[Damocles]

UPT Stories

student pilot: "tower, Tweet 71, student pilot, I am out of fuel."

Tower: "Roger Tweet 71, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!"

Student pilot: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."

A student pilot flying in back on an instrument hop, very lost, very flustered, inadvertently keys transmit instead of intercom to tell Instructor Pilot (IP) he is less-than-optimally situationally aware: (broadcasting to world) "Sir, I'm all fuked up."

ATC responds, demanding: "Aircraft using obscenity, identify yourself."

After a short pause, the IP gets on the radio: "He said he was ****ed up; he didn't say he was stupid."

Helicopter Pilot: "Range control, I'm holding at 3000' over beacon".

Second voice: "NO! You can't be doing that! I'm holding at 3000' over that beacon!"

(brief pause, then first voice again): "You idiot, you're my copilot."