[The 14th Colony]

I am a non-board certified know it all. All that there is to know, I know. All that I do not know does not need to be knowed, and that which I do not know but are asked I make up. Come ye who seek answers about the workings of the fabricatable universe and I shall enlighten thee. Want to know why the sky is blue, what is the mathematical equasion of spinach, how does darkness affect the color of a seedling, whether it is dangerous to smoke your old socks or grampa's old underwear, what the airspeed velocity of a swallow is, or if the secrets of the universe can truly be determined by reading the ingrediants of chewing gum? Then I am your man. The doctor is in, 14th Colony is listening.


Ask me all that you wish to know, and I will answer, within reason. It is my choice to interject any humor (if at all) or sarcasm as I see fit. I can do this. I call it taking the 14th. No, not the 14th Amendment, but the style and manner of the 14th Colony.

There are rules, however, to ensure that no one might take advantage of my generous offering of wisdom here.

HERE BE DA ROOLS:
1) Do not ask me more than 2 questions at a time. My time is precious.

2) Do not ask me questions about yourself, such as your favorite color, team, your height, or any such things. I am the 14th. My time is precious.

3) There is nothing that I do not know. If you think that I answered incorrectly, it is your fault for improperly phrasing the question.

4) If you ask me something I cannot answer, I may pretend to ignore you. For further clarification, refer to Rule #3.

5) Do not ask me questions pertaining to professional sports or sports teams. I have non-disclosure agreements with the teams that I give consultations to, which cannot be breached.

6) Many of my answers may be in the form of wit or sarcasm or desperate attempts of such. Brace yourself.

7) If you ask me something I do not know, refer to Rule #3.

8) If you are not satisfied with this Answer Thread, remember Rule #3.