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Originally Posted by bsg1fan1975
It take a big man to admit to crying or to being near tears.  |
Bsg1fan -
You know something, it sneaks up on me at the weirdest times.... There have been times that a TV epsiode of a long gone show or a movie I really love makes me go a bit misty. Not because of plot or anything, sometimes it's a rememberance of the times when I first saw it, happy or sad.
When it comes to me and my mom - we're kinda cut from the same cloth emotionally (I wish that I understood that). We don't always agree and have had our good and bad moments, but when it comes to a birthday, holiday, or something similarly related, I wind up putting myself in her place if she didn't get a card, or at least a phone call. I hate feeling forgotten at those moments and even though I usually keep it to myself when it happens, it doesn't feel good.
My mom was there for me the better part of my life and though at this point, the relationship isn't strained, but we just aren't as close as we used to be (I don't understand that either). I have days where I don't feel like sending a card as I've had times where I didn't get a birthday card or something.
I guess what it comes down to (and I'm only saying this for myself) is that I don't want to be the one that makes her feel forgotten even though it's happened the other way around. I couldn't bear thinking of my mom shedding a tear because she didn't think I didn't care or just plain forgot.
It's kind of hard, we used to have this kind of relationship where we talked every couple of weeks and these days, I'm lucky to hear from her every few months. I always thought that if my mom passed away first, my stepdad wouldn't be able to function as the glue to hold the family together. As it turns out, my stepdad passed away first and that was 7 years ago - my mom's managed to drift away from everyone but my youngest brother. He's about as screwed up as you can get - it makes me and my other brother feel that you need to be dysfunctional to get recognized these days.
The one thing that really got me recently was that my mom found herself in a finanical spot (from helping my mess of a brother out). I didn't really have the money, but when I found out that my brother didn't pay her back and she had no cash for the next two weeks, I managed to scrape up the money she needed (which was not a small sum) and put it in her bank account. She told me that when she got things straightened out, she would pay me back. That was in January and she did recently get the money back, but no mention that she would pay me back. I did what I thought that I was doing to be a good son and help my mother out, but in the end, I never got thanked or repaid either. I mentally had to write off that 400 dollars, but in doing so, I also felt a bit colder inside as it was a family member that I got burned for helping in the process.
She's my mother and I still love her, so she'll get a card.....I just won't lend her any more money.
Best to all,
Bryan
