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Old December 23rd, 2003, 04:18 AM   #61
bsg1fan1975
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lol

Another joke about marriage:

A husband and wife had a very bitter arguement. Neither were speaking to each other for a while. One night the husband suddenly remembers that he has planned to go fishing with his buddies the next morning and he needs to have an early wake up call. He writes a note to his wife to wake him up for 5 a.m. The next morning he wakes up and its 9 a.m. Furious that he missed the trip he yells at his wife: "why didn't you wake me up at 5." His wife calmly points to the note she left on his pillow. "Its 5 a.m., Wake Up!"
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Old December 23rd, 2003, 09:47 AM   #62
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God may have created man before woman but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. God this is sooo true, and thank-you GOD!
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Old December 23rd, 2003, 01:33 PM   #63
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Yup! Without women men would be totally lost. I remind my sweetie of this every night. He actually agrees with it. Because without me he would be lost!
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Old December 23rd, 2003, 10:04 PM   #64
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Quote:
Originally posted by bsg1fan1975
lol

Another joke about marriage:

A husband and wife had a very bitter arguement. Neither were speaking to each other for a while. One night the husband suddenly remembers that he has planned to go fishing with his buddies the next morning and he needs to have an early wake up call. He writes a note to his wife to wake him up for 5 a.m. The next morning he wakes up and its 9 a.m. Furious that he missed the trip he yells at his wife: "why didn't you wake me up at 5." His wife calmly points to the note she left on his pillow. "Its 5 a.m., Wake Up!"

Funny!
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Old December 25th, 2003, 04:35 PM   #65
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Okay, I just gotta lighten my sad Christmas mood with a eh-em, colorful joke, since the movie comes out today I believe...(I apologize if its PG-13)...

Why didn't the Cat in the Hat consummate his marriage on his wedding night?

???

He couldn't decide between Thing 1 and Thing 2...

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Old December 28th, 2003, 11:21 AM   #66
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LIBERALS, CONSERVATIVES, AND SOUTHERNERS



How do you tell the difference between Liberals, Conservatives and Southerners? Pose the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities,
raises the knife, and charges.

You are carrying a GlGlock40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?



Liberal Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the GlGlock have an appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a pain! t ! and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.






Conservative Answer:


BANG!





Southerner's Answer :

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click . . . . (sounds of reloading).

Wife: "Sweetheart, he looks like he's still moving, what do you kids think?"

Son: "Mom's right Dad, I saw it, too."

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?

==================================




Okay, you Southerners, hold on a minute. This was sent to me by a good ol' Southern Boy....

ojai22





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Old January 7th, 2005, 12:17 AM   #67
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Before you beat me up for this, I should point out, I didn't make this up, it's just something I read on a bathroom wall. And if someone has already posted it, I apologize for the repeat.

What is the difference between a women yelling at the front door, and a dog barking at the back door?
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When you let the dog in, it'll shut up!
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Old January 7th, 2005, 12:23 AM   #68
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THWACK!!
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Old January 7th, 2005, 12:25 AM   #69
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Battlestar Galactica 2004

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Old January 7th, 2005, 05:58 AM   #70
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This is revenge for all the blonde jokes I have been subjected to in my lifetime:

What is the difference between a brunette and a trash can?

At least the trash can gets taken out once a week!
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This Momentous Day, H. R. White


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Old January 7th, 2005, 02:14 PM   #71
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Hey I'm a brunette!

Thwacks Uno!
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Old September 23rd, 2011, 11:36 PM   #72
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Default Re: Jokes

Why was Adam created first?
So he could finish a sentence.
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Old September 24th, 2011, 12:05 AM   #73
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Default Re: Jokes

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all sitting down in a hospital, talking about their pregnancies, and what they're expecting.

The brunette says: "We're gonna have a boy, because my man was on top!"
All the girls giggle and high-five.

The red head says: "We'll we're gonna have a girl because I was on top!"
The girls look impressed and emboldened...high fiving... yeah Girl Power!

The blonde breaks down and cries. When asked by her friends what was wrong, she replies: "We're gonna have puppies!"

(runs....hides)
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Old September 24th, 2011, 12:09 AM   #74
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Default Re: Jokes

Why do 4 out of 5 blondes prefer tilt steering wheels?
More head room.
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Old October 21st, 2011, 03:16 AM   #75
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Default Re: Jokes

What do you call the fuel regulator on a Viper engine?
A felcer-carb!
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Old October 21st, 2011, 04:12 AM   #76
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Default Re: Jokes

lol

you guys sure know how to liven up a gal's day!
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Cheese: Garbage can.
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