More Blonde Jokes!!!

[Muffit]

My brother must be on a roll -- here are some more blonde jokes he sent me...

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BLONDE JOKES

A DEAD BMW
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"


SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"


EXPOSURE
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why officer?" "Because your breast is hanging out," he says. She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"


RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"


IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"


FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "HelOOOooo," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

[Archangel]

Those are great, Muffit!

[shiningstar]

Originally Posted by Muffit

My brother must be on a roll -- here are some more blonde jokes he sent me...

=========================================

BLONDE JOKES

A DEAD BMW
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"


SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"


EXPOSURE
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why officer?" "Because your breast is hanging out," he says. She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"


RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"


IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"


FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "HelOOOooo," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

[Senmut]

A blonde was in the doctor's office, and the doctor looked at her, and said "No doubt about it. You're pregnant!"

"Gee," said the blonde. "I wonder if it's mine."

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A bloinde, a brunette, and a redhead were waiting in the doctor's office. The redhead said "He was on top. It's going to be a boy!"
The brunette said "I was on top. It's going to be a girl!"
The blonde began to cry. The other two tried to comfort her, asking what was wrong. The blonde looked up, and in a tremulous voice said: "I'm gonna have a poodle!"

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Why do 4 out of 5 blondes perfer cars with tilt steering wheels?
More head room.

[shiningstar]

I got one .........

A blonde decided she needed to go to the planning center to get some birth control.
She got the prescription from the pills ........and started to take them regularly .......

Only a couple of months later she was pregnate.
When the doctor asked her when she forgot to take the pills she said,

"I did just what the instructions SAID ........I Orally 'inserted' the pills every NIGHT!"

[bsg1fan1975]

gotta send these to my sister, she'll love 'em!

[ernie90125]

I made up a blonde joke once, problem was is wan't that funny, although most people agreed that it was a clever double punchline.

What did everybody say to the blonde who claimed to have more than one brain cell ?

You've miscounted.

Ok here's one coming from a blonde. Chances are ( because it came from a blonde ) you've probably already heard it. YUK YUK YUK. Ok on to the joke...

You've heard of "Onstar" now here's "Blondestar"

A blonde calls up Blondstar one day in a total panic. The man on the other end of the line says "Blondstar, how may I assist you?". The blonde says frantically, "like oh my God Puleeze I need your help!" The Blondstar guy says "OK ma'am calm down and tell me what you need me to help you with today". The blonde says "I locked myself in my car and my keys are in my purse on the hood!!"






Tracy

[bsg1fan1975]

cute Tracy! I love it!