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Old October 28th, 2004, 08:09 AM   #1
julix
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I have written some poems and wanted to get feedback from you all.....Let me know what you think



1)
As I sit alone
the house so quite
and calm
I wonder
who am I?
What do I need to do?
so many years of pretending
now it comes to this
one moment of truth
where I step in the spotlight
and see what I am made of



2)
Happiness an elusive dream
floating through my fingers
so often slipping away
like a whim
sometimes I try to chase it
or squeeze it to get it to stay
sometimes I hold on too tight
or shy away
sometimes I don't even try
at all, but then there is
no hope...and I am not ready to
live a life without hope
So I continue to dream


3)
I was outside; it was snowing
I was alone and it was so cold
So long ago it seemed.
The snow fell freely around me
The flakes were so beautiful and unique
So light and innocent, without a doubt.
How gently they floated down to the earth.
I reached out and tried to hold the memories
But like the snow flakes the memories melted away.


So what do you think?I had one of these published in the school newspaper
when I was fifteen.
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Old October 28th, 2004, 09:05 AM   #2
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Very, very good. I like it, though it feels like the poem is about me at this time, it's how I feel pretty much. So I can relate to what you expressed in the poem. Nicely done.
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Old October 28th, 2004, 02:28 PM   #3
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The first one makes me want to say: Do it!!! Step out and take the risk. You CAN do it!

The next two are sad, and make me feel like I need to hug the writer...

Well done!!!



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Old October 28th, 2004, 02:31 PM   #4
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They are good, Julix
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Old October 28th, 2004, 04:18 PM   #5
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Beautifully written, Julix. Beautiful indeed (((((((((((((Julix))))))))))) I especially enjoyed the last verse. Wonderful.

I think Muffit would be proud.

Affectionately,
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Old October 28th, 2004, 07:24 PM   #6
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When it comes to poetry...I'm definitely colorblind. I want to say something nice. But I'm very obtuse when it comes to poetry.
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Old October 28th, 2004, 07:37 PM   #7
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Very nicely done, julix.

I agree with JJR about the 1st poem. DO IT! Go for your dream. You get precious few opportunities to do that. If you wait too long, it's gone, like the memories you spoke about in the 3rd poem.
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Old October 28th, 2004, 07:39 PM   #8
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very nice julix
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Old October 28th, 2004, 07:48 PM   #9
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Well done sis....... You should continue to write
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Old October 28th, 2004, 11:37 PM   #10
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Verrrry nice Julix! I agree with our wonderful resident Klingon Martok, I AM proud of you! The last one gave me a little chill of warmth. Thanks for sharing!!


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Old October 29th, 2004, 06:17 AM   #11
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Thank you so much everyone your words are so wonderful and kind and mean so much to me!

Thank you all!
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Old October 29th, 2004, 06:29 AM   #12
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Here are a couple more:
1)
The depth of the darkness
is terrifying
like a hole that swallows you up
a strugle to get out
but no rope or ladder ever comes
The days melt together
Doing the right thing
Doing what everyone else needs
So I won't feel the pain
It cuts everywhere leaves
no place immune
The loss so profound
The destruction complete
my soul cries out
But it is loss in the void



Time stood still as I
danced round and round
with you
the most perfect moment
So wonderful and safe
I was Daddy's little girl
a princess's dream
the music so perfect
matching every step
every emotion
Glimpses of our faces
full of love and joy
round and round
we went
if I could freeze time
It would stay forever
in that dance


3)
A soldier in a frame
the picture so clear
and yet the man
unknown to me
I memorized
every line of color
every feature
the loss of knowing
so deep
there is the father
who was gone too soon
but the loss of knowing
the man
even greater

so, I am mostly writing them out for me...but any comments appreciated.
Thanks
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Old October 29th, 2004, 07:43 AM   #13
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Oh, I forgot des anyone have any tips on getting pubished or any information?

Thanks
I tried just doing a search of gettin published and it mostly came up with books written on how to get published....LOL
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Old October 29th, 2004, 02:06 PM   #14
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here it is Shiningstar............
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Old October 29th, 2004, 04:26 PM   #15
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Beautiful and evocative, Julix. A true expression of self there, indeed. I remember even in some posts how you said that you often have difficulty in expressing yourself. I think these poems, these musings prove the absolute reverse.

You truly have a gift there. Keep it up.

(((((((((((((((((((((((Julix))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

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Old October 29th, 2004, 09:19 PM   #16
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There is a lot of expressed there, a lot of adult pains and little girl fears wrapped together. Touching stuff, my friend.
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Old October 30th, 2004, 01:09 PM   #17
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Very nice indeed, check out some of the writers magazines, they often have listings for poetry contests and publishers.
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Old October 30th, 2004, 07:31 PM   #18
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Thanks Rep, 14th, and Martok

Thanks for the response you guys! You are all so wonderful It does my heart good, you don't know how much it means to me! Thanks for the tip rep!
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Old October 31st, 2004, 07:52 AM   #19
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!)
As my mind goes back
through time
like a train making
stops, now and then
the tunnel gets
darker to a time
so filled with pain
My mind cries out
but my voice
is silent
a jumbled mix of thoughts
that don't make sense
confusion that has
no escape
Pain that is so deep
it is white
with no sound
no knowledge
no escape




2)
There was a life
so perfect and complete
so filled with love and happiness
Almost like a dream
in an instant it was gone
black to white
white to black
the same things I saw
the day before
look foreign now
no color
no light
Childhood innocence lost
Joy of life forgotten
to make way for
the enourmous
pain that took over
never to leave
only to try
to be survived
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Old November 2nd, 2004, 06:30 AM   #20
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1)
A soul that wanders through time
seeking to be filled
but finding emptiness
perhaps a mistake
no where to fit in
nothing that feels right
only a glimpse
of a parallel life
which can not exist
the torment is real
the searching continues
like a hungry beast
that needs to find food
for it's survival
Ravonous and wild
finding only desolation
with no way
to feel satisfied


2)
I long for the day
when the grief
has become quiet
when the giant
will sleep forever
but for now I see
I must continue on
try to do what I must
the pain, the hurt
so great there
is no relief
only struggle
only a journey
I am forced into
and afraid to take



3)
What cost must I pay?
What price to be released?
From a cell that has no bars
A prison with no key
many days of pushing away
the thoughts and emotions
only to have them return
with a vengence
overwhelming my mind
into silence
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Old November 2nd, 2004, 05:34 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by julix
I have written some poems and wanted to get feedback from you all.....Let me know what you think



1)
As I sit alone
the house so quite
and calm
I wonder
who am I?
What do I need to do?
so many years of pretending
now it comes to this
one moment of truth
where I step in the spotlight
and see what I am made of



2)
Happiness an elusive dream
floating through my fingers
so often slipping away
like a whim
sometimes I try to chase it
or squeeze it to get it to stay
sometimes I hold on too tight
or shy away
sometimes I don't even try
at all, but then there is
no hope...and I am not ready to
live a life without hope
So I continue to dream


3)
I was outside; it was snowing
I was alone and it was so cold
So long ago it seemed.
The snow fell freely around me
The flakes were so beautiful and unique
So light and innocent, without a doubt.
How gently they floated down to the earth.
I reached out and tried to hold the memories
But like the snow flakes the memories melted away.


So what do you think?I had one of these published in the school newspaper
when I was fifteen.
Very good I like them. I hope you keep writing.
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Old November 2nd, 2004, 07:30 PM   #22
julix
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thank you Shiningstar
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Old November 2nd, 2004, 07:44 PM   #23
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Quote:
1)
A soul that wanders through time
seeking to be filled
but finding emptiness
perhaps a mistake
no where to fit in
nothing that feels right
only a glimpse
of a parallel life
which can not exist
the torment is real
the searching continues
like a hungry beast
that needs to find food
for it's survival
Ravonous and wild
finding only desolation
with no way
to feel satisfied
I can relate to this one Sis......so many times I have felt this way....
Just beautiful
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Old November 2nd, 2004, 08:07 PM   #24
julix
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Thank you so much Sis...
I know you know, we have that in common. Thanks for your kind words
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Old November 3rd, 2004, 11:22 AM   #25
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Hi Julix! I can /so/ identify with your words. Again, you have touched a chord in me. Great work






Quote:
Originally Posted by julix
1)
A soul that wanders through time
seeking to be filled
but finding emptiness
perhaps a mistake
no where to fit in
nothing that feels right
only a glimpse
of a parallel life
which can not exist
the torment is real
the searching continues
like a hungry beast
that needs to find food
for it's survival
Ravonous and wild
finding only desolation
with no way
to feel satisfied


2)
I long for the day
when the grief
has become quiet
when the giant
will sleep forever
but for now I see
I must continue on
try to do what I must
the pain, the hurt
so great there
is no relief
only struggle
only a journey
I am forced into
and afraid to take



3)
What cost must I pay?
What price to be released?
From a cell that has no bars
A prison with no key
many days of pushing away
the thoughts and emotions
only to have them return
with a vengence
overwhelming my mind
into silence
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Old November 3rd, 2004, 02:12 PM   #26
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Muffit
Thank you so much your words mean so much to me! You are the master...I am but the learner I do think that my dear muffit...i am so happy right now....thank you
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Old November 4th, 2004, 07:20 AM   #27
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1)
I try every door
every window
and still no exit
no way to feel
whole or complete
only a little girl
hiding and sitting alone
the tears flow like a river
that makes an ocean
water all around
drowning in tears of pain
no comfort or warmth
no one to save me
struggling in a sea
of grief
as I go under
yet again
wanting to be safe
but lost in a
vast watery void
with no life, no sign
no rescue




2)
Too many times
I walk away
afraid to dream
a life without expression
a way of traveling through time
totally numb
the spirit longs to be
free to go anywhere
but is held down
by some unseen enemy
a long-time fear
never to subside
a way to break through
unknown to me
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Old November 10th, 2004, 05:03 PM   #28
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Julix, check into some of these links:
http://www.aar-online.org/
http://www.sfwa.org/writing/agents.htm
http://www.sfwa.org/writing/OP71.htm
http://www.authorlink.com/605001in.html
http://www.publishersweekly.com/inde...blishersweekly
http://www.randomhouse.com/index.pperl
http://salon.com/books/feature/2002/...ush/index.html
http://www.sfwa.org/bulletin/articles/stalled.htm
http://www.sfwa.org/contracts/contracts.htm
http://www.speculations.com/rumormill/
http://www.sfwa.org/Beware/Safesearch.html
http://www.copyright.gov/
http://www.sfwa.org/beware/copyright.html
http://www.writersdigest.com/store/books.asp

Some of these may have some good info and insight for you to put to use.
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Old November 10th, 2004, 05:06 PM   #29
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Oh, that last one was about me all right. Your wording hits home my friend. Strong expressions of wording they are.
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If reincarnation is real, I want to come back as a bowling ball...because that's how I roll.



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Old November 20th, 2004, 06:36 AM   #30
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Searching through time
for a clue
that makes sense
some puzzle piece
that allows my spirit
to comprehend
the darkness around it
swiriling and pulling
in all directions
ending up nowhere
except back to the
same spot
flashes of light
in patterns that
are undone
time and life
a mystery
that is unwilling
to yield
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