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Old April 15th, 2005, 12:10 PM   #61
julix
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any other feedback??? I am going to submit some poems to a contest.........I would love feedback. Thank you to those who have given me their choices already!
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Old April 15th, 2005, 12:34 PM   #62
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Joni -

I never knew you had such a dark side...

What style of poetry is that? I'm not an expert, that's why I'm asking.

Nice to see your face again!

Bryan
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Old April 15th, 2005, 02:13 PM   #63
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Quote:
Originally Posted by julix
I have a favor to ask I am gonna submit 2 or 3 poems to a contest.......can I have some feedback on which ones you all think are the best????
I am certainly no expert, but here are my three favorites:

#3 in post #28
Post # 34
Post # 47

Good luck in the contest...your work is excellent, and is certainly award-worthy. You have my thoughts and prayers in your endeavor. As they say in the theater world: “Break a leg!”

--JJR
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Old April 16th, 2005, 06:31 AM   #64
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gemini1999
Joni -

I never knew you had such a dark side...

What style of poetry is that? I'm not an expert, that's why I'm asking.

Nice to see your face again!

Bryan
Ummmmmm,
Actually my poems surprize even my closest friends who have known me for 20 years....but not that I have a dark side per se.....but most all of these poems(I really don't know the style) came from the pain of loosing my father.......I was too young to express the pain as a child so in these words it helps me express the grief and loss.
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Old April 16th, 2005, 06:32 AM   #65
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Quote:
Originally Posted by justjackrandom
I am certainly no expert, but here are my three favorites:

#3 in post #28
Post # 34
Post # 47

Good luck in the contest...your work is excellent, and is certainly award-worthy. You have my thoughts and prayers in your endeavor. As they say in the theater world: “Break a leg!”

--JJR
Thank you so much JJR for your kind words and your feedback! It means alot to me.
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Old April 16th, 2005, 01:42 PM   #66
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Thumbs up Pretty Good

Excellent writing.
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Old April 16th, 2005, 01:52 PM   #67
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I will start reading again tomorrow . but the poam i remarked on is still my fav
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Old April 16th, 2005, 01:56 PM   #68
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Thumbs up

Quote:
Originally Posted by julix
Looking from the outside in
what appears?
I don't know what
the reflection shows
If the image were stable
instead of a flickering light
could it be then
a true statement
would be found


Searching for the light
a way to make things
make sense
seem complete
comming together
to create a harmony
never before
felt or seen

This is another contender That I enjoy and mirrors what many people feel
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Old April 20th, 2005, 05:06 PM   #69
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cobrastrikelead
Excellent writing.
Thank you Cobrastrikelead!
I really appreciate the feedback!
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Old April 20th, 2005, 05:08 PM   #70
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Taranis
This is another contender That I enjoy and mirrors what many people feel
Thanks Taranis for looking them over again, it means a lot to me! My heart and soul are in these words which capture a very dark time for me. it defines the loss of my father as a child. I had someone tell me maybe the reason I like BG(tos) is because of Lorne Green's Adama who is such a great father figure. I think it might be true, I always felt safe with him and knew he would find earth someday!
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Old April 23rd, 2005, 07:44 AM   #71
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Default Seems only right

today that your stuff should be at the top of the page.
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Old April 23rd, 2005, 06:41 PM   #72
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cobrastrikelead
today that your stuff should be at the top of the page.


awwww,
thank you! That made my day
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Old April 28th, 2005, 07:21 PM   #73
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Hey julix, a writing challenge for ya- A poem about this ->

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Old April 28th, 2005, 07:31 PM   #74
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Your challenge limit may be up Warrior.............
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Old April 28th, 2005, 07:34 PM   #75
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Old April 29th, 2005, 07:08 AM   #76
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here are a couple I wrote awhile ago.......

An endless trickle of water
Down the stream of life
Always changing
Always ebbing and flowing
Sometimes bright and happy
Sometimes cold and stormy
But always evolving
As day into night
Night into day




and........





As a butterfly is first
Coming out of it’s cocoon
Full of ooze and fear
Unsure of the next stage
Clinging to a life
It has always known

There is a moment when
It comes down to faith
And instinct, beyond the mind
Where it must let go
Of the old shell and break out to a new life


Just as death is the next step
An evolution in the stage of life
Unknown
Cold
Dark
But I wonder
Can it be beautiful ?
Calm
Peaceful
Free of physical pain
And free from suffering
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Old June 3rd, 2005, 04:27 AM   #77
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it has been awhile since I wrote any poems.............
I think I am having writers block.............darn it.
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Old June 3rd, 2005, 05:40 AM   #78
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ok.....just saying that helped....but these are ideas



A breathe held
everytime one of them
walks out the door
will it come again?
the nameless faceless
cloud which
envelopes
and shatters
which tears
breaks and
leaves
complete darkness
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Old June 3rd, 2005, 05:43 AM   #79
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Standing on a line
not sure which
way to step
frozen infear
pondering all
the emotions
thoughts
carefully
I walk the line
mindful
of all
I have
and
all I can lose
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Old June 3rd, 2005, 07:23 AM   #80
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very good!
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Old June 3rd, 2005, 07:56 AM   #81
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Thanks BSG.....it is always good to see you!
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Old June 3rd, 2005, 08:01 AM   #82
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The whole is splintered
into shattered pieces
of a broken heart
which will not mend
never to come together
unfulfilled
scarred
torn
Impossible to heal
magnets of time
can't pull the pieces
whole again
no amount
no measure
no pleasure
only pieces
left undone
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Old June 3rd, 2005, 12:28 PM   #83
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keep it coming!
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Old June 5th, 2005, 05:48 AM   #84
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Water memories
clear, stable water
life giving water
to be around it is to remember
a clear blue body
a mountain setting
so many times happy
flashes in the mind's eye
and in my soul
drawn back through time
pieces, fragments of time
some so filled with complete
joy
Untill
a break in time
a loss so complete
starring at the calm waters
I see the darkness
that is below the surface
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Old June 6th, 2005, 06:50 AM   #85
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ooooooooo,
the picture sent for this threadlooks good yes?
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Old June 6th, 2005, 03:45 PM   #86
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Very deep Julix, very profound. That one about heartbreak and loss is the one I most felt touched by, but I still have more to read.
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Old July 8th, 2005, 05:33 PM   #87
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Pain
so intense my heart
is pounding
I feel dizzy
disconnected
lost and alone
the pain
mutiplies it seems
no escape
I can't think
my heart pounds so
I want to run
but know there is
no where I can go
that the pain won't find me
again
and again
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Old July 8th, 2005, 07:50 PM   #88
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I know of which you speak.
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Old July 11th, 2005, 05:35 AM   #89
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Quote:
Originally Posted by repcisg
I know of which you speak.

Then you may need a hug...................(((((((((((((((((rep)))))))))))))))))) I will give ya one anyway!
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Old July 11th, 2005, 10:42 AM   #90
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Thank you Julix,

We tend to write of that we know,
so just for you ...................(((((((((((((((((Julix))))))))))))))))))

from me.
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