted a mom.

Won't work for everyone, but for my friend it did. Now there are two happier people out there :)

bsg1fan1975 May 5th, 2005 03:22 AM

This Mother's day is going to be a painful but special one for my family. Painful because of the death of my hubby's grandmother. And special because I am going to spend it with my mom and I got her something that she always had wanted. For my mother in law I bought a nice scented candle and a card, my mom is getting a sterling silver mother's necklace with all 5 of us kids's birthstones.


Rowan, there is no need to apologize for how you feel. There are quite a few women out there that are like that.

Rowan May 5th, 2005 03:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Warrior
I had a friend in the same situation as Rowan once.

She came up with a unique solution- In the vein of adoption, she adopted a mom.

Won't work for everyone, but for my friend it did. Now there are two happier people out there :)

I have instinctively been serching for the right mom to adopt it's funny that you should mention this idea :D I have at various times in my life adopted women as my mom, a couple of aunts and some older female friends but none of them really stuck. In my heart they still carry this title but I don't think they understood or appreciated the degree to which I was serious when I told them I was adopting them. So over time they drifted away (or in the case of my fav aunt - passed away.) But I've really liked this idea and still even at my age am looking for her.

:music: :music:Where is she,
Who I close my eyes to see?
Will I ever know the sweet "hello"
That's meant for only me?

Who can say where she may hide?
Must I travel far and wide,
Till I am beside the someone who,
I can mean something to?
Where, where is love?
:music: :music:

Breea May 5th, 2005 08:29 AM

I found that sometimes I post before i think..LOL(my biggest fault) ...but i'm going to do it anyway. The other thing i wanted to say is this..Mother's Day is also hard for another reason...for women like me who can never have children. We miss out on that joy with an emptiness that goes to the very heart and soul of us. Never to feel a life growing inside of us, the joy of watching her take her
first steps. To be there to pick her up when she falls and wipe away the tears.
Her first tooth,her first day at school,her first date....These are the joys that I will miss,will never know the joy of sharing.
Rowan, I'm sorry sweetheart, I wish I had been the one to have been blessed with you as a daughter. She does not know what a special, caring young lady you are. You feel the void of those who are lost and alone and your friendship means more to me than anything. I will gladly take you as part of my family if you would like. I would be the one who would be lucky..for you a very joy and a gift to all of us.
Love and hugs,
Breea

julix May 5th, 2005 09:39 AM

OK.............

Ladies :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: Hope you guys are happy ;) I am crying all over my computer. The pain, the joy...............Thanks for the compliment Rowan. Breea so sweet and it looks like you guys would be the perfect fit. You made me remember how lucky I am to be a mother and this week it needed reminding I have had no sleep at all due to an ear infection( my daughter)..but I am blessed. Rowan besides Breea we are your family hun..........all of us :cry: And ladies either one of you can adopt me :cry:


P.S. don't tell my MOM

Gemini1999 May 5th, 2005 11:00 AM

You ladies are *this* close to making a middle aged guy get blubbery and I'm not even a woman or a mom!

You are all very special and caring women in my eyes. I can't tell you how lucky I feel just to know you as I do.

I'm gonna go hunt down a box of Kleenex now.....thank you!

Best always,
Bryan

bsg1fan1975 May 5th, 2005 11:01 AM

I am so lucky to be blessed with a mom who is always there for me and a mother in law who raised my hubby to be the man that I love and married. Both of our moms had us calling them mom before we even got engaged. I hope that when I become a mom that I carry on this feeling of pride I have for both of these wonderful women.

I watched my own mom struggle to raise my older siblings and I till she met my stepdad and then watched as she raised my yonger siblings and I plus in the last few years she
has had health problems.


I do feel for those who aren't as fortunate to have a mom who loves them unconditionally or has never had the chance to be a mom. I wish they could have been given the wonderful gift of a mother they should have had or the chance to watch their own children grow up.

Rowan May 5th, 2005 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breea
I found that sometimes I post before i think..LOL(my biggest fault) ...but i'm going to do it anyway. The other thing i wanted to say is this..Mother's Day is also hard for another reason...for women like me who can never have children. We miss out on that joy with an emptiness that goes to the very heart and soul of us. Never to feel a life growing inside of us, the joy of watching her take her
first steps. To be there to pick her up when she falls and wipe away the tears.
Her first tooth,her first day at school,her first date....These are the joys that I will miss,will never know the joy of sharing. I understand this all too well myself. (((((((((((((((Breea)))))))))))))))) I passionately long to be someone's mom, but after several miscarriages, my increasing age, and having endometriosis, plus being in a relationship with a "man" with whom I don't want to have children is all leading me on a fast track to having no biological children of my own.
Rowan, I'm sorry sweetheart, I wish I had been the one to have been blessed with you as a daughter.:love: She does not know what a special, caring young lady you are. You feel the void of those who are lost and alone You know this really struck me when I read this having the kind of childhood I did has left me acutely sensitive to this in others so maybe that's the silver lining to this and your friendship means more to me than anything.:love::heart: :rose: I will gladly take you as part of my family if you would like. I would be the one who would be lucky..for you a very joy and a gift to all of us.
Love and hugs,
Breea

*Thud* Breea I only gave you 50 bucks ;) this is more like a 1000 dollar post :D
Breea you sure know how to bring tears to a persons eyes!!! (in a good way ;) ) I'm overwhelmed by your big soft heart!!! I think more often than not I'm a big pain in the butt rather than a joy and a gift!!;) :D You have no idea what words like that do to me Breea I don't often hear things like that in my life only once in a very long while and it's not until I hear it that I realise how much I crave it and how much a person needs to hear such things from others. So thank you for helping to fill the whole in my heart and for welcoming me into your family for your generosity of spirit and your warm and loving heart! You make a terrific Mom!!! :love:


Does this mean you'll teach me how to barn storm??:D

bsg1fan1975 May 5th, 2005 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemini1999
You ladies are *this* close to making a middle aged guy get blubbery and I'm not even a woman or a mom!

You are all very special and caring women in my eyes. I can't tell you how lucky I feel just to know you as I do.

I'm gonna go hunt down a box of Kleenex now.....thank you!

Best always,
Bryan

It take a big man to admit to crying or to being near tears.:salute:

Rowan May 5th, 2005 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by julix
OK.............

Ladies :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: Hope you guys are happy ;) I am crying all over my computer. :P: ;) You'll ruin your keyboard!! The pain, the joy...............Thanks for the compliment Rowan.:love: your welcome Breea so sweet and it looks like you guys would be the perfect fit. You made me remember how lucky I am to be a mother and this week it needed reminding I have had no sleep at all due to an ear infection( my daughter)..((((((((((((Julix)))))))))))) but I am blessed. Rowan besides Breea we are your family hun..........all of us :cry: And ladies either one of you can adopt me :cry: wow I got a daughter and a mom all in one thread!!! :D ;)


P.S. don't tell my MOM

so long as you promise not to tell mine LOL! ;) :D

Rowan May 5th, 2005 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemini1999
You ladies are *this* close to making a middle aged guy get blubbery and I'm not even a woman or a mom!

You are all very special and caring women in my eyes. I can't tell you how lucky I feel just to know you as I do.

I'm gonna go hunt down a box of Kleenex now.....thank you!

Best always,
Bryan

I forgot about this big softie ;) :D (((((((((((((((Bryan))))))))))))))))))) see now this is why I adopted you as my big brother!!! :heart: :love:

julix May 5th, 2005 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemini1999
You ladies are *this* close to making a middle aged guy get blubbery and I'm not even a woman or a mom!

You are all very special and caring women in my eyes. I can't tell you how lucky I feel just to know you as I do.

I'm gonna go hunt down a box of Kleenex now.....thank you!

Best always,
Bryan

(((((((((((bryan)))))))))))
the feeling has always been mutal for me knowing you!

julix May 5th, 2005 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rowan
so long as you promise not to tell mine LOL! ;) :D



but of course...........I keep "all our secrets"

Gemini1999 May 5th, 2005 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bsg1fan1975
It take a big man to admit to crying or to being near tears.:salute:


Bsg1fan -

You know something, it sneaks up on me at the weirdest times.... There have been times that a TV epsiode of a long gone show or a movie I really love makes me go a bit misty. Not because of plot or anything, sometimes it's a rememberance of the times when I first saw it, happy or sad.

When it comes to me and my mom - we're kinda cut from the same cloth emotionally (I wish that I understood that). We don't always agree and have had our good and bad moments, but when it comes to a birthday, holiday, or something similarly related, I wind up putting myself in her place if she didn't get a card, or at least a phone call. I hate feeling forgotten at those moments and even though I usually keep it to myself when it happens, it doesn't feel good.

My mom was there for me the better part of my life and though at this point, the relationship isn't strained, but we just aren't as close as we used to be (I don't understand that either). I have days where I don't feel like sending a card as I've had times where I didn't get a birthday card or something.

I guess what it comes down to (and I'm only saying this for myself) is that I don't want to be the one that makes her feel forgotten even though it's happened the other way around. I couldn't bear thinking of my mom shedding a tear because she didn't think I didn't care or just plain forgot.

It's kind of hard, we used to have this kind of relationship where we talked every couple of weeks and these days, I'm lucky to hear from her every few months. I always thought that if my mom passed away first, my stepdad wouldn't be able to function as the glue to hold the family together. As it turns out, my stepdad passed away first and that was 7 years ago - my mom's managed to drift away from everyone but my youngest brother. He's about as screwed up as you can get - it makes me and my other brother feel that you need to be dysfunctional to get recognized these days.

The one thing that really got me recently was that my mom found herself in a finanical spot (from helping my mess of a brother out). I didn't really have the money, but when I found out that my brother didn't pay her back and she had no cash for the next two weeks, I managed to scrape up the money she needed (which was not a small sum) and put it in her bank account. She told me that when she got things straightened out, she would pay me back. That was in January and she did recently get the money back, but no mention that she would pay me back. I did what I thought that I was doing to be a good son and help my mother out, but in the end, I never got thanked or repaid either. I mentally had to write off that 400 dollars, but in doing so, I also felt a bit colder inside as it was a family member that I got burned for helping in the process.

She's my mother and I still love her, so she'll get a card.....I just won't lend her any more money.

Best to all,
Bryan

julix May 5th, 2005 12:15 PM

Bryan.....
I admire that you are so thoughtful given the circumstanses with your Mom. But you are all the better for doing it. Not everyone can(I understand that to)....but I do think it can chip away at you when you hold onto bitterness and anger/resentment(even when we have a right to-some more then others)I try to always do what I think is right-it isn't easy but it helps me live with myself. You are a good son and I hope your Mom fully realizes that even if she can't express it. :)

Breea May 5th, 2005 02:14 PM

Bryan,
I don't know your mother but i do feel like i know you. First, You are a wonderful son. your continual reaching out to your mother proves that. Since i don't know how old your mom is or if it could be medical..there could be a reason for the way she acts. She might not even realize she's doing it but you have to know that deep down in your heart she does love you and cares about you very much.
Sometimes, we may not always see what is happening to the ones we love nor can we understand why things may change but it doesn't mean she doesn't have the love that she felt for you when you were younger. With time and age.(and I fit into that bracket) we forget to reach out to those we love...not because we mean to but time has a way of clouding our thoughts and memories..we may not always be in a place that you can reach us but you are always in our thoughts.
Bryan, you are welcome into my small family circle any time you need that extra shoulder or a hand to hold. Friend and families...One we are born into ..the other we are able to choose..I feel lucky that I have been able to choose all of you.
A void that was once large is slowly becoming filled with the joy and love that every one shares with each other,
Love,
Breea

Breea May 5th, 2005 02:22 PM

Rowan,
had could someone not feel the joy oif having you around...You are the breath of sring in a weiry world. the sunshinein the midst of a raging storm. i am not sure how good i would be as a mom..all i know is that love had a way of healing a broken heart and peace to lead you home.
When I said I welcome you into my family..I meant it. I could not think of a more wonderful gift then to be blessed with having you as a daughter. If you were here I would take you into my arms and never let you feel unloved or unwanted ever again. You are my family for as long as you choose to be. I will be here for
you whenever you may need me and never be afraid to reach out because my door is never shut nor my arms never closed to you.
Love,
Breea

sropi May 5th, 2005 02:24 PM

You guys just made me cry! :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
My mother is very seriusly ill, shehas been on the edge of death three times now, but she has recovered somewhat. Still, her condition is serious and she HAS to go to hospital 3-4-5 times a year for 2 or more weeks. Around February she got worse again and should have gone in, but she didn't. I had a serious surgery and was required to stay in bed (not stand on my legs) for 2 months. She stayed because of me. I love and loved her, and I knew even before how lucky I am, but since I can't shake a feeling of guilt. How can I EVER repay her? I can't even help her every day or be there every time she would need me as she had been (I'm studying far away). It only complicates matters, that her mother is a very mean and evil person. No, that's actually more complicated (kind of split personality). And I see how this chips at her. :Nsad: And yet, spite of her illness and the meanness os her mother she manages to put up the strenght to raise my 3 younger brothers.
She's an amazing woman and I love her with every fiber of my being, but I really don't know how I ever could give as much as she is giving.

Dawg May 5th, 2005 02:35 PM

Life's funny that way.

Since I reached middle age I hardly ever speak live with either of my parents - of course, Dad's mostly deaf now so it makes telephone conversations difficult - but Mom sends e-mails frequently, and has yet to forget my birthday (even if she does occassionally wait until the next day or two to call...). But the minimum I do is send a card for birthdays, mother's day, etc. Haven't missed one yet. My own anniversary, yes - her's or mother's day? Heaven forbid....

My youngest brother also got more of her time - he's the youngest, her last, and she does like to feel needed, in a tough-love kind of way. The fear of becoming useless - particularly if you've spent 20 years or more of nurturing - is perfectly normal. It's easier said than done to cast your offspring out into the world to fend for themselves. Many youngest children face that situation, and if they give in to the path of least resistance....

Remember - you cannot choose your biological family. But you can choose your friends - or an extended family like Fleets.

Hi, lil sis. ;)

Edit: sropi, it sounds like your mother is a saint of a woman. Lucky for you.

I am
Dawg
:warrior:

Breea May 5th, 2005 02:38 PM

Hon,
Your mother knows how you feel about her. Feeling guilty about not being there would hurt her more. Just because you can't be with her physcially doesn't mean that you are not with her every single moment in her heart. She knows, my mother was the same way, as much as i wanted to be with her ever minute..I still had to work so I too felt the same guilt that you do but she said something to me that may help you out.
Remember...I brought you into this world.to love and charish all my life...you have been a joy and a comfort to me during times of trouble and gladness. Never think for one minute that I do not know that if you could you would be beside me every day...but i also know that you too must go out into the world and make a place for yourself... You are neever more then a heartbeat away from me and you are always here even if I can't see you. your hand is always there when I reach out to it..
My dreams are filled with your love and nothing..time or diatance will ever change that.
She knows,love...don't ever think that she doesn't...YOU..are her main reason for living..what you are doing right now is making her so proud.....
always,
Breea

sropi May 5th, 2005 02:47 PM

Thank you Breea very much!
I desperately need kind words and thoughts these days, as I've had a little bit too much time with myself lately and changed. I'm still readjusting and stress at the University and the upcoming exams is weighting down on me more heavily each day.
I just needed TIME, but that's a luxury I don't have.
BUT, this weekend is gon'na be full of joy! My brother is graduating, and they have this ceremony this weekend, for wich I'm going home!!

bsg1fan1975 May 9th, 2005 03:32 AM

Mother's Day weekend was pretty good with the exception of Friday as that was the day we had the funeral for hubby's grandmother. Saturday was better but the weather stunk! My mom was almost in tears when she opened her gift. My dad and I went halves on a sterling silver necklace with the birthstones of us kids. We got my mother in law a big scented candle for her gift.

Darrell Lawrence June 16th, 2005 07:51 PM

So.. how's all of this working out, or was some of it "fluff"? ;)

Breea June 16th, 2005 08:05 PM

I'm writing this because I would like to know somrthing..I opened my heart up to someone whom I thought really needed me and wanted to be a part of my life.I have no family and was more then willing to let her in....and yet why is it when I write to her she never answers me and only does so when were in forum..I thought this is what she wanted. I know I was lonely and wanted to find a family..I do not like being used and if this is the case and you are having a laugh at my expense I hope you are happy because you have hurt me deeply.
Breea

BST June 16th, 2005 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breea
I know I was lonely and wanted to find a family..

Breea


Breea,

You HAVE a family -- the Colonial Fleets. :heart:

BST

:)


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