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April 9th, 2009, 09:18 PM
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#721
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Every guy that dates Jack's daughter loses a limb. Coincidence? I think not.
Jack Bauer types in ALL CAPS just so you know he's yelling.
In high school, Jack Bauer got a job working as a department store Santa. He was fired after he tortured a child to tell him her Christmas list.
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April 9th, 2009, 09:19 PM
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#722
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Jack Bauer flosses with barb wire.
Jack is sorry for your loss, but he needs you to focus on the primary objective right now.
Losing a colleague or loved one for Jack Bauer is comparable to the feeling of missing the elevator for most people.
around.
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April 9th, 2009, 09:20 PM
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#723
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
A minister, a priest, and a rabbi walked into a bar. The minister was a terrorist and was immediately shot by Jack Bauer.
Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you'd better do it.
Jack Bauer yells at his cell phone to recharge it.
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April 9th, 2009, 09:20 PM
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#724
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Jack Bauer is never caught in traffic. That is because other vehicles fear Jack Bauer and stay out of his way.
Jack Bauer loves reality TV. That's why he allows FOX to follow him
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April 9th, 2009, 09:21 PM
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#725
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
If Jack Bauer were to be elected President of the United States, Iraq would be a democratic nation.
One of the best kept secrets of 24 is that every season of 24 happens on the summer solstice. That is why Jack always says, "Today is the longest day of my life."
Jack Bauer once killed a coworker who had skin cancer. Jack Bauer hates moles.
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April 9th, 2009, 09:22 PM
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#726
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Jack Bauer can do one handed push-ups with no hands.
On his days off from CTU Jack Bauer helps old ladies cross the road. He does this by staring at oncoming cars. On the freeway.
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
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April 9th, 2009, 09:23 PM
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#727
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Jack Bauer can stare directly at the sun.
Jack Bauer never has to preheat the oven.
If Jack Bauer says "Dammit!" more than once in a 24 hour period, don't be in L.A.
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April 9th, 2009, 09:24 PM
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#728
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
When Russell Crowe threw a phone at that guy, Jack Bauer was on the other side of the line.
Every time the cops get an APB to arrest Jack Bauer, half the department mysteriously calls out sick. The fire department too, just in case.
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April 9th, 2009, 09:24 PM
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#729
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
When asked at a restaurant how he likes his steak, Jack Bauer replies, "Just knock off the horns and wipe its ass."
If you break one of Jack Bauer's ribs, he'll just use it to stab you to death.
After torturing Copernicus, Jack Bauer got him to admit that the solar system revolved not around the Sun, but around his gigantic balls.
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April 9th, 2009, 09:25 PM
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#730
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you... well amigo, you're dead.
When a Jedi senses a great disturbance in the Force, it is Jack Bauer.
If Jack Bauer asks for your car, give it to him. And your wife.
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April 9th, 2009, 09:26 PM
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#731
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Jack found Waldo in one hour. The only reason he didn't find him sooner was because of daylight savings time.
Jack Bauer does not need eyes, he can smell a terrorist 15 miles away, and can hear the fear in their heads from 2 miles away.
Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.
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April 9th, 2009, 09:27 PM
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#732
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Jack Bauer once shot a terrorist plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Jack Bauer hates casual conversation. He prefers bullets.
Jack Bauer would have gotten the ring to Mordor in 24 hours.
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April 9th, 2009, 09:28 PM
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#733
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
So many Jack Bauer jokes!
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April 11th, 2009, 07:58 AM
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#734
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
How many wood chucks would it take to chuvk Chuck Walker?
As many wood chucks as it would take to chuck, Chuck Walker wouldn't it?
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April 11th, 2009, 06:55 PM
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#735
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Easter Jokes.
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April 11th, 2009, 06:57 PM
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#736
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Chicken Jokes.
Why did the chicken cross the road ?
To get to the other side
Why did the rooster cross the road ?
To cockadoodle dooo something
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court ?
He heard the referee calling fowls
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April 11th, 2009, 06:58 PM
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#737
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Why did the turkey cross the road ?
To prove he wasn't chicken
Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross the road again ?
Because he was a dirty double-crosser
Why didn't the chicken skeleton cross the road ?
Because he didn't have enough guts
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April 11th, 2009, 06:58 PM
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#738
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Why did the cow cross the road ?
To get to the udder side !
Why did the chewing gum cross the road ?
Because it was stuck to the chicken !
Why did the chicken cross the "net" ?
It wanted to get to the other site !
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April 11th, 2009, 06:59 PM
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#739
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning ?
An alarm cluck !
What does an alarm cluck say ?
"Tick-tock-a-doodle-doo !"
Why does a chicken coop have two doors ?
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
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April 11th, 2009, 07:00 PM
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#740
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
How long do chickens work ?
Around the cluck !
Why did the chicken cross the road ?
To prove to the possum that it could be done !
Why did the chicken end up in the soup ?
Because it ran out of cluck !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:01 PM
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#741
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Why did the cow cross the road ?
To go to the moooooovies !
What do you call a crazy chicken ?
A cuckoo cluck !
What happened to the chicken whose feathers were all pointing the wrong way?
She was tickled to death !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:02 PM
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#742
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?
A bird that lays down !
Why don't chickens like people ?
They beat eggs !
Why did the rooster run away ?
He was chicken !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:02 PM
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#743
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What do chickens grow on ?
Eggplants !
Why is it easy for chicks to talk ?
Because talk is cheep !
What happens when a hen eats gunpowder ?
She lays hand gren-eggs !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:04 PM
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#744
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What happened when the chicken ate cement ?
She laid a sidewalk !
What did the chicken do when he saw a bucket of fried chicken ?
She kicked the bucket !
What did the chickn do when she saw counted spaghetti.
She used hjer noodle!
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April 11th, 2009, 07:05 PM
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#745
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Why did the chicken cross the road half way ?
He wanted to lay it on the line !
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics !
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy ?
"You scratch my beak and I'll scratch yours !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:06 PM
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#746
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Why did the chick disappoint his mother ?
He wasn't what he was cracked up to be !
Is chicken soup good for your health ?
Not if you're the chicken !
What do chickens serve at birthday parties ?
Coop-cakes !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:06 PM
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#747
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn ?
An eggroll !
What do you call the outside of a hand gren-egg ?
The bombshell !
Which day of the week do chickens hate most ?
Fry-day !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:08 PM
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#748
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What happens when you drop a hand gren-egg ?
It eggs-plodes !
Bear jokes.
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April 11th, 2009, 07:08 PM
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#749
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Why do bears have fur coats ?
Because they'd look stupid in anoraks !
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig ?
A teddy boar !
\What should you call a bald teddy ?
Fred bear !
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April 11th, 2009, 07:09 PM
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#750
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
What animal do you look like when you get into the bath ?
A little bear !
Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet ?
It lives on ice !
Have you ever hunted bear ?
No, but I've been shooting in my shorts!
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For fans of the Classic Battlestar Galactica series
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