Julix's corner
I have written some poems and wanted to get feedback from you all.....Let me know what you think
1) As I sit alone the house so quite and calm I wonder who am I? What do I need to do? so many years of pretending now it comes to this one moment of truth where I step in the spotlight and see what I am made of 2) Happiness an elusive dream floating through my fingers so often slipping away like a whim sometimes I try to chase it or squeeze it to get it to stay sometimes I hold on too tight or shy away sometimes I don't even try at all, but then there is no hope...and I am not ready to live a life without hope So I continue to dream 3) I was outside; it was snowing I was alone and it was so cold So long ago it seemed. The snow fell freely around me The flakes were so beautiful and unique So light and innocent, without a doubt. How gently they floated down to the earth. I reached out and tried to hold the memories But like the snow flakes the memories melted away. So what do you think?I had one of these published in the school newspaper when I was fifteen. |
Very, very good. I like it, though it feels like the poem is about me at this time, it's how I feel pretty much. So I can relate to what you expressed in the poem. Nicely done.
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The first one makes me want to say: Do it!!! Step out and take the risk. You CAN do it!
The next two are sad, and make me feel like I need to hug the writer... Well done!!! :salute: JJR |
They are good, Julix :)
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Beautifully written, Julix. Beautiful indeed :) (((((((((((((Julix))))))))))) I especially enjoyed the last verse. Wonderful.
I think Muffit would be proud. ;) Affectionately, Martok2112 |
When it comes to poetry...I'm definitely colorblind. I want to say something nice. But I'm very obtuse when it comes to poetry.
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Very nicely done, julix. :thumbsup:
I agree with JJR about the 1st poem. DO IT! Go for your dream. You get precious few opportunities to do that. If you wait too long, it's gone, like the memories you spoke about in the 3rd poem. |
very nice julix :salute:
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Well done sis....... You should continue to write :rose:
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Verrrry nice Julix! I agree with our wonderful resident Klingon Martok, I AM proud of you! The last one gave me a little chill of warmth. Thanks for sharing!!
Affectionately, Muffit :muffit: |
Thank you so much everyone :rose: :rose: :rose: :kiss: :kiss: :love: your words are so wonderful and kind and mean so much to me!
Thank you all! |
Here are a couple more:
1) The depth of the darkness is terrifying like a hole that swallows you up a strugle to get out but no rope or ladder ever comes The days melt together Doing the right thing Doing what everyone else needs So I won't feel the pain It cuts everywhere leaves no place immune The loss so profound The destruction complete my soul cries out But it is loss in the void Time stood still as I danced round and round with you the most perfect moment So wonderful and safe I was Daddy's little girl a princess's dream the music so perfect matching every step every emotion Glimpses of our faces full of love and joy round and round we went if I could freeze time It would stay forever in that dance 3) A soldier in a frame the picture so clear and yet the man unknown to me I memorized every line of color every feature the loss of knowing so deep there is the father who was gone too soon but the loss of knowing the man even greater so, I am mostly writing them out for me...but any comments appreciated. Thanks |
Oh, I forgot des anyone have any tips on getting pubished or any information?
Thanks I tried just doing a search of gettin published and it mostly came up with books written on how to get published....LOL |
here it is Shiningstar............
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Beautiful and evocative, Julix. A true expression of self there, indeed. I remember even in some posts how you said that you often have difficulty in expressing yourself. I think these poems, these musings prove the absolute reverse.
You truly have a gift there. Keep it up. (((((((((((((((((((((((Julix)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) :rose: :rose: :rose: Martok2112 |
There is a lot of :heart: expressed there, a lot of adult pains and little girl fears wrapped together. Touching stuff, my friend. :)
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Very nice indeed, check out some of the writers magazines, they often have listings for poetry contests and publishers.
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Thanks Rep, 14th, and Martok
Thanks for the response you guys! You are all so wonderful :heart: :heart: :heart: It does my heart good, you don't know how much it means to me! Thanks for the tip rep! |
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As my mind goes back through time like a train making stops, now and then the tunnel gets darker to a time so filled with pain My mind cries out but my voice is silent a jumbled mix of thoughts that don't make sense confusion that has no escape Pain that is so deep it is white with no sound no knowledge no escape 2) There was a life so perfect and complete so filled with love and happiness Almost like a dream in an instant it was gone black to white white to black the same things I saw the day before look foreign now no color no light Childhood innocence lost Joy of life forgotten to make way for the enourmous pain that took over never to leave only to try to be survived |
1)
A soul that wanders through time seeking to be filled but finding emptiness perhaps a mistake no where to fit in nothing that feels right only a glimpse of a parallel life which can not exist the torment is real the searching continues like a hungry beast that needs to find food for it's survival Ravonous and wild finding only desolation with no way to feel satisfied 2) I long for the day when the grief has become quiet when the giant will sleep forever but for now I see I must continue on try to do what I must the pain, the hurt so great there is no relief only struggle only a journey I am forced into and afraid to take 3) What cost must I pay? What price to be released? From a cell that has no bars A prison with no key many days of pushing away the thoughts and emotions only to have them return with a vengence overwhelming my mind into silence |
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thank you Shiningstar :rose:
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Just beautiful :rose: |
Thank you so much Sis...
I know you know, we have that in common. Thanks for your kind words :heart: |
Hi Julix! I can /so/ identify with your words. Again, you have touched a chord in me. Great work ;)
:muffit: Quote:
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Muffit
Thank you so much your words mean so much to me! You are the master...I am but the learner ;) I do think that my dear muffit...i am so happy right now....thank you :rose: :rose: :heart: :rose: |
1)
I try every door every window and still no exit no way to feel whole or complete only a little girl hiding and sitting alone the tears flow like a river that makes an ocean water all around drowning in tears of pain no comfort or warmth no one to save me struggling in a sea of grief as I go under yet again wanting to be safe but lost in a vast watery void with no life, no sign no rescue 2) Too many times I walk away afraid to dream a life without expression a way of traveling through time totally numb the spirit longs to be free to go anywhere but is held down by some unseen enemy a long-time fear never to subside a way to break through unknown to me |
Julix, check into some of these links:
http://www.aar-online.org/ http://www.sfwa.org/writing/agents.htm http://www.sfwa.org/writing/OP71.htm http://www.authorlink.com/605001in.html http://www.publishersweekly.com/inde...blishersweekly http://www.randomhouse.com/index.pperl http://salon.com/books/feature/2002/...ush/index.html http://www.sfwa.org/bulletin/articles/stalled.htm http://www.sfwa.org/contracts/contracts.htm http://www.speculations.com/rumormill/ http://www.sfwa.org/Beware/Safesearch.html http://www.copyright.gov/ http://www.sfwa.org/beware/copyright.html http://www.writersdigest.com/store/books.asp Some of these may have some good info and insight for you to put to use. :) |
Oh, that last one was about me all right. Your wording hits home my friend. Strong expressions of wording they are.
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Searching through time
for a clue that makes sense some puzzle piece that allows my spirit to comprehend the darkness around it swiriling and pulling in all directions ending up nowhere except back to the same spot flashes of light in patterns that are undone time and life a mystery that is unwilling to yield |
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