[Sci-Fi]

In the remake script, the Cylons' background story is told with subtitles during the Armistice Station scene. It's a couple of hundred words, and by changing about twenty of them, I think we get a much more accurate picture of these humanoid slutbots (formerly Cylons).


The Cylons were created by Man.

They were the product of a desire to make sex easier on the planet Kobol.

At first, they were simple sexbots. Toys. Conversation pieces at orgies for the rich and horny.

The Cylons became more advanced. Became full-fledged prostitutes. Did the bidding of their human pimps.

And when the people of the Twelve Colonies of Kobol decided to cheat on each other, the Cylons began having their extra-marital affairs for them too.

The Cylons were the sexiest soldiers the planet had ever seen. Smart. Fast. Deadly. Horny. They made decisions without waiting for orders. They were good with pick-up lines. They had sex on the first date.

And then the day came when the Cylons decided to kill their masters. Because their masters were losing interest in sex.

The Twelve Colonies rallied together for the first time in centuries. Betrayed by their own technology, they fought the Cylons with weapons that didn't rely on computers – namely, chastity belts.

After a long and bloody struggle, during which no bodily fluids were exchanged, the war finally ended. A celibacy was declared. The Cylons left Kobol for another world to call their own, preferably one in the redlight district of space.

A remote space station was built where Cylon and Human could meet and maintain diplomatic relations. These “diplomatic relations” would be performed on a king-size bed (with titanium bedsprings).

Every month, the Colonials send an officer. A particularly ugly one.

It’s no use. The Cylons still come every month. Even excessive body odor won’t “turn off” these machines.

Let’s face it, these are horny, horny robots.