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ravesholpulsar
June 28th, 2003, 07:11 AM
RONALD D. MOORE PRODUCTION DIARY

MAY 3RD, 2003 8:30AM:

Had meeting with Bonnie Hammer over new Galactica. Bonnie says there should be rap music in the main title theme. I’m too frightened of this bone marrow sucking television executive and decide to agree with her. I then wet my trousers for no apparent reason.

9:00 AM

The story conference with all thirty-two members of the Battlestar Galactica production crew goes well. Only 25% of them refer to me as the anti-Christ while the rest for some unknown reason refer to me as “Captain Spungo”.

9:15AM

Trousers wet again.

10:20AM

I’ve just finished speaking with Eddie Olmos who plays Adama. He’s a fine actor with a distinguished background.

10:21 AM

Edward James Olmos slaps me across the face for calling him “Eddie.”

11:17 AM

Have received death threats from an organization who call themselves “The Battlestar Galactica Liberation Front.” They have left death threats on my answering machine. I hit the return call feature on my telephone and discover the threats are in fact coming from the surviving members of Lorne Greene’s family.

Have contacted the FBI who tells me not to worry. Lorne Greene has been dead for a number of years and poses no threat.

12:00 PM

Received a memo from Bonnie Hammer asking that I include some sexually risky material to generate the ratings Sci-fi Channel desperately needs. She wants the Battlestar Galactica to be re-named the Battlestar Love Muscle. I resist and claim my artistic integrity cannot allow such a degradation of such a proud ship. I have therefore re-named the Battlestar Galactica and henceforth it will be known as the Battlestar Sugar Walls.

12:30 PM

Trousers wet again, damn!

1:45 PM

Had to rewrite an action sequence due to budgetary restrictions. The original scene reveals the Colonies being utterly destroyed by Cylon warships with naked, merciless force. Instead, this sequence will be replaced by a vintage Burger King commercial from the early 70’s.

3: 05 PM

I have seen our first special effects of the newly redesigned Galactica. I am in awe. I am inspired. It’s amazing how much quality you can get with $2.87.

4:20 PM

Bumped in to Richard Hatch in the commissary. I exchange pleasant words he exchanges his fist in my eye. He pricks me with a needle he claims is infected with the Ebola virus. I laugh at him and call him a bitter no talent actor.

5:00 PM

My liver melts and slips out through my bowels.

6:00 PM

I am left on life support but manage to make this final entry before the nurse who happens to be a fan of the original Battlestar Galactica pulls the plug on my life supp-----------

The Blue Mule
June 28th, 2003, 09:07 AM
Yea, but did you vanquish the Nibbly-Pibbly's,or the Sheep Squeezers of Bladder 5?

And remeber Battlestar has 3 syllable's.


Hey RP what if Battlestar Galactica was written as the comedy 1941?

Cylon#1:
WHERE IS HOLLYWOOD?

HOLLIS P. BALTARWOOD:
Well hell, You're look'in at'em right here.

CYLON#1:
WHERE?

HOLLIS P. BALTARWOOD:
Here.

CYLON#1: WHERE HOLLYWOOD?

HOLLIS P. BALTARWOOD:
HERE!

The Command Centurian removes a map from the console and shows it to Hollis P. Baltarwood.

CYLON#1:
LOOK, NORTH. SOUTH. WHERE HOLLYWOOD!?

HOLLIS P. BALTARWOOD:
Ohhhh Hell! You want me to show you where Hollywood is,...well it's right her,......wait a minute you want me to tell you where Hollywood is Don't yer! You're probably gonna bomb Jon Whane Adama's house ain't yer?

A tall stoic figure walks from out of the shadows clad in black leather topped with a Fleet Commanders cap.

HOLLIS P. BALTARWOOD:
Well I'll be a Monkey's uncle, A EASTERN ALLIANCE NAZI! You're ALL in Cahoots! (not to be confused with Dirk Benidict's Cahoots)

COMANDANT LIETER:
Oof dumkof eich eich eich im a berliner,auftung!

CYLON#1:
This mission has not been honerable..

Insert Bugs Bunny music here.

THA THA THA THAT"S ALLLLLL FOLLLLKS!

Yikes! I need a Rubber room with 12 roles of rubber wall paper!

Rich

ravesholpulsar
June 28th, 2003, 09:24 AM
Now THAT'S funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

___________
END TRANSMISSION

BSG_Sci_FiPulse
June 28th, 2003, 01:11 PM
Sheesh they don't half work em hard don't they. Overpaid and underworked these hollywood types lol.

newt
June 29th, 2003, 08:25 AM
Bwah hawh hawh! Loved it!