Hey ho...

[Proximo]

Me again, back after a long absense, wondering if people remember me or not. Probably some do, some don't...

That relationship thing is back to haunt me again.

Does anyone mind if I talk about it?

The two ladies... I'll call them C and S. C was the first, the one I was going to marry, but we broke up. S was another whom I felt I might be attracted to. I still am, but I had a strange thought the other day. C has been away for a while, back home with her parents during spring break. While she was away, I started to feel a little better and things just generally got on. But then I started to miss things - like you do - and... well. The thing is, I suddenly wonder if I was doing the typical male thing and getting cold feet. I ran to S, because she's a long way away most of the time, which means no responsilbility on my part... the thing is, now I'm starting to realise that I just won't stop loving C. I've managed to get myself in to that soap-operaish position of loving two women and having to chose (again!) only, this time, whatever choice I make I know I'll hurt one of them.

On the one hand, when I was with C, my life seemed to be stuck. I hadn't committed something. Practically the moment we broke up things started going my way again. With S, I seem happy, and I know she's happy, but I feel like I'm missing something. I can't really explain it though...

But what does it sound like to you folks? Don't just post and say "oh you poor thing..." though. I need a kick in the pants is what I need.

[Gemini1999]

Proximo -

I'm going to give this a go, but I don't guarantee anything..... I suppose one of the first things to address is the fact that you broke up with C - who broke it off and why? If you were going to marry her, why did you pick up with S? Where did S come into the picture? Was it some time after the breakup, or is she a "rebound relationship" to fill in the missing bride?

The one thing you need to realize is that people are not interchangable - you can't just drop one out and pop another in and things will be the same. One of the reasons you are not entirely comfortable with S is that you wonder what kind of future you may be giving up by not marrying C. The reason you are having a good time with S is the fact that the relationship is new and just starting off - no responsibility or demands being made - just fun.

You must have really been in love with C if you asked her to marry you, but you have to wonder how strong that love is considering the breakoff with an impending marriage on the horizon. You are right about something - whichever woman you chose, someone is going to get hurt and you get to bear the brunt of the responsiblity for that. That fact is going to make either choice somewhat unpleasant.

You mentioned that getting cold feet is a "typically male" thing to do - I don't agreee. If you know what you want, the decision is an easy one. It's feeling like you are limiting yourself by committing to one woman for the rest of your life that makes it hard. That kind of feeling is usually when someone feels like they haven't had enough fun in their life at that point - how much is enough? If it wasn't enough, why did you propose marriage? It's interesting how some people go through life trying to make sure that they never miss out on anything. You want to get married, but you start a new relationship before the first one has gone cold. You get to play the single guy with no commitments, but wonder what pleasures that marriage may have had in store. I don't know what path you should choose, but in the end - unless you've got a twin, you can only go in one direction at a time. It's not like sitting in front of the telly and flipping back and forth between 2 channels during commercials - you may think you get both for the price of one, but you really only get half of either. In this case, you only get 2 halves that never add up to a whole.

Think hard about the direction you want to take with your life, make the decision which way to go and see it through. That's how you're supposed to make an "adult" decision.

Best of luck,
Bryan
________
Chrysler Town And Country (Pre-1990)

[kitty]

Hi, I am relatively new here, so I do not know if its my place to question and advise you.
My experience is once you love someone you always will. But with time that love tends to alter some what. Renewing old relationships is not necessarily the best thing you can do. Why did you two split? What would make things different a second time round.
I was once engaged, we split, got back, everything okay-dokey for a while, things then started sliding back to where they were b4 we broke up, split again. Time apart, missing them etc, back together and the cycle starts again. It took me years to realise things dont change, it either works or does not. With me, I think it was better the devil you know. Going back to the familar. It was like putting on an old pair of shoes, comfortable, but not necessary the best. I ended it in the end and totally broke away. it was hard, but looking back now, it was the best thing I did.
As for the other girl? You can not expect a new relationship to work if you have not totally said goodbye to the old one. I believe that you have to kiss alot of toads before you find your prince (in your case Princess). Very few people meet their soul mate straight away and it can take time for love to bloom. How long has it been since you split with c? If you have only just come out of a serious relationship, the last thing you need is another one.
I hope this helps, but its difficult to comment without knowing more.

[doc834]

After all that has been said by Gemini and Sorrell, the dicision is ultamately yours. No one can make it for you. Go with your true feelings. That will be your driving force, in this matter. Good luck.

[Rowan]

it might help to have some back ground on Proximo's lady problems for those of you wishing to offer him some advice ...




http://www.colonialfleets.com/forums...ead.php?t=5918

[Gemini1999]

Originally Posted by Rowan

it might help to have some back ground on Proximo's lady problems for those of you wishing to offer him some advice ...

http://www.colonialfleets.com/forums...ead.php?t=5918

Rowan -

Thanks for the info.....Info that would have been more helpful AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS THREAD!
________
Ebonygirl20

[bsg1fan1975]

Proximo you must make your own decision. Another person cannot do that but it won't stop them from giving advice that may help you figure out what your looking for. My advice is listen to your heart.

[Rowan]

Originally Posted by Gemini1999

Rowan -

Thanks for the info.....Info that would have been more helpful AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS THREAD!

Bryan this isn't meant for me right? just checking...

[Gemini1999]

Originally Posted by Rowan

Bryan this isn't meant for me right? just checking...

Rowan -

No, not directly... I wasn't aware of a previous thread. It might have been helpful if the author had continued this discussion in the other thread. Knowing the background was helpful in retrospect, but the other thread gave me even more questions than answers. I'll wait until Proximo has time to respond to the posts already given before I ask any more. Being that he is in the UK - the 9-hour time diff will take a while.

Bryan
________
Vaporizer Vs Combustion

[Proximo]

That's how you're supposed to make an "adult" decision.

That's what I needed. Kick in the pants...

I should stop dragging my private life out in public. I realise it must be depressing and/or annoying to you folks.

[Rowan]

Originally Posted by Proximo

That's what I needed. Kick in the pants...

I should stop dragging my private life out in public. I realise it must be depressing and/or annoying to you folks.

Not to me it's not, but I've never been married or met someone whom I wanted to marry so I hesitate to give advice here, but you are not annoying or depressing me, I'm interested to hear what others have to say to you on this subject and I'm interested to see how men look at this subject, I'm still learning...

[bsg1fan1975]

no its not annoying me. I am just being a voice of experience here. Just dispensing friendly advice.

My 2 cents:

You broke off your impending marriage to C if I remember correctly. At this point any relationship you have with her is going to run her through the emotional wringer again. You made your decision then. Now it's time to leave her alone.

(A drunk man will return to an old love when he has nothing else better for the evening. Sometimes the old love will take him back. Once you're thinking clear you know it was a mistake.)

You haven't committed to marrying S. See how things go. You may have been attracted to her but that doesn't mean you would be happy with her for the rest of your life. See where you are in a couple months. If you have doubts then move on and don't lead this one on also.

There's a kick in the pants. Good luck.

[thomas7g]

Originally Posted by Proximo

That's what I needed. Kick in the pants...

I should stop dragging my private life out in public. I realise it must be depressing and/or annoying to you folks.

I just hope things go well with you.

I have no real advice to give. I don't have a good opinion to share that would help.

But I've known you a long time on the net. You were always a level headed and sane person. Even when some around you were basically going nuts, you kept your head, and showed a good deal of dignified maturity. And that's saying something.

Just believe in yourself. You try your best. Sometimes you may make mistakes, but well.. your intentions are good. Believe in that. And take the best direction you can. And if two opportunities are equally confusing, and you can't try both paths, then just pick one and do the best you can with it. its the best choice you can make.

[unowhoandwhy]

I wasn't going to give my opinion as I am 31 and still haven't met Mr. Right, but after reading both threads I think that you should step back and remember the reasons you decided you couldn't marry the first woman. Baby issues and religious differences are major stumbling blocks and they are some of those things that people stay constant on throughout their lives.

You may be feeling nostalgia for your old love, but if you still have irreconcilable religious differences and you still want kids and she doesn't then the odds are against a lifelong happy union.

[braxiss]

i can only say that you need to follow your heart, and if you beleive in a higher being you should spend some time talking to that being.

[shiningstar]

Originally Posted by Proximo

Me again, back after a long absense, wondering if people remember me or not. Probably some do, some don't...

That relationship thing is back to haunt me again.

Does anyone mind if I talk about it?

The two ladies... I'll call them C and S. C was the first, the one I was going to marry, but we broke up. S was another whom I felt I might be attracted to. I still am, but I had a strange thought the other day. C has been away for a while, back home with her parents during spring break. While she was away, I started to feel a little better and things just generally got on. But then I started to miss things - like you do - and... well. The thing is, I suddenly wonder if I was doing the typical male thing and getting cold feet. I ran to S, because she's a long way away most of the time, which means no responsilbility on my part... the thing is, now I'm starting to realise that I just won't stop loving C. I've managed to get myself in to that soap-operaish position of loving two women and having to chose (again!) only, this time, whatever choice I make I know I'll hurt one of them.

On the one hand, when I was with C, my life seemed to be stuck. I hadn't committed something. Practically the moment we broke up things started going my way again. With S, I seem happy, and I know she's happy, but I feel like I'm missing something. I can't really explain it though...

But what does it sound like to you folks? Don't just post and say "oh you poor thing..." though. I need a kick in the pants is what I need.

Proximo ...................you need to make a choice here. And NO I won't do you
poor thing. It sounds like you want your cake and you want to eat it too.

Unfortunately life doesn't work that way. If you are involved with two
different women you are headed from the fire to the fire pan. You need
to turn down the heat and to make a choice one way or the other.

Sorry to be so blunt .......it's just that when these two women find
about each other .............heads are going to roll ........beginning with
YOURS.

I've seen this type of situation before. WHenever the person who
is involved with two Significant OTHERS doesn't make a choice .......all
hell breaks loose and innocent people often get hurt.

This post isn't meant to offend anyone .............it's just the voice
of someone who's seen her friends in this situation before.

[Proximo]

No, no, I seem to have given you the wrong idea. I'm not seeing both at the same time. Actually right now I'm not seeing either of them. I'm trying to decide if it's worth fighting my corner with one or just giving up and moving on to the other.

[shiningstar]

Originally Posted by Proximo

No, no, I seem to have given you the wrong idea. I'm not seeing both at the same time. Actually right now I'm not seeing either of them. I'm trying to decide if it's worth fighting my corner with one or just giving up and moving on to the other.

I'm sorry Proximo I definately MISUNDERSTOOD.

[BST]

Proximo,

Let "C" go. It's over. It's almost like looking at the cover of a book and liking what you see but, forgetting that the words inside turn you off. From the other thread, I gathered that each of you were honest when last together and the decision was made to part.

Well, consider yourself very lucky. You could have conceded on YOUR wants and desires but, eventually, that concession would come back to haunt you. Now, I don't know you, personally, and hope I'm not being too blunt but, at some point down the road, you would have held that concession against her and it would have been, quite probably, enough to cause a bitter separation/divorce.

Instead, you and "C" apparently had an honest discussion and decided that some concessions just could not be made. Very well done. Parting is never easy but, parting as friends does soften the blow.

Now, it's time to move on. Also, unless "S" is willing to move to Britain or you are willing to move to the States, forget her too. You need to be involved with someone that you see EVERY DAY, one who's within walking or driving distance.

Best wishes to you for happiness and remember, be truthful with yourself AND with the lady that you love.

BST

[Darrell Lawrence]

http://www.3dgladiators.com/forums/s...ad.php?t=21306

That an update?

[Proximo]

Yes, thank you for airing my dirty laundry again. :P

Oh well, since this is up at the top again, it's "C" who gets the ring. Not often you get to look back and realise how much of an idiot you were...

[bsg1fan1975]

congrats my friend! I wish you both a long and happy life together!