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-   -   Clean joke of the day. (http://www.colonialfleets.com/forums/showthread.php?t=15815)

Damocles April 17th, 2009 09:00 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
How many Borg dose it take to change a light bulb?
All of them (think about it!) or 'light and dark are irrelevant'

Damocles April 17th, 2009 09:00 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
How many Kilngon does it take to change a light bulb?
None, 'Light is for the weak'

Damocles April 17th, 2009 09:01 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
Or How many Kilngon does it take to change a light bulb?
2, 1 to change the bulb, the other to sing an song about the epic struggle against the darkness

Damocles April 17th, 2009 09:01 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
How many Romualns does it take to change a light bulb?
3 1 to change the light bulb, 1 hired assassin to kill the bulb changer and 1 to take credit for it.

Damocles April 17th, 2009 09:03 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
Advice for evil overlords

Damocles April 17th, 2009 09:03 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
If (when!) you catch the heroes, and are about to kill them, never ever say "since your about to die I may as well tell you my plan you universal domination".

Damocles April 17th, 2009 09:04 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
If you get a chance to kill the heroes, don't invent some fiendishly clever way to to kill them slowly and painfully. After a bullet in the back of the head they are still just as dead.

Damocles April 17th, 2009 09:04 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
Don't try a capture heroes unless you absolutely have to. Death by evil overlord fighting is natural causes as far as heroes are concerned.

Damocles April 17th, 2009 09:06 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
Training standards of all of our guards must equal at least in the basics of marksmanship.

Damocles April 17th, 2009 09:06 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
Guards will not wear any sort of mask or face concealing head gear and they will all carry photo id cards which will be checked each time they enter any of your secret bases.

Damocles April 17th, 2009 09:07 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
Otherwise competent henchmen, should not be killed for there first, second or third mistake (on there fourth you might just have a case against them!).

Damocles April 17th, 2009 09:07 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
By all means have a large an obvious fortress of doom (possibly built by villain supply), but don't do any thing important there.

Damocles April 17th, 2009 09:08 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
If you must hold heroes for questioning, use you big flashy fortress of doom and get a professional interrogator to carry out the 'interview'. You can enjoy almost just as much by watching on a video link.

Damocles April 17th, 2009 09:08 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
Keep your real bases of operation well hidden and separated from each other. Preferably under ground.

Damocles April 17th, 2009 09:09 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
Prime sites are places like schools and children's hospitals, where heroes will naturally be reluctant to bomb and there are a ready supply of human shields (what! This is an evil overlords list!)

Damocles April 17th, 2009 09:09 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
Investigate your family tree very closely and eliminate at an early age any siblings that show heroic tendencies, better still kill all your family and to ensure you never have any children, make sure your sterile. Actually since you'll be spending a lot of time around atomic powered super weapons, this probably wont be an issue.

Damocles April 17th, 2009 09:10 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
Never rely on just one super weapon, have a several. Once again hidden and near targets that heroes will have moral problems shooting at. However don't have have them on the same sites as the bases you use. Your fortress of doom is a good place for a super weapon, or better still a dummy super weapon.

Damocles April 17th, 2009 09:11 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
Destroy all plucky robots and droids, cute and cuddly creatures. Heroes need comic relief once in a while and don't work nearly so well with out it.

Damocles April 17th, 2009 09:11 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
If you need a self distruct button make sure it can be operated remotely and that there is no count down. It should also be well hidden. By all means have a large red, well labeled and well protected self distruct button that delivers a fatal electric shock to any one pressing it.

Damocles April 17th, 2009 09:12 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
If you must have a self distruct button that counts down, make sure it has a large display that is 3 seconds slow and is surrounded by lots of blue wires. Cutting any one of these wires should trigger the destruct immediately.


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