Hi Dawg! Well, I have to agree with Antelope, this would've been a great episode for season 2! It has mystery and heart, perfect for BSG. And you did a marvelous job of sustaining the supense until Ramses' true nature was revealed.
I really loved some of the passages...
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He bent slightly and their lips met, briefly, fully, in a momentary kiss that lasted forever but ended far too soon.
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Very, very cool!
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Ramses stepped up so mere inches separated them; eyes of black ice bored into eyes of gray, and the gray eyes flinched.
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Terrific imagery!
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He shut down his pulsars as the first of the Vipers began to land, the canopy releasing with a hiss.
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I could practically hear this happen myself!
I also love the title of the story...
Dawg, I think you're on to something really special here - not just how well you wrote the story, but the idea of episodic-length stories - what a great idea!!! You should do lots more of these and put them into a compilation!
I am SO impressed with the talent our fellow CF fans possess. Please, please write more of these Dawg! I think the concept of writing episode-length stories is a truly wonderful idea. I hope to see more of Ramses soon!!!
Affectionately,
Muffit