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April 16th, 2009, 10:05 PM
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#1561
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Most people afraid of getting disease from hoohee. Clinton is afraid of getting sex from Aides.
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April 16th, 2009, 10:05 PM
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#1562
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Q: Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
A: He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
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April 16th, 2009, 10:06 PM
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#1563
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Q: What's the headline on the Washington Post read?
A: Bush finally defeats Clinton.
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April 16th, 2009, 10:07 PM
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#1564
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
AP - Monica Lewinsky, in a statement released today, countered President Clinton's firm denial:
"I have had enough. This whole experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I can't stomach any more. I feel as if I am getting the shaft, that this ugly matter has come to a head and blown up in my face.
"This may be a load to handle, but when things are hard, that is when I am at my best. I have faced hard things in the past, and I know what is coming. I will meet this challenge the only way I know how: head on.
"I have licked bigger things than this before, and I will again. No one will ever be able to say that Monica Lewinsky isn't a finisher, that she quit before the job was done. I will work non-stop and fight this, blow by blow, until I am wiped clean of this dirty affair. I will not be stained by it.
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April 16th, 2009, 10:08 PM
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#1565
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
This Monica Lewinski/Bill Clinton fiasco is really a misunderstanding. Monica is a bit hard of hearing, and the Whitehouse intercom is a bit crackly. What Mr Clinton really said was:
"Monica, hold my calls and sack my cook".
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April 16th, 2009, 10:08 PM
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#1566
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Q: What is green, has four legs and smells like fish?
A: The White House pool table.
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April 16th, 2009, 10:10 PM
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#1567
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
A guy walks into a local bordello and picks out a girl. They go back to her room and start to discuss prices. She says, "It's $100 for a hoohoo, $200 for standard, and $250 for a Monica".
"What's a Monica?", he asks.
"That's where I wow you now and bill you later", she answers.
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April 17th, 2009, 04:14 PM
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#1568
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Klingon Jokes
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April 17th, 2009, 04:15 PM
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#1569
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Top 10 things likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon Programmer:
1. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
2. By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!
3. You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!
4. Our competitors are without honor!
5. Specifications are for the weak and timid!
6. This machine is GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code!
7. Perhaps it IS a good day to die! I say we ship it!
8. Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!
9. My program has just dumped Stova Core!
10. Behold, the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!
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April 17th, 2009, 04:17 PM
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#1570
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Star Trek: Klingons
It seems the Klingons had a diabolical plan to trap the ENTERPRISE in silver paper.
Luckily, the plan was foiled.
Have you heard the new Klingon army motto?
Join the Klingon army. Visit exotic planets, meet interesting people, and kill them!
Tribbles are sweet...
...but they can be bitter if you overcook them.
A KLINGON and a ROMULAN fall off a tall building at the same time.
Which one hit the ground first?
- The Romulan. The Klingon had to stop and ask for directions.
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April 17th, 2009, 04:19 PM
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#1571
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
How many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb?
1) Two. One to change the light bulb and one to kill the other and take all the credit.
2) None. There is no honour in changing a light bulb, besides, a true warrior isn't afraid of the dark.
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April 17th, 2009, 04:21 PM
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#1572
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Have you ever noticed that the Klingons are all speaking unix?
"Grep ls awk chmod."
"Mknod ksh tar imap."
"Wall fsck yacc!"
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April 17th, 2009, 04:23 PM
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#1573
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Q: How many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: TWO: One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and
take all of the credit.
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April 17th, 2009, 04:24 PM
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#1574
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Q: How many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: NONE: Klingons aren't afraid of the dark.
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April 17th, 2009, 04:24 PM
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#1575
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Q: What do the Klingons do with the dead bulb?
A: Execute it for failure.
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April 17th, 2009, 04:25 PM
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#1576
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Q: What do the Klingons do with the Klingon who replaces the bulb?
A: Execute him for cowardice.
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April 17th, 2009, 04:26 PM
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#1577
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Q: How many Romulans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: ONE HUNDRED FIFTY_ONE: One to screw the light bulb in, and 150 to
self-destruct the ship out of disgrace.
Okay; so it has to be Star Trek Jokes.
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April 17th, 2009, 04:27 PM
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#1578
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Q: How many Vulcans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000000000000
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April 17th, 2009, 04:27 PM
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#1579
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Q: How many Borg does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: All of them!
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April 17th, 2009, 04:28 PM
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#1580
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Q: What is Captain Picards biggest pet peeve?
A: When they replace his dilithium crystals with Folgers crystals.
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April 17th, 2009, 04:28 PM
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#1581
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
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April 17th, 2009, 04:30 PM
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#1582
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly.
Ah canna work miracles, Captain.
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April 17th, 2009, 04:30 PM
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#1583
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Dr. McCoy: Dammit Jim!! I'm a doctor not an farmer!
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April 17th, 2009, 04:31 PM
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#1584
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Mr. Spock: Obviously, it was the logical thing to do.
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April 17th, 2009, 04:31 PM
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#1585
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Mr. Data: Why is a barn yard fowl crossing a thoroughfare humorous?
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April 17th, 2009, 04:32 PM
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#1586
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Mr. Worf: For the honor of all chickens.
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April 17th, 2009, 04:32 PM
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#1587
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Counsilor Troi: I knew it was going to happen. I could sense it.
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April 17th, 2009, 04:33 PM
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#1588
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Computer: Insufficient information.
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April 17th, 2009, 04:33 PM
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#1589
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Q: Have you heard about the book on Betazeds?
A: It's by: Ophelia Paine.
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April 17th, 2009, 04:34 PM
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#1590
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Bad Email Address
The Last Person
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,713
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Re: Clean joke of the day.
Q: Have you read the book "Go to Warp 9..."?
A: It's by: N. Gage
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For fans of the Classic Battlestar Galactica series
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