Re: Clean joke of the day.
 

At the height of the gulf wars, the expertise of Red Adair (that well known fire fighter) was called upon to go out to the gulf and put out the oil rig fires.

On his way his plane landed in Ireland for an overnight stop so Red took advantage to visit the local bar for a pint of the black stuff. On entering the bar two old Irish boys witnessed him walk in and one said to the other. 'Isn't that Red Adair'? The other replied, 'No'.

The old boy then said, 'I'm sure it is and I'm so sure that I will bet you a pint if I am wrong'. The doubting one said, 'Ok' and they both went over to Red and the one said, 'Are you Red Adair'? to which Red said he was.

The doubting Irishman said, 'Are you still dancing with Ginger Rogers'?

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 

This one is a good one.

An American tourist travelling in County Clare, Ireland came across a little antique shop in which he was lucky enough to pick up, for a mere 200 Irish punts ($350), the skull of Brian Boru*. Joke Brian Boru Skull

Included in the price was a certificate of the skull's authenticity, signed by Brian Boru himself.

Fifteen years later the tourist returned to Ireland and asked the man from Clare, who owned the antique shop, if he had any more bargains.

'I've got the very thing for you, 'said the shopkeeper, 'It's the genuine skull of Brian Boru.' Joke Brian Boru Skull

'You cheat, 'exploded the American, 'You sold me that fifteen years ago, 'and producing the skull added loudly, 'Look, they're not even the same size.'

'You have got it wrong, 'opined the seller, '' This is the skull of Brian Boru when he was a lad.'

* Brian Boru (940 to 1014) managed the rare feat of uniting Ireland. In a turning point in the war with the Vikings, Brian Boru defeated the Viking leader Ivar in single combat. Not only was Brian successful in battle, but he also had at least 4 wives and founded the O' Brien clan.

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 

Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went and took the Irish accountancy exam.

Examiner: If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits do you have?
Paddy: Five.

Examiner: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Five.

Examiner: Let's try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer and then I give you another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?
Paddy: Four.

Examiner: Good! Now, if I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Five.

Examiner: How on earth do you work out that two lots of two rabbits is five?
Paddy: I've already got one rabbit at home!

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 

An American lawyer inquired, 'Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?'
'Who told you that?' asked Paddy.

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 

An Irish lass, a customer: 'Could I be trying on that dress in the window?'
Shopkeeper: 'I'd prefer that you use the dressing room.'

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 

'O'Halloran,' asked the pharmacist, 'did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?'
'It did surely,' replied O'Halloran, 'but it keeps fallin' off.'

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 

Doolin bought himself a jigsaw puzzle with 20 pieces. It took him a month to fit the pieces together correctly. He thought this was terrific, but his mate O'Reilly said, 'What's the big deal?'

Doolin said,' Well it said on the box: 4 to 6 years.'

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 

I met a man the other day named Flanagan and I said, 'You're a happy man.'
He said, 'I am.'

I said, 'Why?'

'Well,' he said, 'the Income Tax people have been after me for 20 years, driving me mad, to get money out of me, driving me crazy with worry. But, this morning I got a letter from them and it said: FINAL NOTICE.'

'Thank God,' he said, 'I won't be hearing from them again.'

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 

In an Irish courtroom 12 men sat on the jury. After the trial, the Judge asked for their verdict.
'We find the man who stole the horse "Not Guilty",' said the foreman of the jury.

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 

Jokes
A Bit O Blarney's Facebook profile

He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does.

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 

The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 

Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!" He said. "Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!" "Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked. "No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 

A Kerryman went to London and found himself in the Underground late one night. Seeing a notice "DOGS MUST BE CARRIED ON THE ESCALATOR", he moaned to himself, "And where am I going to find a dog at this hour of the night?"

So he improvised. He found an Englishman.

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 

A Kerryman was suffering from pains in his knees, so he visited the doctor.

"You're suffering from a disease that we medical experts call "kneeitis", said the doctor. "Take it easy for a month or so and above all don't climb any stairs. That puts a terrible strain on the knees."

A month later the Kerryman returned and after a brief examination was found to have recovered completely.

"Can I climb the stairs now Doctor?"

"Certainly," replied the Doctor.

"Thank Heavens," said the Kerryman, "I was getting a bit browned off climbing up the drainpipe every time I wanted to go to the toilet."

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 

How do you recognize a Kerry pirate?

He's got a patch over each eye.

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 

Two Kerryman went on a holiday to France and stayed at a country farmhouse. They were disgusted to find that everybody in France, even the kids, spoke French.

One morning they were awoken by a cock crowing.

"Do you know," said one Kerryman to the other, "That's the first word of English we've heard spoken since we arrived!"

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 

A Kerryman rang Aer Lingus and asked how long it took to fly from Dublin to London.
"Just a minute sir," said the girl on the desk.
"Thank you," said the Kerryman and hung up.

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 

A man hired a Kerryman as an assistant to take phone calls. One day the phone rang and when the Kerryman answered he hung up immediately.

"Who was that?" asked his boss.

"Some fool saying it was a long distance from New York. I told him everybody knew that."

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 

How do you recognise a Kerryman on an oil rig?
He's the one throwing crusts of bread to the helicopters...

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 

A Kerryman attended a concert where a ventriloquist who fancied himself as a comedian told about twenty Kerryman jokes in a row.

"Look," shouted the Kerryman, standing up in the audience, "I'm fed up being insulted by all these jokes. We're not as stupid as you make out."

"Please sit down sir & be calm," said the ventriloquist, "after all it's only a joke, and don't tell me that Kerrymen haven't got a sense of humor."

"I'm not talking to you," said the Kerryman, "I'm talking to the little fellow on your knee..."