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Old November 12th, 2003, 05:35 PM   #1
dvo47p
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Default Where men were men, women were women, and Cylons weren't in your bed!

I emailed ‘The Guy Starbuck’ to Shawn, I have on occasion pestered him to post a new one, of his hilarious stories, he used to pen long ago. I ran this by him & ojai22 did her Miss English teacher on this, but the fault is mine and the guy’s that made Starbuck a chick. Mr. Hardy said post it here, so You Old War Daggitt, that Gauntlet thing has been done!
*****************************************************


"Look, up into space!"

"It's a bird!"

"It's a Cylon fighter!"

"It's A Being of Light!"

"No it's, ......The Guy Starbuck!"

The citizens of rag tag feet looked excitedly to space to take in the sight
of the fleet's famous champion, streaking between the ships on the way to a new battle in his tricked-out Viper named "I've Got Balls" (in tribute to
Jim’s former Avatar?) as usual. Children squealed, Women swooned, and real Men applauded.

Deep in the bowels of The Black Tower, in a secret broom closet
(broom=witch-duh) Bonnie's Lair with the motto: ("Give it a Chance”, 'you fools we made it cheap, ourselves') on the wall. Several nasty looking villains were making their escape with the really cheap remake, threatening to cripple Universal's doubtlessly fragile bottom line. The Really Cheap Remake motto:"Don't worry, we're on your side, 'GIVE IT A CHANCE,' its Good, Really. Honestly." Just ask Apothis/Ted at cylon.org!

This sort of thing is naturally viewed as a life-or-death issue by The Real
Fans of Battlestar Galactica, and many innocent bystanders are killed every
year in un-justified firefights between cheap rip off TV villains and the
REAL FANS & Colonial Warriors.

Today though, help was forthcoming! As the REMAKE weasels tried to make
their villainous escape, they found the way to there escape in The New Cylon SuperDuper Fighter blocked by the shapely form of ......The Guy Starbuck!

The miscreants stopped short. They hesitated. They issued various comments upon the situation, such as: "Huh," “Duh”, "Gee," "Oh boy", and "Va-va-voom!" Then their leader Bonnie stepped forth. She was clearly the super villain, for she had an ornate costume with a cape and an iron mask. "What are you waiting for, you cretins," he bellowed. "Shoot him!"

"But boss," whined one of her minions, David Eick. ......The Guy Starbuck! is
really, really strong."

"Yeah," chimed in a colleague of hers, Ronald D. Moore "And he is too cute
to shoot!"

"Durnation, do I have to do everything myself?!" grumbled the big bitch
Bonnie, and stepped forward, pulling out a big ray gun stolen from The
Imperious Leader and pointing it at ......The Guy Starbuck!

Athena, a long and undercover pro-continuation gal, just looked at him and
smiled, and then she put one arm over ......The Guy Starbuck's head, and one on ......The Guy Starbuck's hip, in the classic model pose. As she was visibly concentrating, and he began to GLOW.

"Oh no, boss, ......The Guy Starbuck, is using his manly good looks!," shrieked Michael Rymer!

Even the big villain Bonnie was like frozen. ......The Guy Starbuck's Inner Light grew and grew, and it was like the sun was coming out. ......The Guy Starbuck's aura outshone everything, and everyone was enthralled. Even birds stopped dead in space, and dropped like little rocks?

After a minute, all the evildoers were on their knees, drooling, including
the leader Bonnie, indeed her contract dropped on the sidewalk, like used toilet paper!

Fortunately the better amongst the recently arrived REAL FANS & Colonial
Warriors had experience with ......The Guy Starbuck's powers, so they had
shielded their eyes and hidden behind Cylon fighters. Now they stepped forth and confiscated the cheap master tape from Ms. Master of Disaster, and the rest of the defiling offenders and cuffed them, then off to the prison barge, then out an air lock.

The Apollo the Strike Captain of The Battlestar Galactica turned to ......The
Guy Starbuck! "Good job, Guy with Balls!. Thanks to you, the Fleet can
sleep easily now."

"Oh, no problem" said Starbuck. "I am just disappointed that they gave up
so fast. I didn't even get to use my new laser blaster, old buddy!"

But only ......The Guy Starbuck! knew that his job had just begun!
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Old November 12th, 2003, 06:37 PM   #2
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Good post
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Old November 12th, 2003, 09:46 PM   #3
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Hey this was even funnier the second time around.

OWD
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Old November 13th, 2003, 04:31 PM   #4
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This is not exactly the copy I returned to you...




It's still funny.
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Old November 13th, 2003, 05:54 PM   #5
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Default I'm SHOCKED?

Quote:
Originally posted by ojai22 This is not exactly the copy I returned to you...
Gee whiz oj I had to take out all those F*** Bonnie stuff, Sodomite Ron thing scared me, as well as your method about how to castrate Eick, and I cannot even hint about that Rhymer thing you had! I was in the Navy and I never heard such stuff, WOW you can be nasty, mean & brutish beyond my capacity to express in words, go figure?

Bye bye Ms. Evil
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Old November 13th, 2003, 06:01 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally posted by oldwardaggit Hey this was even funnier the second time around. OWD
Thanks old buddy,now top it!
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Old March 6th, 2004, 07:12 AM   #7
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what great story, can't wait untill i stumble across the next one
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Old March 6th, 2004, 10:36 AM   #8
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Great job Dvo! LOL

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