Welcome back to the 'Galactica Cafe'.......

[Muffit]

Hi IrishKay!

That's one thing I've experienced a lot. My best advice is to sit down and talk this over with him. One thing many couples do (myself included) is, as they get closer, to want to know where and what the other is doing as often as possible. I think this is just part of getting close to someone, we start to feel too possessive. In the beginning this may feel like, aw, he cares! But later it can get pretty annoying for one party or the other (I've seen both guys and gals complain about this).

I'm no counselor, but I feel the best thing we can do is always to talk things out. The other person needs to trust you. And unless you're on a long trip with possible dangers, they need to give you some breathing space.

Sometimes just imagining that a person may be driven away by over-possessiveness is often enough to help them understand our need to feel we have some individual freedom. I find I need to remind myself every day, and sometimes still forget. The level of trust grows with time, talking sometimes is all that is needed to speed that up.

Hope this is helpful!

thank you muffit for your help... and i agree with you on the talking it over with each other. i try to be kind and tolerant and to talk with him to let him know that i do know how he feels when he cannot get ahold of me because i feel the same way about him sometimes when i cannot get ahold of him..and i also tell him that because i like him so much that i do not want to overwhelm him or make him feel confined.. at the same time i have to make myself relax and just try him back sometime later.. much later.. and i have told him this. i have even told him that i do not want to be over possesive with him just as i hope he does not want to be that way with me however he says he understands but that sometimes he cannot help himself kind of thing. well i have told him that he needs to help himself not to be over possesive . sometimes i feel like he wants me to mother him.. and i have told him that i am not his mother.. i am his girlfriend. anyway.. he has not responded back to me on yahoo msg yet.. lol.. so .. i am thinking that he must be waiting for me to beg him to talk to me and that is just not going to happen anytime soon.. lol .. so now i am left waiting to see if he will contact me.. lol..

i am staying online on purpose so that my one phone line will be busy .. lol that way if he does want to talk to me he can talk to me on yahoo.. lol.. that way i am not left waiting here by the phone waiting for it to ring!!! LOL

[Muffit]

Hard to get - always works!

Don't feel bad if it takes a bit to find a happy medium. I've been married 14 years and sometimes we still each want to know too often where the other is. We do trust each other, a lot, we just worry if it's been awhile.

It takes time, and both sides need to try and understand the other and both give in a mite. But if he truly cares for you he will respect that you are an individual too. Help him to see that. Most of your teen/adult life you have been free to make your own choices and go places without someone checking in, and he needs to recognize that, perhaps by thinking of his own life. I have come to believe a mature relationship shares both concern /and/ trust. If he cares, he will come to understand. His feelings will help him.

Best of luck,
Muffit

thank you muffit.. yes i do hope so .. while i was checking my other email he had sent me a e-card.. it said it was a early valentines day card... well i opened it and it was several babies with wings floating on clouds and they were singing happy valentines day .. lol.. well underneath that was a place for his personal msg.. which read" hello dear one. I sincerely hope that you are in the best of health and your emotions are a contributing factor to great health and well being.. " well there was more however .. just how am i supposed to take that first sentence? at the end of the e card he goes on to say.. God loves you and so do i .. now,, does he love me with a agape love or a intimate love ? what or how do i respond to that.. because i do not feel exceptionaly good about this e-card.. i feel a little minimized here. am i taking this card the wrong way?

[Muffit]

Hi IrishKay,

Hmm, got me on this one. I guess the best thing is just to ask.

On agape/epithumeo/eros/koinonia/phileo, I wish the English language had as many words for love as the Greek. It would sure help all of us understand our feelings better!

thank you muffit.. well the only thing about asking him is that i would have to prepare myself on a 30min talk well him talking and me listening as to what he meant by that.. lol and even after that he would ask me "now do u understand" lol so i am not certain i would be up emotionally for that enlightening discovery.. LOL .. OMG.. now where did that attitude come up from? LOL .. sorry .. i just need to go take a bubble bath i guess.. LOL..

[emerita]

I hope everything works out for you, irishkay...My ex would never want to talk to me....He was always right and I was the one that had the problem.... so that is why I am single....lonely at times but at least I am always right and I win all the arguements...LOL

lol emerita.. yes i know what you mean.. and thank you.. i guess it is just something he has never dealt with before. i do not know for sure . you see he is several years older than i am so i guess he feels his years have an advantage or something.. lol.. but what kind of advantage would that be since he feels that he does not need to change much.. lol anyway.. i talked to him last night over the phone and when i explained to him how that ecard made me feel he says "see i told you that i did not know what words to tell you with out you getting upset.. " and then he says " oh okay i see your point and i am sorry i made you feel that way" .. oh okay then.. lol.. so anyway.. i did get a offline msgs from him on yahoo about 5 hours ago central time.. lol he said he tried to call me and that line was busy so he thought i would be online.. lol which i had not been online until later this afternoon.. anyway i have not heard back from him since.. lol so i guess later he might grace me with his phone call .. lol anyway emerita thank you for your response

[shiningstar]

Emerita you have REAL class. I had a boyfriend like that
once. THat's why he became my Xboyfriend. I've been
married to someone else for eleven years as of 2/21/04;
he still thinks 'he and I' have a chance ......... can we
all say "DELUSIONAL"?

[emerita]

You are welcome irishkay ......that is why we all are here..... to be support for each other. An understanding ear can bring comfort.... I know I have gotten alot of comfort here... I have learned alot here also........

LOL... Shiningstar!!! I have found that most men live in a state of delusion and depend on us to keep them straight...of course they will never admit to that!!!...LOL...

does anyone have any good recipes to share? well i have on here called peanut-chocolate pudding dessert.. sounds good huh? lol yes i think soo... does anyone have another recipe to swap with me? please let me know

[Muffit]

Can you post that IrishKay? It sounds good

sure muffit.. no problem .. okay ingredients and recipe for peanut-chocolate pudding dessert.. 1/2 cup butter or margrine, softened,
1 cup all-purpose flour
2/3 cup finely chopped dry roasted peanuts
1(8ounce) package cream cheese, softened
1/3 cup peanut butter
1 cup sifted powdered sugar
1 (12-ounce)container frozen whipped topping, thawed and divided
1(31/2-ounce) package vanilla instant pudding mix
1 (4 ounce)package chocolate instant pudding mix
2 -3/4 cups milk
1 (1.2 ounce)milk chocolate candy bar shaved
1/3 cup chopped dry roasted peanuts

Cut butter into flour using a pastry blender until mixture resembles coarse meal; stir 2/3 cup peanuts into flour mixture. Press peanut mixture into a 13x-9x 2-inch pan. Bake at 350 for 20 minutes; cool completely.

Combine cream cheese, peanut butter, and powdered sugar in a mixing bowl; beat at medium speed of an electric mixer until fluffy. Stir 1 cup whipped topping into cream cheese mixture. Spread over crust; chill.

Combine pudding mixes and milk; beat 2 minutes at medium speed of an electric mixer. Spread pudding over cream cheese layer. Spread remaining whipped topping over pudding layer. Sprinkle with chocolate and 1/3 cup peanuts. chill.

the dessert is worth the time for preperation and bake time and chill time .. this dessert is Great..!.. I hope you will enjoy

[Muffit]

Thanks IrishKay! I'm gonna try it! Ooh, question, is there something I can substitute the cream cheese for? Only one of my fam likes it (and sadly it's not me). That would be great! Thanks a bunch!

well muffit i am not very sure .. but you might try subbing cream cheese with sour cream.. i have made cakes with sour cream before and it turned out great.. so u might try that.. would anyone else here know of what to sub cream cheese with for this recipe? please let muffit and i know .. thank you

[Dawg]

Originally posted by Muffit
Thanks IrishKay! I'm gonna try it! Ooh, question, is there something I can substitute the cream cheese for? Only one of my fam likes it (and sadly it's not me). That would be great! Thanks a bunch!

Muffit, what is it about cream cheese you don't like?

I thought it was unAmerican to not like cream cheese....

It sounds to us (Mrs. Dawg is hanging over my shoulder, intrigued by the recipe, irishkay) like the cream cheese is there to provide richness (and maybe some "support" like in cheesecake, holding it together). Mrs. Dawg says you can substitute sour cream for cream cheese in some applications, but it would have to be a very good, whole (full fat) sour cream to work well. It may not work as a substitute in this recipe.

Why not ask the experts? At FoodTV.com there is a way to ask questions (we actually exchanged a couple of e-mails with Alton Brown once).

Excuse me while I print off the recipe.....

I am
Dawg

[Muffit]

Thanks Dawg! Hmm, maybe I'll give the cream cheese a shot after all, if it's mainly for richness. I never acquired a taste for cheesecake for some reason (I know, I should have). I like to buy Jalapeno poppers, but don't like the cream cheese filled ones, just the cheddar. Well perhaps by looking at the recipe I won't really taste that so much as the other goodies, so what the heck?

Thanks!

hey thanks for the tip for the foodtv.com .. and i hope that mrs. dawg and you enjoy the dessert..

Good Morning all... well slow morning here.. how is everyone else doing?.. i have to say that the relationship with my boyfriend is soon coming to an end.. and i am ready to let him go too.. it is sad really .. and am not looking forward in having that talk with him .
anysuggestions as to how to make the talk go more smoothly and not be extremely painful? any suggestions will help me .. thank you..

[emerita]

There is no way to make it less painful, unless you do it online...but you need closure and the only way to do it is face to face. Remind him that you want to keep the good memories and unfortunately staying together would not result in any new ones. It is not good to stay in a relationship where you are not happy..... life is way to short for that. You should never have to take a single moment out of your day to wonder if what you will do, will make your mate mad...I lived that way for 15 years, always wondering if he was going to be mad at me for something when he would get home.... the stress of it can kill you. So just start out the talk with "I am not happy in this relationship and I deserve to be happy, no matter what. " Just stay strong and don't let him guilt you into staying because you will hate him for it and feel trapped.....and no offense to any of our guys here, but men have a way to make their mates feel guilty and bad for something they have never done. If he feels the same way about ending it,then you can breathe easier, but don't say "I want to be around if you need me".... because they will always call you with their problems... make a clean break..... do not even mention "let's stay friends"
...OK... I'll get off the soapbox now........

emerita thank you for your response and i agree with you.. especially the part you said about men making women feeling guilty about something that we as a woman have not done to begin with and of course it always "our" fault.. well he will be coming here to oklahoma on tuesday afternoon .. so i am going to have gather up my courage to talk to him that night which i want to make it a calm as possible too. so emerita thank you for your encouragement..

[emerita]

You are the only one that counts right now. Love yourself first and think of yourself first. I realize that I do not know your complete situation, but the way you sound, you are not an equal in this relationship. What Muffit says is true. You have to be able to talk to your mate, and be able to say what is in your heart. If he doesn't do that then it is better to get away. Never have to walk on eggshells around him... I have found that being alone is better than what I had. I was a slave to my husband and a prisioner....I shall never be that again.... My moment of clairty was when he was beyond anger because I told him that our children came before him....he said that he was #1 and that is the way it would be........nope...don't think so. I thought my world would end and it didn't...far from it.....

thank you emerita.. and yes you are right.. it is impossible to talk to him from or what is in my heart because he becomes offended and just within the last 3 days he has made mention to me that maybe i ought to find someone closer to my own age and on thursday night when we spoke on the phone i told him that i wanted to share with him what i had seen on t.v that day about what happens to relationships when they turn to longdistance relationships and the age gap for relationships over 5 years apart.. and he became very defensive with me! he began to go on about how honest he had been with certain subjects and that he sent me pics of where he is living and projects he is working on.. on which i responded to him to please "chill out" i told him that i did not tell him that to upset him nor was it a reflection on him .. now i did ask him why he got so upset and was there something he did need to tell me? because i assured him that i had only told him what i had seen on t.v. that day just to have a topic to discuss with him .. i assured him that i did not think that it was a reflection on him.. of course during that conversation it really hit home that he was indeed hiding something and i kept quiet after that and just got him to calm down. because last night he mentions again that maybe i should be with someone my own age but then he said that "i guess destiny has something else planned".. anyway, this morning i woke up and i decided right then in bed.. that i was going to put this roller coaster ride to an end... so thank you for your encouragement . and i will be happy to let you know the outcome of this situation when it happens..

[Muffit]

Hi all, here's a really easy recipe in case you've never tried it!

This really nice couple used to invite me over a lot when I was young, and I got to like many of the dishes they made. Here's one. For tacos, instead of using corn tortillas, use /flour/ tortillas. They're bigger and more filling too. To cook them, you can either use a deep fryer, or, to save oil as I do, fill a medium frying pan with oil (the pan should be about the size of a tortilla), and only insert half the tortilla into the hot oil till that side is nice and brown, then fold it over and fry the other side. Let the oil drip off when you take it out and place on a paper towel to cool. But sprinkle it with salt first before it dries.

Then cook a pound or two of hamburger, spiced lightly with salt, pepper, and onion powder (sometimes I add chili powder). The nicely folded, big flour tortillas make great holders for stuff, so you can put in them whatever you like, including the meat of course, perhaps some sliced tomatoes and lettuce and shredded cheddar and monterey jack cheese. I like to top them with La Victoria Red Taco Sauce (sometimes the green too). The secret to good tasting flour tortilla tacos is not to overdo them with too much flavor like you would with traditional greasy corn tortillas - let most of the taste be the flour tortilla. Just made these again tonight, and the family likes them much better than traditional ones.

BTW, flour tortillas also make wonderful tasting home-made chips. Just heat a large frying pan or deep fryer filled with oil and fry them briefly on each side, being sure to salt them well before placing in a basket filled with paper towels.

Cheers all,

[emerita]

ouuu, Irishkay, sounds like he has met someone and is trying to get you to do the breakup so he won't have to feel guilty.... If I were you, I'd let him go... but that is only one opinion....

[emerita]

Muffit, that sounds really good, I love tacos.....I use to make my own tortillas....I'm hard copying this one......

hey emerita .. thank you for your response.. and i agree with you .. however this morning he has tried to call me twice now.. lol and i did not answer the phone.. i am not willing to talk to him right now.. and he will be coming to Oklahoma on his leave from his job.. he is a electric egineer and he will start his next job the 1st week of feb . He will be coming to Oklahoma this week the 27th infact and i just do not want to see him because i need to gather up my determination not to be talked back into getting together with him.. i need the distance to be able to focus and keep my determination not to give in.. i know he will still be coming because he has already purchases the ticket and he even sent me the american airlines confrimation for this week . I just am not willing to discuss this with him anymore because it has been discussed before. and i am tired of having conflict with him

[Muffit]

IrishKay,

Hope all turns out well for you. Be strong and don't be afraid to be yourself. Will be thinking of you...

Hi Em! Thanks! You used to make your own tortillas? Wow, that's something I never tried. We have a lot of fields that need immigrant farm hands so we have a lot of hispanics. The best part of that is there are many hispanic food stores - with daily fresh tortillas, which really makes a difference. I also love bbq'ed carne asada wrapped in corn tortillas. As much as I love Mexican food I guess I should've been born one! The only thing I can't get used to is hot chili/jalpeno lollies - guess you gotta grow up with 'em.

Maybe I should bug you about how to make those home made tortillas...

Cheers,
Muffit

thank you muffit.. i appreciate that.. well there is just one more day and then he is supposed to come .. so .. and as for tonight well i have been out of the house for the better part of the evening and when i got on my puter. i found a few offline msgs from him asking if i am okay.... he said he had tried to call me a few times but could not get ahold of me.. lol well
i am going to try not to talk to him tonight if i can help it .. LOL