14th Colony's House of Enlightenment & Wise-Assners

[The 14th Colony]

I am a non-board certified know it all. All that there is to know, I know. All that I do not know does not need to be knowed, and that which I do not know but are asked I make up. Come ye who seek answers about the workings of the fabricatable universe and I shall enlighten thee. Want to know why the sky is blue, what is the mathematical equasion of spinach, how does darkness affect the color of a seedling, whether it is dangerous to smoke your old socks or grampa's old underwear, what the airspeed velocity of a swallow is, or if the secrets of the universe can truly be determined by reading the ingrediants of chewing gum? Then I am your man. The doctor is in, 14th Colony is listening.


Ask me all that you wish to know, and I will answer, within reason. It is my choice to interject any humor (if at all) or sarcasm as I see fit. I can do this. I call it taking the 14th. No, not the 14th Amendment, but the style and manner of the 14th Colony.

There are rules, however, to ensure that no one might take advantage of my generous offering of wisdom here.

HERE BE DA ROOLS:
1) Do not ask me more than 2 questions at a time. My time is precious.

2) Do not ask me questions about yourself, such as your favorite color, team, your height, or any such things. I am the 14th. My time is precious.

3) There is nothing that I do not know. If you think that I answered incorrectly, it is your fault for improperly phrasing the question.

4) If you ask me something I cannot answer, I may pretend to ignore you. For further clarification, refer to Rule #3.

5) Do not ask me questions pertaining to professional sports or sports teams. I have non-disclosure agreements with the teams that I give consultations to, which cannot be breached.

6) Many of my answers may be in the form of wit or sarcasm or desperate attempts of such. Brace yourself.

7) If you ask me something I do not know, refer to Rule #3.

8) If you are not satisfied with this Answer Thread, remember Rule #3.

[BST]

O Wise Sage,

I have many questions rattling around me cranium. Now, if I could only figure out how to get them to slow down, I might be able to ask one!!

Please bestow your wisdom on this humble, insane lunatic!!


BST


P.S. I really needed this thread!! Definitely put a smile on me face!!

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

:thumbsup:

[The 14th Colony]

"BST", huh? Are you something like a BLT, bacon lettuce and tomato sandwhich? Okay then...slow down, take a deep breath, now take another, now take another even deeper breath, now take another long, deep breath, now exhale and let all those breaths out. Feeling any better, or feeling like you're about to pass out? Right then, go ahead and slow your thoughts down and ask me your question. The 14th is listening.

Observe my reassuring smile. Doesn't my smile give you confidence? :drool:

[BST]

O Wise Sage,

Why is it when you take socks out of the dryer, there always seems to be 1 less than you put in the dryer?

(Like I said, lots of questions, that was the first one that slowed down!)

BST

[The 14th Colony]

BST, it is a vast global conspiracy perpetrated by the Alliance of One Legged People Persons. You see, they have used their manipulations of clothes dryer manufacturers to ensure that a secret panel inside the drum of the dryer steals one of every few pairs of socks to benefit those who despise the idea of having to purchase socks in pairs when only need one sock do they.

[Flamingo Girl]

Why does my cat keep staring at the wall?

[shiningstar]

Why is the coffee always BITTER toward the END of the POT?

[The 14th Colony]

Flamingo Girl:
Why does my cat keep staring at the wall?
Your cat is wierd, as all cats are. He/she is transfixed and mesmerized by the hallucinagenic properties of vast spaces of solid-colored flat-toned surfaces fixed at right angles to his field of view. I advise you to repaint all of your walls in contrasting colors of criss-crossing stripes and patterns. Then he/she will no longer be hypnotically attracted to the solid one-ness of the wall colors, and the staring problem will be cured. May I suggest plaid?

[The 14th Colony]

shiningstar:
Why is the coffee always BITTER toward the END of the POT?
Wouldn't you be bitter if you were always stuck at the bottom and essentially disregarded until the coffee above you was drunk first? I can't believe how insensitive you are. Don't you ever consider the feelings of the coffee at the bottom over your own selfish pleasures? You would be bitter too if you were that unappreciated coffee at the bottom of the pot. Next time, swirl things up a bit and drink the coffee from the bottom first and make it feel appreciated. Trust me, you'll be a better person for it.
:cool:

[Laura Elizabeth]

O Wise One!

Who will win the 2004 Presidential elections in the United States?

[goldcenturian]

Oh great and powerful En-Wise One,
why are noses, fingers and feet so dang difficult to draw accurately?
A frustrated, artistic goldcenturian

[The 14th Colony]

Laura Elizabeth:
O Wise One!
Who will win the 2004 Presidential elections in the United States?
If the success of this answer thread opens the right doors to provide me a platform to bring enlightenment and influence around the world, it shall be I who beats around the Bush and gets the Oval Office. However, I will seek creativity in my administration, and promptly rename the Oval Office the Oblong Office. I will also have a black vice-president, to add some soul to the white in White House. :D



:warrior: VOTE 14TH IN 2004!!!! :warrior:

[The 14th Colony]

Oh great and powerful En-Wise One,
why are noses, fingers and feet so dang difficult to draw accurately?
A frustrated, artistic goldcenturian
You are obviously a dedicated die-hard Galactica fan. But, your dilemna lies in your fetish for wearing your gold centurian Cylon costume at odd times. My young artist friend, take off the darn gold Cylon gloves and you'll be able to draw proper noses, fingers, and feet!
:p

[conconcv66]

Oh great and wase as i mean one. how come i have the munchies all the time.it happens after i smoke those funny cigarettes

[The 14th Colony]

Deckape:
Oh great and wase as i mean one. how come i have the munchies all the time.it happens after i smoke those funny cigarettes
You should stop apeing around on the deck, my young padawan. In my humble wiseness I have long ago put behind me the wicked, dirty ways of my past, before I was enlightened as I am now. Now that I am as enlightened as I have come to be, with funny cigarettes and strong drink behind me, my well-crafted and creative mind sees clearly and wisely and I am able to be in a position well positioned to position others onto the wise and warm path of 14th Colony Know-It-Allness, so that some others can be somewhat knowing some of the know-it-allness that I know and possess. Being clear headed also enables me to conjur up, write, and understand the mumbo-jumbo that I just wrote. :D Yet, I still have the damn munches even without funny cigarettes. No wonder I'm 220 when I think I should be 190! :p


The above service message has been brought to you by The Know-It-All Cause for Ultimate Knowitality. :light:

[shiningstar]

CUTE 14th colony ;-) :D

[The 14th Colony]

Thank you! But you've never seen my pic, so how do you know 14th Colony is cute? :p

[shiningstar]

LOL :D

[Muffit]

Oh bottomless pit of very funny and clever wisdom :), I have a quandary for you.

The first computers boasted barely 16k of memory, no hard disk drive, and crawled along at a measly 1 Mhz.

So why does a 21st century computer with 256MB of memory, a huge hard disk drive and screaming along at 2.5 GHz take a gazillion times longer to turn on and off?

Inquiring beavers wanna know! :D :beaver:

:muffit:

[shiningstar]

so do :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien:

[The 14th Colony]

Muffit,
So why does a 21st century computer with 256MB of memory, a huge hard disk drive and screaming along at 2.5 GHz take a gazillion times longer to turn on and off?
Even a Formula 1 race car needs to be warmed up and idled before racing at top speeds. You can be full of energy during the day, but in the morning how long does it take to get your mind and body to wake up? I have to set my alarm for an hour earlier, because I always hit the snooze for an hour. And look at how much time it takes to put a hyperactive child to sleep at night. All that energy and momentum can't be slowed down and turned off so quickly. That's what your computer is when it is off, a tired blue collar worker who doesn't want to wake up, and a hyperactive child at night who doesn't want to go to sleep. Have you consulted with a pediatrition for your computer's nighttime hyperactivity? Just be glad it doesn't have ADD too.

I can give you one bit of advice, however, and that is leave your comp on at all times. I leave mine on 24/7 with a screensaver, and only log off the internet when I'm not using it and close all my programs. It doesn't hurt the comp at all (look at businesses that leave their comps on all day long even when they're not being used.), and it's always booted up when I need it so I never have to wait.

[shiningstar]

I was doing that 14th colony but my hubby was having a cow
so I have to shut it off at night. :(

[Muffit]

Thanks 14th! Actually, I just got XP and all the slowness problems of on/off are gone now. Takes only 35 seconds to boot, cool!

Thanks for the advice though! :)

:muffit:

P.S. That was a good analogy you gave (and you know I love analogies :))

[shiningstar]

I agree with Muffit

[The 14th Colony]

What a grand feeling, to be able to help people in such an all important, far reaching manner. Don't forget to leave a quarter on the table before you leave. :halo:

Shiningstar, because of the noise the comp makes from the fan? I used to hate that sound, and the buzz of the comp when all is quiet, so I had to turn it off at night. But now since I stay up late every night by the time I'm ready for bed I'm sleepy enough that I don't even hear it. On the other hand I used to have my tower set atop my bedroom desk. Now it's tucked out of the way under the desk, which is obviously why I don't hear it like I used to.

Anyway, Muffit, glad to help, and Shining Star too. Just come to me for all your unknowing knowurgencies and quests for knowledge, and pass the word along to all your friends and relatives and neighbors and doctors and co-workers and strangers on the street. When there's a mystery you want to beat, Doctor 14th is the one to meet. =)

BTW, I'm surprised no one has asked me yet why the sky is blue. That's my favorite one to answer.

[Dawg]

Oh, Great Wise One, I have a question that has puzzled me since I was very young. Can you answer it?

Why is the sky blue?

Humbly,

I am
Dawg
:warrior:

[The 14th Colony]

Dawg:
Oh, Great Wise One, I have a question that has puzzled me since I was very young. Can you answer it?

Why is the sky blue?
Wassup Dawg? Why soytainly I can answer it! You've come to the right place for dead-on accurate factual answers.

You see, the reason for the sky being blue, is as follows:
Many many many many many many many years ago there was a planet called Bleoou which orbitted the sun from a distance between Mars and Jupiter. Bleoou was a gasous world with a thick, gooey atmosphere consisting of an isonosphere, a stratosphere, a gambadgrasphere, an agroogelsphere, and a bloobesphere. The bloobesphere was the majority of existing atmosphere on Bleoou, containing several gasses including H20, and it was thick and gooey.

Roughly many many many many many many many many many years ago, a gargantuan meteor that was really big traveling through space at speeds in excess of very very very fast, collided with the doomed planet, and Bleoou went kablooey. The planet was cracked into millions and lots of pieces of all different sizes ranging from itty bitty to "geez, look at the size of that thing", and those pieces now make up the asteroid field out there beyond Mars but before the Jupiter off ramp.

So much for the hard part of Bleoou. As for the atmosphere, most of it was dissipated into the void of space, but the thick gooey bloobesphere was sent hurdling across the several miles until it slapped into the third rock from the sun and got stuck there due to its gooeyness. Over time the glob of bloobesphere spread around the Earth's outer bubblesphere until it completely enveloped it and was absorbed into it. From that point on, it gave off its particular hue in the daylight hours due to sunlight shining through it, which is why in daytime we see the sky as the color of the bloobesphere from Bleoou. And that color, in honor of the calamity of the bashed Bleoou and the light of the bloobesphere, is called blue.

And now you know why the sky is blue and why blue is called blue. :uhdrop:

[shiningstar]

I 'do'? :confused:

[The 14th Colony]

You don't? Have I not explained the reason fully why the sky is blue? Are you still in the dark? Or were you just rhyming "do" with "blue"?

Don't forget rule #3! =)

[shiningstar]

LOL 14th colony ;)

[Muffit]

Originally posted by shiningstar
I 'do'? :confused:

Or maybe shiningstar is just practicing for a future wedding... :D :D :D

:muffit:

[shiningstar]

LOL Muffit ........I'm already married ...........
have been for 10.5 years now ..........who knows
maybe a "REIMAGINING" of my "wedding" ;)

[Muffit]

LOL shiningstar! :D

:muffit:

[shiningstar]

:D :D :D

[Flamingo Girl]

I have a laptop, it shuts itself off after a time if I don't do it, and even with XP you do need to shut it down occasionally.

[The 14th Colony]

I have a laptop, it shuts itself off after a time if I don't do it, and even with XP you do need to shut it down occasionally.
Excellent! :thumbsup: But was that a question, or a random comment? :D

[shiningstar]

I think that was a random Comment

[Muffit]

Hi 14th! I have another query for you. This one has always perplexed me. I do not believe either evolution or creationism has a good answer for it, it's just plain bizarre.

Why do men have nipples?

Inquiring minds wanna know :) Thanks!!!

:muffit:

[The 14th Colony]

LOL Muffit ........I'm already married ...........
have been for 10.5 years now ..........who knows
maybe a "REIMAGINING" of my "wedding"
Just don't let Ronald Moore plan your wedding, or instead of a priest or rabbi you'll be married by an insurance salesman with a notery license who is really a cyborg, to a woman rather than a man, who will be drunk and start the honeymoon on the spot to a cheering crowd; the best man will be a woman and the maid of honor will be a man with a grudge against the alcoholic organ player; the flower girl will be bitter toward you for the death of her hamster years before and will refuse to throw her flowers on the floor, and...

Just trust me, don't let Moore plan your wedding. :o

[shiningstar]

LOL I think you're right .........Either that ...........
Or my GROOM would be REPLACED with a MANNAQUIN with
MOORE telling me 'TO MAKE DUE' :o

[The 14th Colony]

Yes, he would assuredly distort the concept and change the players involved. It would be disaster.

Okay my people, my cherished students, what more from my astronomical wisdom can I bestow upon those who wish to know all that is worth knowing? C'mon peeps, I gotta pay rent on my office...start asking questions or I'll lose my business and have to sit cross-legged upon a mountain top dispensing truth and philosophy to the few who brave the sleep slopes and driving winds, rocky crevices, and roaming Yetis. =\

[Muffit]

Hi 14th! Aha, you still haven't answered my query, that should keep you off the mountain top for a while...

Originally posted by Muffit
Hi 14th! I have another query for you. This one has always perplexed me. I do not believe either evolution or creationism has a good answer for it, it's just plain bizarre.

Why do men have nipples?

Inquiring minds wanna know :) Thanks!!!

:muffit:

[The 14th Colony]

Muffit:
Why do men have nipples?
My dear Muffit, it was a cruel joke played on men by the Creator. What man wouldn't want his own rack on his own chest to enjoy anytime he was dateless and wanted to enjoy a set of boobies? So the Creator gave man nipples to tease him and make him wish he had the rest of the package that was denied him.


Nah, that's not really why. It wasn't a joke played on man, it was a hint to serve as a suggestion to man that if he wanted the rest of the package he would have to connect with a woman in love and matrimony to get the rest.

Either answer will work, from a certain point of view. :D

[Muffit]

Thanks 14th! Sounds good to me! :)

:muffit:

[The 14th Colony]

Are you partially enlightened now? Hope so.
See, you can't talk about Battlestar Galactica forever. You have to seek knowledge and enlightenment in other areas as well.

[shiningstar]

Sounds great to me 14th colony........by the way I love your
new Moniker ;)

[repcisg]

I thought of a naughty reply to the nipples thing, but maybe not.

[Muffit]

Oh, what the heck repcisg! Tell us! You can always bleep out the bad stuff...

:D

[The 14th Colony]

Shiningstar, my "new moniker"? I haven't changed my name or anything. Do you mean my new avatar? If so, thanks. I drew that way back in school, a long-oh time ago. I doodled faces like that, among other things, in my notebooks during class.

[The 14th Colony]

I thought of a naughty reply to the nipples thing, but maybe not.
Awwww, go ahead. We're all adults here.

[shiningstar]

LoL 14th colony

[Stray Viper]

Why do I like women with short hair?

[The 14th Colony]

You hate choking on hairballs from long hair flyaways.

[The 14th Colony]

For the sake of all newcomers, oldcomers, and anyone who comes, my wisdom and advice is free of charge and infinately useless, but not worthless.

[bsg1fan1975]

O Wise One,

I have a query for you. Will my loving boyfriend give me an engagement ring for Xmas or will I have to give him the silent treatment for a few months so he gets that I am mad. Or should I just beat the stuffing out of him?:devil:

[Stray Viper]

What would be fitting and just punishment for a fellow BG purist who wantonly viewed the miniseries? I await your answer. :salute:

[The 14th Colony]

Originally posted by Stray Viper
What would be fitting and just punishment for a fellow BG purist who wantonly viewed the miniseries? I await your answer. :salute:
Curse him and despise him, and cast him away! The traitor, the fiend! How could a purist be trusted after griping about the mini for a year only to watch it out of curiosity? Be gone with him!

Oh wait, you were referring to me, weren't you? :eek:

Uh....well, even Darth Badly is buying the TPM DVD to watch again, right?*

Hey, I didn't say I liked it...just that it wasn't as bad as I expected. So sue me! :D However, my BSG story synopsis is way better than the mini story, wouldn't you agree, oh Stray miner of Kessel?


*An inside joke. Sorry for any confusion, non GS members. :star:

[The 14th Colony]

Originally posted by bsg1fan1975
O Wise One,

I have a query for you. Will my loving boyfriend give me an engagement ring for Xmas or will I have to give him the silent treatment for a few months so he gets that I am mad. Or should I just beat the stuffing out of him?:devil:
Here is my enlightening reply: If you give him the silent treatment, he may feel pressured and his choice to ask the question may or may not turn out as you demand, or expect. The spontinaity of the ring offering might not have the same emotion as it may have been without the pressure. But, I failed at a relationship after offering the ring and that part of my life ended, so maybe despite my immense wisdom I do not have the answer from experience for you. On the other hand, maybe you should beat the stuffing out of him. He may enjoy it, you know.

Or maybe you should give him a ring, or propose yourself. That would be a reversal that might either shock him, or spur him into action to accept the proposal that he should have done in the first place.

On another other hand, maybe waiting for the ring would be a bad idea. In Lord of the Rings every one who came close to the ring was affected in a negative way, and that ring befall many into doom and dread. Just a suggestion. :cool:

[Stray Viper]

mmm ... stuffing. :muffit:

[Stray Viper]

Your synopsis would have made a fine continuation, 14th, and I would have been thrilled to see that -- even on Sci Fi. And that says a lot. :popcorn:

[GreenBear]

Many years ago, traveling in the high reaches of Tibet, I happened upon a wisened old lama and asked him, "Why is the sky blue?"

He told me, "The sky is blue, young grasshopper, because if it was green you wouldn't know where to stop mowing."

Now, mind you, I never actually saw a lawn in Tibet, but the answer seemed to make sense at the time...

[The 14th Colony]

I knew that lama. He was my apprentice.

Wise man say,
That which does not kill me...I killed first.

[The 14th Colony]

However, my former padawan did not get that one fully right. That is only one reason why the sky is blue. The main reason is much deeper and more significant, a reason only I in my wiseness knows.

[ojai22]

Originally posted by The 14th Colony
I

Ask me all that you wish to know, and I will answer,


I have a question:

What color is the sky in the world where you live?

;)

[bsg1fan1975]

O Omnipotent One,

I am pondering a very disturbing question. Why are there women hating men in the world? What did the female species ever do to them?

[The 14th Colony]

Originally posted by ojai22
I have a question:

What color is the sky in the world where you live?

;)
It is shades of green, with a cyan and magenta sunset. I live on the planet Trylania, in the city if Jhervis.

[The 14th Colony]

Originally posted by bsg1fan1975
O Omnipotent One,

I am pondering a very disturbing question. Why are there women hating men in the world? What did the female species ever do to them?
I wasn't sure the answer to that, so I asked my grandmother but she kicked me in the testies. I'll ask her again later when she's not in so foul a mood.

[emerita]

OK...0 wise one...."who's your favorite sister"

[The 14th Colony]

Why, that would be you, elder sweetness.....even though you've avoided my second survey. I feel so unworthy. :cry:

[emerita]

:blink: What?! I missed it? OMG where.....I think it may be your new avatar that has me confused....looking at boobs when I am talking to you...is distracting on a gender level.... ;)

[emerita]

How come all the new avatars resemble me?

[The 14th Colony]

Originally posted by emerita
How come all the new avatars resemble me?
Do you mean all the new smilies with the Viper helmets, or do you mean my avatars? You probably meant my avatars, but I want to be sure so I can answer you properly.

[The 14th Colony]

Originally posted by emerita
:blink: What?! I missed it? OMG where.....I think it may be your new avatar that has me confused....looking at boobs when I am talking to you...is distracting on a gender level.... ;)
It is here in the Cafe section, sinking lower and lower on the page as more people avoid it and post elsewhere. Simply go to my signature area and click the 3rd link. That will take you right there. The second link goes to the first survey.

[emerita]

OK, i took your survey....lol

[braxiss]

wise master,

why do feet smell and noses run???????

[launchcruiser7]

wallet keys money pen notebook smokes lighter rubber and change wellllllll?????!! the stuff you hope your goina need george carlin a place for my stuff :salute:

[warhammerdriver]

O Wise and Mighty All Knowing Seer I beseech the gift of thy wisdom.



What fly should I cast to catch Brown Trout on the second Sunday of June?

[Rowan]

always wanted to learn fly fishing :)

oh wise and wonderful all knowing Guru I would like to know why it is that men aren't physiologically designed to have babies, if we both could then we could spell each other off or who ever would prefer to get pregnat could, it would be so practical.:) ;)

[Muffit]

O Wise and Mighty All Knowing Seer I beseech the gift of thy wisdom.



What fly should I cast to catch Brown Trout on the second Sunday of June?

A daggit with long flowing hair and dusty robes, wearing dozens of amulets, steps up to answer in lieu of 14th, who appears to be lost somewhere in contemplation...

Daggit: "Ah, grasshoppa, important thing is to make sure fly is shut when standing in stream full of big mouth trout...!!!"

:D

[Rowan]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: ;)

[bsg1fan1975]

wallet keys money pen notebook smokes lighter rubber and change wellllllll?????!! the stuff you hope your goina need george carlin a place for my stuff :salute:


launchcruiser, I love that one! George Carlin is a hoot!

O wise A$$, I have a query for you to ponder. If hot dogs are packaged in groups of 10 then why are the buns sold in packages of 8?

[warhammerdriver]

A daggit with long flowing hair and dusty robes, wearing dozens of amulets, steps up to answer in lieu of 14th, who appears to be lost somewhere in contemplation...

Daggit: "Ah, grasshoppa, important thing is to make sure fly is shut when standing in stream full of big mouth trout...!!!"

:D

:eek:

[The 14th Colony]

LMAO Muffit! If one did not zipper his fly despite the danger of big mouth trout he could easily go crazy. In other words, one leap and bite could leave him nuts.

[Rowan]

LMAO Muffit! If one did not zipper his fly despite the danger of big mouth trout he could easily go crazy. In other words, one leap and bite could leave him nuts.
OMG that has to be the worst groiner I've read in a while!!!:laugh:

[The 14th Colony]

launchcruiser, I love that one! George Carlin is a hoot!

O wise A$$, I have a query for you to ponder. If hot dogs are packaged in groups of 10 then why are the buns sold in packages of 8?
This is a guy thing. Guys usually do the barbequing, and guys are the ones who planned out the bun counts based on personal experience. If you're a guy and you're grilling franks you're gonna do two things without hesitation. One is pop one in your mouth, not just as a taste test, but because you're impatient and want to scarf it down ASAP. Then, you're going to accidently drop one on the ground while bringing the cooked dogs to the table. That one will get kicked over to the family pooch to devour. And that leaves 8 franks and 8 buns. Problem solved.

I must wonder, however, if there was a Fraudian slip in your querie. You referred to me as a wise as$ and then asked me a question about buns. I suspect there was a subconscious connection in there, somehow, someway, somewhere. :rolleyes:

[The 14th Colony]

OMG that has to be the worst groiner I've read in a while!!!:laugh:
The Master aims to please. :D

[The 14th Colony]

wise master,

why do feet smell and noses run???????
Noses don't actually run, they drip. Feet also run and run fast when the nose smells the smelly feet of another person, who doesn't use Dial.

[braxiss]

Noses don't actually run, they drip. Feet also run and run fast when the nose smells the smelly feet of another person, who doesn't use Dial.


thank you master,

:laugh: :laugh:

[The 14th Colony]

always wanted to learn fly fishing :)

oh wise and wonderful all knowing Guru I would like to know why it is that men aren't physiologically designed to have babies, if we both could then we could spell each other off or who ever would prefer to get pregnat could, it would be so practical.:) ;)
If more men would have beer bellies and huge guts, this question would not be asked as it would appear that all men are always pregnant anyway. I have a big belly, so I'm already doing my part. But to be truthful, the last thing a man feels comfortable doing is going to the store to buy tampons for his lady. Men hate doing that. So if men had ovaries and wombs, they would never willingly buy tampons for themselves and as the British would say, we'd have a bloody mess on our hands (and streets).

[The 14th Colony]

wallet keys money pen notebook smokes lighter rubber and change wellllllll?????!! the stuff you hope your goina need george carlin a place for my stuff :salute:
Um, huh? Okay, but...what?

[The 14th Colony]

thank you master,

:laugh: :laugh:
You're welcome, young padawan. :holy:

[Muffit]

This is a guy thing.

I must wonder, however, if there was a Fraudian slip in your querie. You referred to me as a wise as$ and then asked me a question about buns. I suspect there was a subconscious connection in there, somehow, someway, somewhere. :rolleyes:

ROTFL 14th! And ROTFL at your subsequent jokes as well!!!

Oh, btw, speaking of Freudian, what was the beginning of your quote about male naughty bits?

In other words, one leap and bite could leave him nuts.
This is a guy thing.

Uh ---- yep, it certainly is!!! :D
:muffit:

[bsg1fan1975]

roflmao.

thank you O Swamee of Swamees!

[Rowan]

Oh great and all knowing one, I your humble and undeserving disciple have a question:

Why is it that when I bring an umbrella with me it never rains, but when I don't it does....?

:)

[bsg1fan1975]

Oh great and all knowing one, I your humble and undeserving disciple have a question:

Why is it that when I bring an umbrella with me it never rains, but when I don't it does....?

:)


that's one I'd love to have answered as well. That just happened to me this morning! :wtf: :mad:

[The 14th Colony]

Muffit:
Oh, btw, speaking of Freudian, what was the beginning of your quote about male naughty bits?
Originally Posted by The 14th Colony:
In other words, one leap and bite could leave him nuts.
Originally Posted by The 14th Colony:
This is a guy thing.
Muffy:
Uh ---- yep, it certainly is!!!
The funny thing is, or weep-worthy thing is, it may be a guy thing, but after the close encounter with the trout, it's a matter of perspective whether he's still a guy or not. :laugh: :duck: :hack:

[warhammerdriver]

<bump>

[shiningstar]

O Wise and Mighty All Knowing Seer I beseech the gift of thy wisdom.



What fly should I cast to catch Brown Trout on the second Sunday of June?

a HORSE FLY ..........they're bigger then the average HOUSE Fly and will be
easier to put on the hook ;)

[shiningstar]

Muffit:

Originally Posted by The 14th Colony:

Originally Posted by The 14th Colony:

Muffy:

The funny thing is, or weep-worthy thing is, it may be a guy thing, but after the close encounter with the trout, it's a matter of perspective whether he's still a guy or not. :laugh: :duck: :hack:

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

:D

[Rowan]

Oh wise and wonderful all knowing guru I am but your poor foolish and humble disciple but I ask you please do not be angry with my good friend shiningstar for she knows not what she does! She has had a glass of wine you see and just wandered in here wishing to srpead her good cheer and general helpfullness please forgive her. I thank you oh wise and wonderful master. Rowan backing up and bowing as she leaves...:);)

[shiningstar]

OMG that has to be the worst groiner I've read in a while!!!:laugh:

I was just GROANING :wtf:

[shiningstar]

launchcruiser, I love that one! George Carlin is a hoot!

O wise A$$, I have a query for you to ponder. If hot dogs are packaged in groups of 10 then why are the buns sold in packages of 8?

He SURRRRRRRRRRE IS

[shiningstar]

Thanks ROwan .........I'm still high from that ONE GLASS of WINE ..............:wtf:

[shiningstar]

Oh wise one ..........what do you say to some one who is unable to hold their
liquor yet has to drink it for HOLIDAYS as part of the ceremony? :wtf:

[Rowan]

you hold your liquor by the ears shiningstar;) :D

[Bombadil]

Originally Posted by braxiss
wise master,

why do feet smell and noses run???????
Probably for the same reason you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway.

[Rowan]

Oh wise and wonderful all knowing guru I am but your poor foolish and humble disciple but I ask you please do not be angry with my good friend Thomasbombadil for he knows not what he does! he.... oh dear I have no good reason for is audacity...but I ask you all the same to please forgive him. I thank you oh wise and wonderful master. Rowan backing up and bowing as she leaves...:);)

[Bombadil]

Oh wise one ..........what do you say to some one who is unable to hold their
liquor yet has to drink it for HOLIDAYS as part of the ceremony? :wtf:
Have somebody else hold it for you. When are the bandages coming off your hands?

[amberstar]

OH boy! Shiningstar wine gets to me everytime too!;)

Amber

[bsg1fan1975]

o, all knowing wise one! why do they call you a drunk if you have one too many and have to worship the ceramic god?

[The 14th Colony]

you hold your liquor by the ears shiningstar;) :D
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!! :laugh: :D :laugh: :D :laugh:

[Rowan]

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!! :laugh: :D :laugh: :D :laugh:;) :D

[The 14th Colony]

Oh great and all knowing one, I your humble and undeserving disciple have a question:

Why is it that when I bring an umbrella with me it never rains, but when I don't it does....?

:)
God is messing with you. :laugh:

[The 14th Colony]

Oh great and all knowing one, I your humble and undeserving disciple have a question:

Why is it that when I bring an umbrella with me it never rains, but when I don't it does....?

:)
Actually, that is going to be shown in the second of the next two Harry Potter films, in which it is speculated that several magic wands were lost and wound up being used for the center post for umbrellas, and that the metal point of your umbrella has an electromagneticohydroaverto affect on the invisible water chutes which guide the water droppages from the clouds to the earth, by causing them to shift and seal off before being activated. When you don't have your umbrella in the vicinity, the chutes react as planned and the effect is rain as we know it.

[The 14th Colony]

Oh wise and wonderful all knowing guru I am but your poor foolish and humble disciple but I ask you please do not be angry with my good friend Thomasbombadil for he knows not what he does! he.... oh dear I have no good reason for is audacity...but I ask you all the same to please forgive him. I thank you oh wise and wonderful master. Rowan backing up and bowing as she leaves...:);)
So shall it be done, he bee-ith forgiven.

[The 14th Colony]

o, all knowing wise one! why do they call you a drunk if you have one too many and have to worship the ceramic god?
I cannot pass judgement, for I once too worshipped the ceramic god. But now I show my supremecy over the so called god of porcelin by sitting on him. You can deny greatness by sitting rather than kneeling, any day but Sunday.

[bsg1fan1975]

o thank you know it all of know it alls!

[shiningstar]

I cannot pass judgement, for I once too worshipped the ceramic god. But not I show my supremecy over the so called god of porcelin by sitting on him. You can deny greatness by sitting rather than kneeling, any day but Sunday.

:nervous: :blush: :duck: :blush: :nervous:

Ditto

[bsg1fan1975]

:nervous: :blush: :duck: :blush: :nervous:

Ditto


I will third that one!

[Rowan]

I'd like to know why it is that men don't hear a woman talking to them but they will hear each other?

[Muffit]

Hey 14th! Got a quandary for ya!


Why is it, I gotta WASH all my dishes before I put 'em in the dishwasher?
All it really is, is a place to hide the dirty dishes, that's all!

If you know, please do tell!!! :D
http://www.thomas7g.com/battlestar-galactica/smilies/muffit.gif

[The 14th Colony]

Hey 14th! Got a quandary for ya!


Why is it, I gotta WASH all my dishes before I put 'em in the dishwasher?
All it really is, is a place to hide the dirty dishes, that's all!

If you know, please do tell!!! :D
http://www.thomas7g.com/battlestar-galactica/smilies/muffit.gif
It is obvious that you do not eat enough. When I was a lad my mum always told me to clean my plate, meaning eat up everything on it. If you would do the same and leave less food remaining on the plate, to dry up and harden as it sits in the sink waiting to be loaded, you wouldn't need to prewash it prior to the dishwasher. Wise man say, let your mouth be the sponge before the plate leaves the table. Then, less on plate to clean, and more in belly.

[Rowan]

oh wise all knowing guru I have a puzzel I cannot solve and so humbly request your assistance...why does the rain fall differently in the West than in the East. Out West the rain is light, soft you seldom need an umbrella, but back East when it rains it feels like you are being pummeled into the ground! ;) :D

[The 14th Colony]

oh wise all knowing guru I have a puzzel I cannot solve and so humbly request your assistance...why does the rain fall differently in the West than in the East. Out West the rain is light, soft you seldom need an umbrella, but back East when it rains it feels like you are being pummeled into the ground! ;) :D
That is due to the angle of the clouds to the Earth and the circular motion of the planet's spin. The clouds have to rush to keep up with the fast moving surface of the planet, and because they are rushing to the east to keep pace with the planet, the rain falling to the ground has less to fall when it falls in the east, than when it falls all the way to the west. Thus, when it falls straight down it falls hard and sharp and hits the surface rather bluntly. But when it falls to the west it has father to go to reach the west, and has more time to dilute and deharden. If you compared rain drops in the west to eastern rain drops, you would see that eastern drops are larger, heavier, and have blunter surfaces, while western drops are lighter, fuzzier, and more curvacious. So obviously, the hardness and softness of the rain fall in different parts of the continent has a lot to do with the speed of the planet and the slowness if the clouds.

I hope that helps you. :salute:

[Rowan]

LMAO! 14th thanks I needed a good laught tonight! :rose:


That is due to the angle of the clouds to the Earth and the circular motion of the planet's spin. The clouds have to rush to keep up with the fast moving surface of the planet, and because they are rushing to the east to keep pace with the planet, the rain falling to the ground has less to fall when it falls in the east, than when it falls all the way to the west. Thus, when it falls straight down it falls hard and sharp and hits the surface rather bluntly. But when it falls to the west it has father to go to reach the west, and has more time to dilute and deharden. If you compared rain drops in the west to eastern rain drops, you would see that eastern drops are larger, heavier, and have blunter surfaces, while western drops are lighter, fuzzier, and more curvacious. So obviously, the hardness and softness of the rain fall in different parts of the continent has a lot to do with the speed of the planet and the slowness if the clouds.

I hope that helps you. :salute: yes it does ! ;) :D

[The 14th Colony]

Good then. Once again, yet again, time and again, it's up to me to save the day and impart knowables to the unknowing. It's 14th Colony to the rescue! Up, up, and away! Woo hoo!

[Rowan]

Dearest wisest of gurus I appeal most humbly for but a moment of your time, I your humblest of servants have a question...

I would like to know why it is that when a person is scheduled for a medical procedure and told they cannot have anything to eat or drink after a certain hour they are immediately hungry once this hour has passed but were fine a few minutes before.

[Muffit]

Oh great and powerful wizard (and yes, I am ignoring the dog and the man behind the curtain ;) ), I have a whole slew of geog' questions for thee...

Why oh why is Kansas City in Missouri?

If there is a West Virginia, whyi is there no East Virginia?

Who decided Kansas and Arkansas are spelled the same and pronounced totally differently?

If the colonists didn't like England, why did they name all their states after it? (New York, New Jersey, New Hampshire, New England...)

And lastly, if all the towns in California are named after hispanics, why are hispanics unwelcome in California? At least THEY can pronounce the names!!!

Inquiring daggits wanna know!!! :D :D :laugh:
:muffit:

[Darth Marley]

Why do the birds go on singing?
Why do these eyes of mine cry?

[Stray Viper]

14th, I have a question for ya ...

Why do birds suddenly appear
every time you are near?

[The 14th Colony]

Dearest wisest of gurus I appeal most humbly for but a moment of your time, I your humblest of servants have a question...

I would like to know why it is that when a person is scheduled for a medical procedure and told they cannot have anything to eat or drink after a certain hour they are immediately hungry once this hour has passed but were fine a few minutes before.


It is your subconsious at work, installing a rebellious attitude against authority. See, only by eating when you are told not to eat, will you be free of sumbliminatory bondage and have true control. Thus, your subconsious instills the feeling of hunger even though your tummy is full, so as to inspire you to rebel and be free.

[The 14th Colony]

Oh great and powerful wizard (and yes, I am ignoring the dog and the man behind the curtain ;) ), I have a whole slew of geog' questions for thee...

Why oh why is Kansas City in Missouri?

14th: The nearsighted city installer was confused when he entered the state of Kansas, for he was told to report to the acting city planner, Miss Uri, for the city spot to be installed. When he couldn't find Miss Uri in Kansas (she was sexually promiscuous and wound up in Idaho because she thought the state was named suitably for her by being named "I da ho."), he backtracked to get his bearings and upon seeing the sign leading to Missouri, figured that's what his boss had meant so he headed there and that's where Kansas City wound up.

If there is a West Virginia, why is there no East Virginia?

14th: There is Virginia, which originally was named South Eastern Virginia, but they couldn't fit all those words on the map so they left it as plain old Virginia, which happens to be east and southeast of West Virginia. If that were not so, that Virginia is really East Virginia, then the name of "West" Virginia would be a moot point, right? I guess they could have called it "The Other Virginia".

Who decided Kansas and Arkansas are spelled the same and pronounced totally differently?

14th: The same putz who misplaced Kansas City and dropped it in Missouri.

If the colonists didn't like England, why did they name all their states after it? (New York, New Jersey, New Hampshire, New England...)

14th: Geez Muffit, do you think I know everything? Oh yeah, I do. Doh! Because they were fruity, those colonial dudes. Did you see the wigs they wore? That just shows that even after cutting ties with her magesty, that they were still queens at heart.

And lastly, if all the towns in California are named after hispanics, why are hispanics unwelcome in California? At least THEY can pronounce the names!!!

Again it comes down to a city planner with loose screws. The guy was a nervous fellow and had most of his panic attacks during the city naming sessions of the state planning commision. So everytime they asked him to name a town he had a panic attack and mumbled out some barely intelligble word which they translated as best the could and assigned those words, uttered during episodes of his panics, to the labels of the towns on the developing map. And that is how the towns in California got their names, from his panics. As to why his panics are unwelcome, heck, if he would stay on his medication they would tolerate him more!

Inquiring daggits wanna know!!! :D :D :laugh:
:muffit:

[The 14th Colony]

Why do the birds go on singing?
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
They're still trying to get on American Idol.
Umm, you've been slicing onions?

[The 14th Colony]

14th, I have a question for ya ...

Why do birds suddenly appear
every time you are near?
Sounds like you're in love. :eek:

[shiningstar]

I agree with 14th colony on this one

[Archangel]

Or somebody stuck birdseed in your pockets...

[shiningstar]

Or somebody stuck birdseed in your pockets...

:D :thumbsup: :laugh:

[Stray Viper]

Likely! :D

[Stray Viper]

come one, 14th, we need more profundity!

[The 14th Colony]

Come to me with your solid questions, and my learned nature will be bestolled upon you my students. Ask and you shall be answered. Seek and you shall meet wisdom. Mine, that is. :light: How's that for profound?

I wonder if Muffit saw my answeres to her questions. She seems smarter of late, so she must have benefitted from my wisdom. :superholy

[shiningstar]

I beseech you Oh wise one ....Can you tell me how to catch SOMETHING when I usually catch NOTHING?

[The 14th Colony]

I beseech you Oh wise one ....Can you tell me how to catch SOMETHING when I usually catch NOTHING?
Yes, grasshoppah, this I can aid you in. You must go fishing in the rain, with no bait on your hook, and no jacket on your person. Thus, though you catch no fish on your hook, go home with sniffles you shall. Catch no fish, but catch cold you will.

[shiningstar]

Yes, grasshoppah, this I can aid you in. You must go fishing in the rain, with no bait on your hook, and no jacket on your person. Thus, though you catch no fish on your hook, go home with sniffles you shall. Catch no fish, but catch cold you will.

Thank you Ye Wise one :D

[The 14th Colony]

You're welcome, my young apprentice.


Next!

[bsg1fan1975]

Hey Great Wise Guy!

I got one that is so puzzling me.

Why is it a guy will suddenly remember to tell you he is low on stamps when he has used the last one instead of letting you know before he runs out? my hubby does this all the time and I really, really, really want a clue to this one.

[shiningstar]

Hey Great Wise Guy!

I got one that is so puzzling me.

Why is it a guy will suddenly remember to tell you he is low on stamps when he has used the last one instead of letting you know before he runs out? my hubby does this all the time and I really, really, really want a clue to this one.

ME TOOOOOO!!!!!!

[julix]

Wise one........
How does one feel better about one's self??????

[Muffit]

Oh great and wonderful Oz -- I mean 14th - I have a query which has been perplexing me for eons...


Why, oh why do scientists insist that digging deeper logically means going back in time? Lest we forget, all those hundreds of feet of "layers" must have come from SOMEWHERE - so why aren't there huge holes all over the Earth where this dirt magically sprouted from???

Sure, volcanoes might account for a few tiny spots, but /no/ volcanoes erupted all over the whole Earth in the last 5,000 years. So WHERE did all the dirt come from? Huh??? Please tell me, please!!! I don't see any dirt shooting out of the ground covering our streets and valleys!!!

I'm SO confused!!! :laugh:
:muffit:

[Stray Viper]

It came from all the political elections over the years. :)

[shiningstar]

Oh wise one please forgive Strayviper as strayviper knows not what this thread entails ;)
:rose:

[bsg1fan1975]

Yes, please do forgive the child! He does not know that it is not wise to upset the all knowing 14th!

[Stray Viper]

By the Lords of Kobol, what have I done? I have invoked the wrath of 14th! Forgive me!

[shiningstar]

By the Lords of Kobol, what have I done? I have invoked the wrath of 14th! Forgive me!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{STRAYVIPER}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

14th colony will forgive ........for to forgive is ............
DIVINE :wings::halo::star::halo::wings:

[Rowan]

I bow before you my master of wisdom and all knowledge and plead that you hear this humble servants pathetic and unworthy question.

I wish to know why it is that every time I go to watch an episode of a particular show, a show I seldom if ever watch I always wind up seeing the only show I've ever seen before. This has me vastly puzzled and I desperately seek enlightenment.

[The 14th Colony]

Hey Great Wise Guy!

I got one that is so puzzling me.

Why is it a guy will suddenly remember to tell you he is low on stamps when he has used the last one instead of letting you know before he runs out? my hubby does this all the time and I really, really, really want a clue to this one.
Ancient Trylanian proverb say, when man claims to want more stamps to lick, he has something else in mind. Next time man say stamps are his desire, dim the lights, turn on slow music, slip on sheer lace, and pour the wine. Your night is about to become more interesting. :P: :heart: :kiss: :drool: :naughty:

[The 14th Colony]

Oh great and wonderful Oz -- I mean 14th - I have a query which has been perplexing me for eons...


Why, oh why do scientists insist that digging deeper logically means going back in time? Lest we forget, all those hundreds of feet of "layers" must have come from SOMEWHERE - so why aren't there huge holes all over the Earth where this dirt magically sprouted from???

Sure, volcanoes might account for a few tiny spots, but /no/ volcanoes erupted all over the whole Earth in the last 5,000 years. So WHERE did all the dirt come from? Huh??? Please tell me, please!!! I don't see any dirt shooting out of the ground covering our streets and valleys!!!

I'm SO confused!!! <img src=http://thomas7g.com/battlestar-galactica/smilies/colonial-laugh.gif>
:muffit:
Do you remember Charlie Brown's friend Pigpen, the little boy who attracted and generated dirt wherever he went, the boy who could leave his house freshly bathed and dressed, and within 3 cartoon frames be completely dirty again? He was the last of a once prosperous race of manlike dirt bearers, who walked the earth in great numbers until as recently as a few thousand years ago. They became travellers, wanderers who walked to and from about the world seeing all that they could see, and leaving the dust of their beings in their wake, and shaking off the dirt of their bodies in the towns that they passed through. In time, so much dirt had been shaken off by the whole of their race to the point that there was none of their dirt encrusted bodies left and the towsn of which they left behind them were buried by the layers of dust they had shaken off. Then there were nothing of their race to show for all had been shaken off, and the ancient towns were buried in the history of the dirtbearers. Alas if only the dirtbearer race had known of soap and water, so many of those ancient towns of antiquity would still be fruitful and polulated today.

[The 14th Colony]

It came from all the political elections over the years. :)
Either that or from the tabloids.

[The 14th Colony]

Oh wise one please forgive Strayviper as strayviper knows not what this thread entails ;)
:rose:
Yes, please do forgive the child! He does not know that it is not wise to upset the all knowing 14th!
Stray gets a free pass. He's my dog from the olden days, you know. We met when we were both virgins, from a certain point of view. :D

[The 14th Colony]

I bow before you my master of wisdom and all knowledge and plead that you hear this humble servants pathetic and unworthy question.

I wish to know why it is that every time I go to watch an episode of a particular show, a show I seldom if ever watch I always wind up seeing the only show I've ever seen before. This has me vastly puzzled and I desperately seek enlightenment.
You silly girl, you videotaped that one episode, and all you keep doing is pressing Play instead of changing the channel! Stop watching the same tape over and over!

[Archangel]

Oh Great One

This humble one wishes to know why Bologna is pronounced baloney rather than bologna. It is a mystery that has puzzled me since the dawn of time.

[The 14th Colony]

Oh Great One

It is a mystery that has puzzled me since the dawn of time.
I didn't realize you were that old. ;)

[The 14th Colony]

Wise one........
How does one feel better about one's self??????
For that you must refer to Rule #4, listed on the first page of this thread. :/:

[Archangel]

I didn't realize you were that old. ;)

Niether did I :laugh: , but that didn't answer the question :)

[The 14th Colony]

Niether did I , but that didn't answer the question
I could refer you to Rule #3, you know. ;)
But okay, since you have come to me, to me you have come. And since that is so, it explains why it is. Right. Okay, on to your question:
Oh Great One

This humble one wishes to know why Bologna is pronounced baloney rather than bologna.
I can tell you that not only is baloney an Italian sausage but also a city in Italy where the sausage mixture originated, as well as a children's sci-fi book character named Henry P. Baloney. I can also tell you that the Brits spell baloney as "boloney". But most importantly I can tell you that the answer you seek has a similar reasoning to the following statement:

"New Yawkas don’t have an axent, da rest of da country does."

In Italy, the city of Bologna and the sandwich meat bologna are neither pronounced "baloney", but both as "bolonia" since the "g" is basically silent. It is only in America, where everyone else but us talks funny, that it somehow became distorted to sound like "baloney", probably after some lackey dropped off the "a" when spelling out the intended pronunciation "bolonia" and some other lackeys determined that the "i" implied an "ie" sound.

Ironically enough, there is a program in Europe called the Bologna Process (http://www.coe.int/T/E/Cultural_Co-operation/education/Higher_education/Activities/Bologna_Process/default.asp) which seeks to raise the bar of higher education in European universities. Me thinks they should start their process over here by teaching the Ammerykins the proper pronunciation of "bologna". :)

[Archangel]

Thank you, Oh wise one

For this I give you a blessing of my people:

May your nose be the one that smells and your feet be the ones that run, for the other way around would defy description. :D

[The 14th Colony]

What a helpful blessing that is, for time and again it has been the other way around for me. :eek:

[shiningstar]

What a helpful blessing that is, for time and again it has been the other way around for me. :eek:

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((14th colony))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

:rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose:

[Archangel]

One more question, oh wise one

I was defrosting the freezer in my fridge (old fridge, don't ask) which was exceedingly frozen. I had some meat that was in there and even though it was covered in snow and ice, it was thawed.

How is this possible, Oh great Deliverer of Knowledge???

[Stray Viper]

Dear Wise Guy,

If Pasteur proved that life can only come from pre-existing life (spontaneous generation disproved) then why is there a theory of evolution that states life formed from non-living matter?

[The 14th Colony]

Dear Wise Guy,

If Pasteur proved that life can only come from pre-existing life (spontaneous generation disproved) then why is there a theory of evolution that states life formed from non-living matter?
What an insanely dim question! Any elementary age child can easily understand the answer to that! Um.............. :wtf:

Wait, what the hell is that over there? **14th points past Stray's shoulder, and when SV turns around to look, 14th quietly slips out the secret doorway in the nearest wall.**

[The 14th Colony]

One more question, oh wise one

I was defrosting the freezer in my fridge (old fridge, don't ask) which was exceedingly frozen. I had some meat that was in there and even though it was covered in snow and ice, it was thawed.

How is this possible, Oh great Deliverer of Knowledge???
Who cares? Look at my avatar!!! Isn't that the sexiest droidette you've ever seen? She's no refridgerator my boy, she'll melt your ice and put steam in your slacks! :duck:

[Archangel]

Rule 3 again? :D

[The 14th Colony]

Rule #3 is like the 5th Ammendment. I love Rule #3. I don't get to use it often enough, though. :cool:

[shiningstar]

Who cares? Look at my avatar!!! Isn't that the sexiest droidette you've ever seen? She's no refridgerator my boy, she'll melt your ice and put steam in your slacks! :duck:

:LOL: If you SAY so :LOL:

[Archangel]

Who cares? Look at my avatar!!! Isn't that the sexiest droidette you've ever seen? She's no refridgerator my boy, she'll melt your ice and put steam in your slacks! :duck:

:laugh: I like mine a little less metallic!

[shiningstar]

:LOL: I like mine a little less metallic!
:LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

[The 14th Colony]

:LOL: I like mine a little less metallic!Your preference is the inflatable kind, then? ;) :LOL: :duck:

[Archangel]

Let's see :D

Low maintainance

Never argue

doesn't throw things

There are a few pros but they do not outweigh the cons :D

[The 14th Colony]

The inflatables may be low maintainance from a cosmetic standpoint, but it still takes a lot of huffing and puffing before they're ready to go. ;)

[Rowan]

it still takes a lot of huffing and puffing before they're ready to go. ;)Isn't that the case with a real woman?;) :D

[Rowan]

Let's see :D

Low maintainance

Never argue

doesn't throw things

There are a few pros but they do not outweigh the cons :DWell I'm low manitenance:D ...but I do argue:/: but I don't throw things:D and the nicest thing about being real is I'm soft, loving and responsive;) :D

[Archangel]

Well I'm low manitenance:D ...but I do argue:/: but I don't throw things:D and the nicest thing about being real is I'm soft, loving and responsive;) :D

Like I said, the pros do NOT outweigh the cons. soft, loving and responsive are definately what does it for me. :)

[Rowan]

soft, loving and responsive are definately what does it for me. :)
for most of us I imagine! ;) :D

[Archangel]

Maybe we should move this away from the wise one's threadHe probably doesn't need us giving him vicarious pleasure. ;)

[The 14th Colony]

Isn't that the case with a real woman?;) :D
So very true. ;)

[The 14th Colony]

Maybe we should move this away from the wise one's threadHe probably doesn't need us giving him vicarious pleasure. ;)
Hey you, I don't give pleasure to any vicar. Let them find their own from parishaners. :eek:

[Archangel]

:laugh: As long as you're sure about that.

[Rowan]

Hey you, I don't give pleasure to any vicar. Let them find their own from parishaners. :eek:or choir boys!:eek:

[shiningstar]

Your preference is the inflatable kind, then? ;) :LOL: :duck:

:eek::blink::no:;) :) :D :LOL:

[onepath]

or choir boys!:eek:

you could educate?

[shiningstar]

you could educate?
:erk: :wtf: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

[Rowan]

oh wise and knowledgeable one I bow before your eminence and plead for but a moment of your time I your lowly servant beg you to help me solve a most frustrating problem. You see I have two dogs one loves to be outside the other loves to be inside but they cannot bear to be apart! Every time I separate them they become destructive and bark constantly. If I put them both outside the indoor dog barks incessantly if I keep them both indoors the outdoor one becomes destructive. What can I do to solve this annoying problem ?

[bsg1fan1975]

O Lord of Enlightenment,

I seek enlightenment to a puzzling question. Why do some men like my darling husband think that I need to wait to put up the Chrismas tree and decorate it when they are around? I have done this very same task a few times on my own with great success. I wait for the wisdom you will impart in your answer.

[Rowan]

My supreme lord and commander - where for art thou? :(

[Rowan]

Mr. Wise Guru thou art forgetting thy thread :D ;)

[The 14th Colony]

oh wise and knowledgeable one I bow before your eminence and plead for but a moment of your time I your lowly servant beg you to help me solve a most frustrating problem. You see I have two dogs one loves to be outside the other loves to be inside but they cannot bear to be apart! Every time I separate them they become destructive and bark constantly. If I put them both outside the indoor dog barks incessantly if I keep them both indoors the outdoor one becomes destructive. What can I do to solve this annoying problem ?
Oh that's an easy one to solve. You simply tie their tails together and put them in the open doorway and let them determine by means of submission whether they'll go inside or outside.

[The 14th Colony]

O Lord of Enlightenment,

I seek enlightenment to a puzzling question. Why do some men like my darling husband think that I need to wait to put up the Chrismas tree and decorate it when they are around? I have done this very same task a few times on my own with great success. I wait for the wisdom you will impart in your answer.
Alice, to the moon! There are certain things that are best left for manly men to do. I am sure he worries that you will stand the tree up from the wrong end. And then how would you fit the little angel on the tip of it?

[The 14th Colony]

My supreme lord and commander - where for art thou? :(
I am here, my submissive servant. Right here, not there, but here where here is. That's where.

[The 14th Colony]

Mr. Wise Guru thou art forgetting thy thread :D ;)
A wise guru never forgets his thread. He arrives to answer it precisely when he means to.

[The 14th Colony]

A wise guru never forgets his thread. He arrives to answer it precisely when he means to.
Which is why I have returned to my thread at precisely NOW.

So who needs to know the unknown knowables? I am here to enlighten you. :D

[Compass]

Hear my plea, O Wise One. Share thy bountiful knowledge with us lower life forms on this here forum.

Why do my relatives always want to visit on the weekends that I want to use to catch up on work?

[The 14th Colony]

Hear my plea, O Wise One. Share thy bountiful knowledge with us lower life forms on this here forum.

Why do my relatives always want to visit on the weekends that I want to use to catch up on work?
Lower life forms there be not; not here, not there, not anywhere. Of lesser enlightenment and knowingness, however, there be plenty; yes here, yes there, yes everywhere.

Family are meant to make one choose, to make sacrifices, to add variety to life. They are also meant to empty refridgerators, track mud through homes, and occupy all of our time they can get away with. As for your work, well, family are a jealous sort and want you to themselves with work or no work. Scientific research has shown that when God created families, he used the Murphy principle in the patterns of when they arrive and what they expect. If you have free time and need to work, they will show up. It is Murphy's Law. That is your answer: God and Murphy.

[Lara]

The oracle returns, happy are we who scan the threads in the hope of gleaning a little wisdom to apply to our actions.
If it moves the oracle to consider my vexation, please clarify the following for me..

Is it wrong to insist my oversees visitors consume local delicacies such as vegemite or pie floaters?
Even if I like them?
Especially if I tell them whats in them?


Cheers,
Lara

[The 14th Colony]

The oracle returns, happy are we who scan the threads in the hope of gleaning a little wisdom to apply to our actions.
If it moves the oracle to consider my vexation, please clarify the following for me..

Is it wrong to insist my oversees visitors consume local delicacies such as vegemite or pie floaters?
Even if I like them?
Especially if I tell them whats in them?


Cheers,
Lara
Vegemites and pie floaters are delightful delicicies, which I had delivered to my mountain top perch during my months of solitude. Let them eat vegemite, and let them eat pie, and enjoy the rare foods of our grand nation. It is not wrong.

And so I have been moved to consider your vexation, and I have moved my answer to your growing state of awareness.

Next!

[Compass]

Hear me, O Oracle. Let thy radiant truth shine forth.
Why do people procrastinate?

[Lara]

And so I have been moved to consider your vexation, and I have moved my answer to your growing state of awareness.


Thankyou, oh wise one.
I feel most unvexed now!

Lara

[bsg1fan1975]

O Potentate of Potentates, why is it when they issue a heavy snow warning do some local news channels forget to tell you which counties or areas are involved?

[The 14th Colony]

O Potentate of Potentates, why is it when they issue a heavy snow warning do some local news channels forget to tell you which counties or areas are involved?
Because their weathermen have their heads in the clouds when they work.

[The 14th Colony]

Hear me, O Oracle. Let thy radiant truth shine forth.
Why do people procrastinate?
Um, well, I had wanted to answer your question when you asked it but I've been quite busy. I shall answer it soon then. Yes, as soon as I get to it, later. :thumbsup:

[bsg1fan1975]

O Great and Mystifying Wise Guy,

why do men feel the need to share their colds and give it to their spouses?

[The 14th Colony]

O Great and Mystifying Wise Guy,

why do men feel the need to share their colds and give it to their spouses?
Brace yourself for a shocking answer, o humble seeker, for the truth is as shocking as it is yucky.




Men don't like to withhold their fluids. They like their ladies to share and enjoy it as much as they do. :drool:

[Stray Viper]

Dear Wise Guy,

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll lollipop?

[The 14th Colony]

Dear Wise Guy,

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll lollipop?
Countless studies, both scientific and individual, have been carried out since 1931 when the Tootsie Roll Pop was first introduced unto American tongues (and since, worldwide).

With different people the results are always different. It depends on the texture of the individual tongue, the intensity of the licks, the varying acidity of salivas, ect. In some studies, the results have shown an average of 413 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop.

To get the center quicker you'd have to be a quicker licker; as in enabling your licker to flicker quicker. If you were a quicker licker, your tongue would be slicker, and then the women would love you and over you they'd all begin to bicker..

Now if you were to choose between a Tootise Roll Pop and a British lass, after you pick 'er, you take off her knicker, and then be a slicker and quicker flicker licker. And then when your ears get squeezed really hard, you'll know you got to the center of her Tootsie Roll Pop. :P: :drool:

[Lara]

I believe our guru is also a medium, cos I swear with that last post he's channelling the recently passed and much beloved master of the comic tongue twister, Ronnie Barker!! :D :D :D

Cheers,
Lara

[The 14th Colony]

I believe our guru is also a medium, cos I swear with that last post he's channelling the recently passed and much beloved master of the comic tongue twister, Ronnie Barker!! :D :D :D

Cheers,
Lara
But am I channeling him...





...or is he channeling me?







Only the shadow knows.


That's right, the shadow of 14th. I am so wise, that even my shadow knows know than me...because not all of what I know can be fit into this vessel and this the excess is stored in my shadow.

[Compass]

Your Oracleness,
Why do managers expect us to do what they're thinking that they want, instead of what they tell us that they want?

[Damocles]

Your Oracleness,
Why do managers expect us to do what they're thinking that they want, instead of what they tell us that they want?

While you ponder the question Compass posed^1, here is one, "What is the color of flatspace"?

^1 CF TELEPATHY and ignorance.

As always;

[Sarika]

:wtf: :wtf: :wtf: :wtf: :wtf: Flat space you say?.......oh my head hurts :erk: could it be ..no....or is it....no that can't be it....I know! it's ...it's....oh frack it, I give up! :/:

[Damocles]

:wtf: :wtf: :wtf: :wtf: :wtf: Flat space you say?.......oh my head hurts :erk: could it be ..no....or is it....no that can't be it....I know! it's ...it's....oh frack it, I give up! :/:

Flatspace is a single particle if you can call it that. It has no charm and its polar up. If it had volume[it doesn't since it has no time ordinate], its color would be white.

As always; ;)

[Sarika]

Damocles...I think my brain just took a photon ride! :rotf: :yikes: :LOL: Thanks for the profound insight.... ;)