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Old March 18th, 2003, 10:27 AM   #1
Sept17th
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Default Must Read...Too Funny

The funniest take on Backroom talks of Continuation from Blacktower crowd. My cheeks still hurt from laughing so hard...I promise it won't dissipoint.


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Old March 21st, 2003, 12:14 PM   #2
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Sept 17th, you're right, it's hysterical. Here's the post, remember this is a farce:

Here's what I'm guessing.

Date: 03/18/2003
From: Stallion_Cornell

This is a guess. I have no source of inside information, but here's what I think is happening.

At Colonial Fleets, Michael Faries is mentioning "new scriptwriters" and emphasizing the Karmic nature of RDM's rejection, which will likely come on or around the first of April. Some are complaining that a reworked RDM script that becomes a prequel isn't really a victory, and I think they're right.

I also don't think that's what we're getting.

For Michael Faries to be this happy happy joy joy, there has to be a continuation in the air. In his prequel poll, Michael Faries suggested that a continuation might begin filming even before the miniseries airs.

So here's what's probably happening:

Someone with pull - Glen Larson? Don Bellisario? Tom DeSanto? - sits down with TPTB and convinces them that filming this mini within the confines of the original Battlestar Galactica universe has nothing but upside. A prequel would still be a viable property for a new audience, but it would minimize the hostility of original series fans. TPTB like upside, and, in full CYA mode, they passively decide to go with it. "What can it hurt?" they say. "A line change here, a character cut there - what real difference does it make?" In smug stupidity, they pat each other on the back and go out to the hot tub.

RDM, who has already been tugged and pulled from every direction, initially objects but then wearily begins the process of making cosmetic changes to the script. This is now the flight from Kobol, thousands of yahrens ("Do I have to use the word 'yahrens?' Moore complains) before the original series. He then changes the Cylons into the - Foovians, or some other such nonsense name. After all, these are villains that bear scant resemblance to the original Cylons. They're humanoid; they were created by humans, and they've got religion! They're also Moore's proudest creation, and he's not going to give them up without a fight.

So the Glen/Don/Tom guy, who, as you will discover, is the shrewd hero of this story, goes back to TPTB, who are still in their hot tub, and says "Hey, we've got a problem. RDM has decided the villains of this piece are the Foovians, not the Cylons. But don't you think Battlestar Galactica should have Cylons?" One exec, who's fingers are all pruny from too much hot water, says "you mean those cool robots with the one red eye? I always liked those." The other execs, following their herd instinct, nod furiously. "Oh, yeah, Cylons. Gotta have Cylons." One guy in the corner says "After all, what would Battlestar Galactica be without Cyclones?" Nobody corrects him, and they all go back to sucking on pina coladas.

Glen/Don/Tom goes back to RDM, telling him, hey, tough break, but the story needs Cylons. RDM points out that established continuity won't allow for traditional Cylons in the current script. With a glint in his eye, Glen/Don/Tom shrugs and walks away.

RDM, steam pouring out of his ears, sticks a few Cylons in as throwaway, tertiary characters. He has Cylon scout ships hovering around Kobol, researching these strange "humans" without letting their presence be known. This way, we get a few obligatory shots of the cool red eye things, but there is no impact on the plot, which remains essentially unchanged. Glen/Don/Tom takes the script back to his pals in the tub and says "here it is, complete with Cylons."

Then something amazing happens.

One guy takes the script into the sauna and actually reads it.

"What's with these Cyclones?" he whines. "They don't do anything! And why are the Foovians still here? No one cares about Foovians. I thought we agreed we needed Cyclones."

"Oh, yeah. Gotta have Cyclones."

So Tom/Don/Glen takes back a version of the script that's been furiously marked up with red pencil. It's not just the Cyclones now, either. This guy wants less sex. That guy wants more sex. This guy wants Starbuck - now renamed "Buckstar" - to be a guy. That guy wants Buckstar to be a Cyclone spy. The other guy wants Buckstar to be a playful mule in the family circus. The suggestions are flying fast and furious, and all of them come from people with no understanding of how to dramtically structure the show, and all of them are useless. But Glen/Don/Tom has gotten them involved, and they've got a stake in this thing now.

RDM is apoplectic. "How Buckstar be a mule and a Cyclone at the same time?" He vainly tries to twist and contort what he's written, but he pulls his hair out and gives up. "I don't need this," he mutters. "If this is what they want, then you can call me at my 'Carnivale' office."

TPTB, who have reentered the tub with even hotter water, are, at first, a bit peeved at Mr. Moore. "He's under contract, so where's my mule?" one shouts. They threaten to sue. Indignation all around.

Then one guy gets scared.

"Hey!" he chirps. "We don't have a script now, and we've get sets and a partial cast online for this thing. We already threw away one set of Galactica stuff - can we afford to do that again?"

But, fortunately, Glen/Don/Tom can help.

See, he has taken the liberty of REALLY reworking the RDM script. It's still a prequel, but there are Cylons and not Floovians. Many basic plot points have been changed, but the development money spent on the RDM sets and cast can still work under this framework.

And, best of all, the prequel serves as a direct lead-in to a new, continuation script that Glen/Don/Tom took the liberty of writing. Some plot point in the prequel isn't reseolved - maybe it's the origin of the Cylons, or something that, Suliban-like, connects the prequel to the present. The whole thing is a set-up, and a continuation is the payoff.

At first, TPTB are red-faced with anger. "I thought we agreed a long time ago: NO CONTINUATION!" But Tom/Glen/Don points out that, once again, there's no downside. If the mini flops, then all they've got is a piece of paper with a useless script. If it flies, then, now, they have potentially TWO franchises - a continued prequel, and a legitimate continuation of the original.

"I like," says Sauna Man, and they all sip Pina Coladas again. A dog barks.
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Old March 21st, 2003, 06:50 PM   #3
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My Buckstar would never be a Cyclone!

I'm so upset now.

I need to write some letters!
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Old March 26th, 2003, 08:49 AM   #4
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Hi All!

My God ! That was Fookin Funny, that short story has more entertainment value imbued in it than any thing RD Moore has ever concieved of. GREAT WORK!

Laters!
Rich.
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Old March 26th, 2003, 07:38 PM   #5
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Default I Read Again...thanks Jewels I'm still laughing

"What's with these Cyclones?" he whines. "They don't do anything! And why are the Foovians still here? No one cares about Foovians. I thought we agreed we needed Cyclones."

"Oh, yeah. Gotta have Cyclones."
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