[Damocles]

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Spoiler Two mice?

Uh no.......

There are four mice!

Spoiler Star Trek Lightbulb Joke.

And now for something different.

Spoiler Totally Kangaroo Jokes Last winter a kangaroo caught such a fierce cold that come summer her family began using her pouch to hold popsicles. And her baby joeys became known as the neighborhood chilled ren. The dean of a major university took his staff on a field trip to the Australian outback. A zoologist by training, the dean lead his colleagues to one place after another, never stopping for rest until they spotted the wild animal they were looking for. Finally after searching in vain for over three hours with no success one staff asks his secretary, "Why don't we break into smaller groups to find these dogs??" "Impossible," replied the secretary firmly, "The dean happens to be the leading expert on dingos, so wherever the dean goes, we go!" Why is that joey jumping in circles during the rehearsal of The Kangaroo Clock? He's the second hand. A clock has only three hands - hour, minute and second. Then why was a fourth hand added to the production of The Kangaroo Clock? They needed a stagehand. How do you tell when there's a Kangaroo under your bed? You can't even start a dream without it jumping to a conclusion. Southerner: Knock-Knock. Shelley: Who's there? Southerner: Kaingarue Shelley: Kangaroo who? Southerner: Dey Kain'tgrue Humpty Dumpty back together again! Did you hear about the fancy Kangaroo that bought a zillion hat'n boots? Hat'n worn a single one. "You know, you were barely an inch long when you were born an tucked into your mamas pouch," the papa roo told his little joey. "My goodness!" exclaimed the joey, "I must've been undernourished!" "Oh no. You was the normal size." replied the papa, "You was just underaged." Did you hear about the fluke kangaroo that won the roo marathon? It turns out the reason she won was because she was incredibly crowd-shy. Apparently she was so shy that she couldn't even change her pace with other roo watching. A kangaroo saddle once owned by Seabiscuit jockey George Woolf recently sold for more than $150,000. The once jobless jockey considered the saddle good luck because it not only made his ride smooth but kept his checks from bouncing as well. What did Sherlock Holmes say to Watson after solving the case of the missing Kangaroo? "It was roo-dimentary, Watson." What kind of weed is considered best choice among the fashionable kangaroo? Tweed. Did you hear about the kangaroo that was hit by a foreign compact? Had to go to the vet to have it dislodged. Guy one: It's going to be a tough winter. I just saw a thousand kangaroo in line for Bermuda. Guy two: For Bermuda grass? Guy one: No, the country. Then there was the guy who bought a kangaroo leather bra for his sports car to protect it from getting dings. Sure enough, after a long trip in the country side, there were no dings on his car - only dingos. Why are kangaroo never buried at sea? There are roo wills against it. The Milton Berle Joke File defines cheap as someone with low pockets and short arms. Now the ACLRoo is considering filing a libel suit on behalf of the Marsupial family. A kangaroo hops on a barstool in a saloon and orders a drink. A short while later a man walks in and says, "I don't drink with 'roos," and shoots the glass clear out of the kangaroo's arms. A week later a bandaged 'roo hops in wearing a six-gun and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!" Why was the single female kangaroo's fridge filled with prunes and figs? Because she couldn't find any dates. Two families of six roos each were in two separate fields of equivalent size yet the first roo family finished grazing two hours earlier than the second roo family. Why? The first field was barley; second was tobacco. What ailment do kangaroo who sit for long periods suffer? Hemmoroo-oids. What's the most common ailment among elder kangaroo? Roo-matoid Arthritis. Dingo one: That kangaroo has the worst taste in friends. Dingo two: I know, I once bit one and I immediately threw up. What do you get win you cross California politics with boomerangs? Elected officials that recall themselves. What's Tee-Kay's favorite TV classic? I love Roo-cy. What kind of Kangaroo gives advice from a mountaintop. A Gu-roo. Knock-knock. Who's there? Pouch and Sheikh. Pouch and Sheikh who? Pouch your right paw in. You pouch your left paw out. You pouch your right paw in and you Sheikh it all about. What's the most common foul called at a kangaroo basketball game? A roos ball foul. At a kangaroo basketball game, what's the most popular snack item in the pouch? Slam-dunkin donuts. Why did the Kangaroo bring an extra pocket-pouch to the golf course? Just in case she got a hole-in-one.