Welcome to the Beaver Cafe! - Page 12

Muffit · April 23rd, 2004, 08:16 PM

Great to see you again Stray Viper!!!

Rowan -- I hate it when people are slobby (I borrowed someone's car once and had to spend a half hour cleaning stuff out just so I could see the seat and the pedals on the floor!).

My advice -- from an old 60's book about raising children using the old noggin', and yes, most guys are children, duh -- next time he does that, pick up all the shells/mess/whatever, and dump it somewhere where it will irk HIM -- like on his pillow!!! Keep doing that till he learns to look thru someone else's eyes.

Rowan · April 23rd, 2004, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amberstar

Rowan you are the only one that can decide what to do in this. Sounds like to me he needs to grow up a bit. He needs to grow up A LOT! lol!
You could hire a maid service to clean once a week and make him pay for it. Maybe that would get him to change his ways.

He 'd never do it money is way too tight right now because I'm in school full time, I was going to take the LPN test next month and work as a liscenced pratical nurse through the summer but dragon lady put the kybosh on that idea! so now instead of making some money through the summer and enjoying my summer I now have to be in school yet again!!!

Rowan · April 23rd, 2004, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Muffit

Great to see you again Stray Viper!!!

Rowan -- I hate it when people are slobby (I borrowed someone's car once and had to spend a half hour cleaning stuff out just so I could see the seat and the pedals on the floor!).

My advice -- from an old 60's book about raising children using the old noggin', and yes, most guys are children, duh -- next time he does that, pick up all the shells/mess/whatever, and dump it somewhere where it will irk HIM -- like on his pillow!!! Keep doing that till he learns to look thru someone else's eyes.

boy I suppose I could do that, but is seems harsh, I'm not good at being harsh.... i'd also be a little nervous as to how angry he might get...but I't worth a try I feel like I've exhausted every other idea. I do dump a lot of his stuff on his side of the bed when he dumps it all over the kitchen table and counters...he just sweeps it onto the bedroom floor and crawls into bed!!!

Rowan · April 23rd, 2004, 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by braxiss

my daughter is 7
and my son is 5

yea once their asleep i'll move them to their beds

*sigh* I want kids sooooo badly! I love that age!

unowhoandwhy · April 23rd, 2004, 08:33 PM

Poor Rowan, I know what I would do but I am not you, so I will keep quiet.

Back when I was living in Boston I went through four roommates, each one progressively sloppier and more hygienically challenged. The last one had an odor exuding from his room that was so vile I had to hold my nose to walk past it, which was a real pain as I had to go past it to get to the shared kitchen and bathroom. He cleaned the bathroom once in the three years that he lived there and believed that seeing how high you could pile garbage on top of a trash can was a competitive sport.

So, even if I won't offer advice, maybe my tale will help you feel better? It's the reason I've lived alone for the last 2 and 1/2 years and been perfectly happy!

shiningstar · April 23rd, 2004, 08:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rowan

ok I need to let off a little steam with regards to my slob of a bf! I want to know how many ladies here would put up with a man who shells peanuts and leaves the shells all over the floor and does not clean it up for 5 weeks! I'm talking many dozens of peanuts not just a couple! I finally caved and just cleaned up his mess in the living room, I really tried to wait him out but I just could not endure it for one more second!!!!

thank you all for listening

When my DH does that ................I hide the nuts .............that drives him NUTS.

But he eventually gets the message that if he wants the nuts he has to shell them and clean up the mess afterward.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((ROWAN))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Rowan · April 23rd, 2004, 08:58 PM

well Uno I know what I want to do to him but I enjoy my freedom too much! LOL!

well if he were a room mate I'd have ditched him long ago but now I am seriously beholden to him and owe him a lot of money for all the schooling. Now if The first guy I lived with and put through univestiy for 7 years had only lived up to our agreement I would not be in this situation! he was supposed to put me through university after he was finished, but instread I wound up with nothing in fact worse than nothing, He owes me over 30 thousand dollars (canadian) and there is more but too painful to discuss... but anyways if the (bleep) had only been an honourable person my life would be completely different! why do I get involved with all the wrong men!!! I'm in such a mood tonight sorry guys!

braxiss · April 23rd, 2004, 09:34 PM

((((((((((((((rowan))))))))))))))))

Rowan · April 24th, 2004, 01:37 PM

Thank you braxiss I really needed a hug!

unowhoandwhy · April 26th, 2004, 11:18 AM

Well then, here's another one:

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Rowan)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I understand about the wrong man thing. Sometimes in life we're stuck between a rock and a hard place with no way out of either, at least for a while. Hang in there, you will get your schooling done someday and then life will open more paths for you to take.

Rowan · April 26th, 2004, 11:20 AM

Thank you unowhoandwhy I appreciate it, that is exactly what I'm thinking too! and hoping for...

bsg1fan1975 · April 26th, 2004, 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rowan

ok I need to let off a little steam with regards to my slob of a bf! I want to know how many ladies here would put up with a man who shells peanuts and leaves the shells all over the floor and does not clean it up for 5 weeks! I'm talking many dozens of peanuts not just a couple! I finally caved and just cleaned up his mess in the living room, I really tried to wait him out but I just could not endure it for one more second!!!!

thank you all for listening

my guy knows what would happen if he left a mess like that for me to clean up! So before any of his get out of control I remind him I am not his mother or the maid!

Rowan · April 26th, 2004, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bsg1fan1975

my guy knows what would happen if he left a mess like that for me to clean up! So before any of his get out of control I remind him I am not his mother or the maid!

oh I tell him that all the time I tell him if he makes me feel like his mother it's going to really kill any sexual attraction for me because I'm not into incest! It' doesn't change anything...

kitty · April 26th, 2004, 02:27 PM

Who's going to wish me luck for tomorrow?
I have to go to panel to see if I still have a job!

Rowan · April 26th, 2004, 03:36 PM

SORRELL! I forgot! I wish you tons and tons of good luck! if they don't see the light then tell them there is this nasty woman you know with a dungeon just itching to get her hands on them

kitty · April 27th, 2004, 01:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rowan

SORRELL! I forgot! I wish you tons and tons of good luck! if they don't see the light then tell them there is this nasty woman you know with a dungeon just itching to get her hands on them

Thanks Rowan.
Knowing that hard nosed cow, she might like the idea!

bsg1fan1975 · April 27th, 2004, 03:31 AM

good luck sorrell. I hope the dragon lady gets turned into a crispy critter by someone else's flame!

shiningstar · April 27th, 2004, 04:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sorrell

Who's going to wish me luck for tomorrow?
I have to go to panel to see if I still have a job!

Good luck Sorrell .............I'll keep you in my prayers for the job!

Rowan · April 27th, 2004, 10:34 AM

Muffit I want to know what the x-rays said? well x-rays can't talk but you know what I mean...

Sorrell I want to know how the meeting went?

Rowan · April 27th, 2004, 10:39 AM

So I woke up this morning only to discover that my sweet bf had once again left the house without locking the front door. A few months ago a young woman was abducted by three men in a car a few houses away from me as she walked along the street, and we have had a few home invasions just down the block (home invasion is when your home is broken into while you are home, generally you are either beaten or tied up as part of their fun) In other words Although it looks like a nice street nasty things happen here but Nope just doesn't seem to sink into his brain...not a protective bone in his body!

unowhoandwhy · April 27th, 2004, 10:59 AM

Send him my way, Rowan, and I'll give him some training that he so obviously needs!

Muffit · April 27th, 2004, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rowan

Muffit I want to know what the x-rays said? well x-rays can't talk but you know what I mean...

Sorrell I want to know how the meeting went?

Hi Rowan

The doc was supposed to call me Friday, so I calle dhim this AM. Waiting to hear back, then will let you know...

bsg1fan1975 · April 27th, 2004, 12:12 PM

my sweetie always locks the door behind him when he knows that I will be home alone. Like Rowan said our neighborhood is quiet but you never know!

kitty · April 27th, 2004, 12:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rowan

So I woke up this morning only to discover that my sweet bf had once again left the house without locking the front door. A few months ago a young woman was abducted by three men in a car a few houses away from me as she walked along the street, and we have had a few home invasions just down the block (home invasion is when your home is broken into while you are home, generally you are either beaten or tied up as part of their fun) In other words Although it looks like a nice street nasty things happen here but Nope just doesn't seem to sink into his brain...not a protective bone in his body!

From all that you have said about him, it looks like he needs to grow up and take responsibility.
No one is safe these days, especially women.
I had a go at my son, last week, as he left his front door keys in the front door all night, it was only when I went out the next day, I found them. I was hopping mad at him, anyone could have taken them and used them at a later date, or let themselves in while we were asleep.
Lucky for us, we live in a really nice area, but you can never take it for granted.

Rowan · April 27th, 2004, 07:03 PM

Well he did only turn 30 a few months ago, he is very immature like living with a teenager! Sometimes he waits so long to do laundry, the scent of old sweaty clothes coming from the bedroom is so strong I have to sleep in the spare room. He never cleanes the sink after he shaves...if he shaves. he often forgets to flush the toilet, he piles his wet towels on the floor in the bathroom week after week till I can't take it anymore...he goes for weeks before he cuts the lawn, the grass is sometimes 8 inches high or more...and the other day horor of horors I found an old used condom on the floor on his side of the bed...seriously gross! when I brought it to his attention he just shrugged ACK!!! I just can't stand it!

braxiss · April 27th, 2004, 07:07 PM

((((((((((((rowan)))))))))))))

be strong sis, hang on, don't lose focus, because there is a reward somwhere in your future.

Rowan · April 27th, 2004, 08:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by braxiss

((((((((((((rowan)))))))))))))

be strong sis, hang on, don't lose focus, because there is a reward somwhere in your future.

*sigh* < resting head on braxiss' shoulder > thanks I could use the hug, and the encouragement, I'm sure hoping my future will be my present soon!

kitty · April 27th, 2004, 11:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rowan

Well he did only turn 30 a few months ago, he is very immature like living with a teenager! Sometimes he waits so long to do laundry, the scent of old sweaty clothes coming from the bedroom is so strong I have to sleep in the spare room. He never cleanes the sink after he shaves...if he shaves. he often forgets to flush the toilet, he piles his wet towels on the floor in the bathroom week after week till I can't take it anymore...he goes for weeks before he cuts the lawn, the grass is sometimes 8 inches high or more...and the other day horor of horors I found an old used condom on the floor on his side of the bed...seriously gross! when I brought it to his attention he just shrugged ACK!!! I just can't stand it!

It seems that he is not that interested in a adult relationship, he wants a maid that he can sleep with!
I bet his mother did everything for him when he lived at home. Most of the time, it does not do them any favours, and especially does not help any future partners. So mothers of young sons beware!
Does he treat you with respect in other areas of your relationship?

Rowan · April 28th, 2004, 04:31 AM

Yikes this turned into quite the rant apologies

Quote:

Originally Posted by sorrell

It seems that he is not that interested in a adult relationship, he wants a maid that he can sleep with! ya I think you nailed it there!
I bet his mother did everything for him when he lived at home.yes! nothing is expected of him there even now! if we eat over there the daughter who is a married woman is called to help clear the table and do the dishes and the men go into the family room to watch tv ACK! I hate that kind of separation of the sexes. When I see him heading that way It's me that calls him back and tells him to help clear the table and kitchen. Sometimes I get ignorant answeres like "but the game is on or but I want to watch TV" I always point out that, I would like to watch too, but first I'm a guest here and second The work needs to be done, 3rd it's not fair to leave it up to his mom and sister and I to do it all. Most of the time, it does not do them any favours, and especially does not help any future partners. So mothers of young sons beware! I am constantly telling all my friends raising boys how this behaviour can destroy relationships, I really hope they listen.
Does he treat you with respect in other areas of your relationship?

Yes I would say it's more a matter of lazziness and a lack of comprehension and experience. He has only ever had one other girlfriend in his life and he dumped her. He has no clue, no ability to place himself in the shoes of others I'm constantly helping him with that. He just doesn't appreciated that I'm serious when I tell him how this is wearing me down, how it's seriously turning me off of the relationship, especially physically, I really am not attracted anymore to him. when it's been months since he's gotten any and I've told him why that is there will be a burst of activity from him for the next week or so and he will be very solicitous, I cave because I'm feeling better and desperate and then a few day later we are back to the way it was. I really can't live like this, then he gets frustrated with me because I'm drawing away, spend more time alone, so he becomes even more needy in a child like way, constantly interupting me if I'm watching a program, reading a book, on the computer, stydying, anything in which he is not the sole reciever of the attention, but he fails to give me any attention, yet he cannot see this at all. Most extraordinary!
It took me 2 years and many fights to get him to "offer" (more like agree ) to come pick me up from work or the skytrain if it was late at night and I was going to have to wait a long time for the next bus, I'd call and ask for a lift it's only ever been a 15 minute trip for him to make but he so begrudges it! despite the fact that it might be 2 am when I get off work downtown Vancouver and I either have to hang around on the dark streets waiting for the next bus or walk home which I tended to do at the time because I had no patience to wait etc. In the last year he has finally stoped giving me a hard time about it but I can still hear the reluctance in his voice, DRIVES ME NUTS! and the skytrain station I wait at is one of the scariest there is, (he knows it but it doesnt seem to make a difference to him) the other day the cops opened fire on 3 guys and shot them not 30 minutes before I got there!
He has many pluses don't get me wrong, he bought his own house at 28, has several vehicles, makes good money and is responsible with it (more or less) he buys me little food treats like chocolate bars, he has a big heart and is generally a nice guy, puts up with me... just really clueless!

unowhoandwhy · April 28th, 2004, 07:27 AM

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Rowan))))))))))))))))))))))))))

And here are some

as it sounds like you don't get many from your not-so-significant other!