"Incoming salmon!" yells a frantic Rigel over the comm.
Yes, it was true, red and green salmon were pummeling the besieged battlestar.
"Load lasers with tartar sauce immediately!" commanded Adama.
Tigh sighed, "Sorry Commander, the beavers ate it all with rack of lamb last night"
"What?!^&*"
Tigh: "I know it must be hard to believe commander"
Adama: "Absolutely! Nobody eats lamb with tartar sauce!!!"
Our friends watch helplessly as a particularly stinky and slimy salmon heads straight for the viewscreen.
Adama: "Positive shield NOW!!!"
Rigel: "Um, sir, can't we have a negative shield just once? All this positive talk is depressing me..."
The salmon approaches unabated...