Quote:
Originally Posted by martok2112
Thank you again, Kester, for the kind words, and I hope you'll find much more interesting stuff as you continue your read. I shall have to check out your works as well. I like to read as well as write.
|
Nothing much really happens in Galactica Saga until near the end of Act IV, Part 1. It's mostly just character/background development. If the lack of comments thus far are any indication I've either been boring people to tears or confounded them.
Speaking of confounding. . .
Quote:
SPACE ABOVE CAPRICA, 0942C, 11 SKOLIM 7001
Eight large transports, and twenty heavy shuttles tore away from the falling headquarters battlestation. Bits of the station were already burning up in the Caprican skies.
Colonial fighters, and the battlestar Hera which were detailed to take on the swarms of raiders, and the incumbent basestars were now assembled to protect the collection of transport ships. The Hera unleashed a furious storm of flak and particle beam fire, trying to provide as effective a cover for the lightly armed vessels.
|
If you have that many small craft departing a station one assumes it's pretty large. A station that massive would be pretty high up in orbit and wouldn't just "fall" would it?
How about something like this:
Quote:
|
Eight massive transports and twenty heavy shuttles tore away from the headquarters battlestation as it slowly spiralled out of control on a deadly in-falling trajectory toward the planet below. Flaming debris from the station could already be seen entering the atmosphere. Soon that deadly rain would fall across Caprican skies.
|
You could even raise the emotional level by including a further line like:
Quote:
|
While there was nothing any of the men or women in those fleeing craft could do about it they weren't entirely impotent. Colonial fighters, and the battlestar Hera which were detailed to take on the swarms of raiders, and the incumbent basestars were now assembled to protect the collection of transport ships. The Hera unleashed a furious storm of flak and particle beam fire, trying to provide as effective a cover for the lightly armed vessels.
|
Just a comment.
Still reading.
Enjoying it.
