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-   -   Clean joke of the day. (http://www.colonialfleets.com/forums/showthread.php?t=15815)

Damocles July 18th, 2008 05:03 AM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just sauntering around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he got out.

When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?"

The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody remembers to start locking the gate at night!"

Damocles July 19th, 2008 07:56 AM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
Q: How do Penguins drink their cola?
A: On the rocks.


Q: What´s black and white and goes round and around?
A: A Penguin in a revolving door.


Q: Why don´t you see Penguins in Britain?
A: Because they´re afraid of Wales.


Q: Who is a Penguin´s favourite pop star?
A: Seal.


Q: What kind of fish do Penguins catch at night?
A: Starfish.


Q: Why don´t Penguins like rock music?
A: They only like sole.


Q: Why do Penguins carry fish in their beaks?
A: Because they haven´t got any pockets.


Q: What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
A: Freeze a jolly good fellow.


Q: What do mother Penguins say to their children
before they go out in the dark?
A: Beak....careful out there.


Q: Why do two Penguins in a nest always agree?
A: Because they don´t wanna fall out.


Q: What do Penguins have for lunch?
A: Icebergers.

Q: What do you call a penguin in the desert?
A: Lost.

Damocles July 22nd, 2008 08:30 AM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
For Buckeye fans!

http://tk1.storage.msn.com/x1p0vcOMR...cpntbhgmF8YnGH

Damocles July 22nd, 2008 08:38 AM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
Lloyd Carr was trying to figure out why his Michigan team couldn't win like Ohio State. He decided to go down to Columbus to study the team. After one practice, Carr chased down Jim Tressel and asked "How is it you win so much, Jim?" Jim called out for Craig Krenzel to come over and asked, "Craig, who is your uncle's sister's son?" Craig replied, "That's easy coach, it’s me!" Jim thanked Craig, sent him to the locker room, and turned to Carr. "It’s all about having a smart quarterback, Lloyd." Carr was enlightened, so he went back to Ann Arbor and before practice called for John Navarre. "John, who is your uncle's sister's son?" Carr asked. John looked perplexed. "Coach, can you give me til after practice to think about it?" Carr, disgusted, agreed. Minutes later, in a huddle, John turned to Chris Perry and said, "Chris, man, you have to help me, coach is gonna kill me if I don't get this right. Who is your uncle's sister's son?" Perry looked at him funny and said, "Man, that's easy. Its me." Navarre, confident in his answer, went up to Coach Carr after practice and said "Coach, I've got it! My uncle's sister's son is Chris Perry!" Carr, disgusted as ever, yelled back at him, "NO NO NO, DUMMY! IT'S CRAIG KRENZEL!"
____________________________

I give you that one as a freebie.

Damocles July 25th, 2008 07:26 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
http://www.german-jokes.com/gjd.html

German jokes.

Damocles August 5th, 2008 01:53 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
Lots of jokes to make up.

BABOONS TO BEAVERS

BABOON
123. Who was the famous French monkey general?
Ape-oleon Baboon-aparte

BARRACUDA
126. What fish drink too much?
Beer-a-cudas.

BASS
129. How do stupid fish do everything?
Bass ackward.

BASSET
131.Did you hear about the female basset hound that placed a
classified ad in the newspaper?
It read: “Wanted. Handsome male basset. Object: Bassinet.”

BAT
133.Wife bat: “Would you like to go out for a bite tonight?”
Husband: “No. I think I’ll just hang around.”

145. Three vampire bats swoop into a bar.
“What’ll you have?” asks the waitress.
“Blood,” says the biggest one.
“Blood,” says the middle-sized one.
“Plasma,” says the smallest one.
The waitress turns and calls out to the bartender, “Two bloods and a
blood light.”

BEAGLE
147. Beagles should be kept under lox and keys.

BEAR
153. Eating bear meat is a grizzly experience.

180.Did you hear about the singers in Yellowstone National Park?
They’re bear-itones.

BEAVER

187. What did the beaver say to the tree?
“It’s been nice gnawing you.”

198. What do you say to a sad beaver?
“Why the log face?”

Damocles August 5th, 2008 01:55 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
http://www.cybersalt.org/cl_images/1.../catbaboon.jpg

Damocles August 5th, 2008 01:58 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
Cutting Labor Costs
The railways are always looking for ways to cut labor costs. Years ago there used to be five crew members on a train. Then they went to four, then three, and now many freight train crews are made up of two people, the engineman and the brakeman.

They finally figured out a way to eliminate one more crewman, and many were surprised to find out that they were eliminating the engineman. They replaced him with a baboon who had been sent to school for just one day. Most engineers study for years before they can qualify for the job.

On the first trip the brakeman was a bit leery, but thought he'd give it a try. They outfitted the cab of the engine with two color monitors, one in front of the baboon, and one in front of the brakeman.

While in the yard, the brakeman heard the carman on the radio call for the brakes to be setup for the brake test. The screen in front of the baboon flashed the message "SETUP BRAKES" and the baboon did.

Next, the carman called for the release of the brakes. The monitor in front of the baboon flashed "RELEASE BRAKES" and the baboon did.

Finally, the carman called and gave the "OK on the brakes, you may proceed." The dispatcher then gave the train the clear signal. The monitor in front of the baboon flashed "CLEAR TO PROCEED" and the train departed.

For the next four hours the screen would flash various messages and the baboon would do exactly what the screen instructed.

As the train pulled into the destination yard, the baboon's screen flashed the instruction "APPLY BRAKES, YARD TRAIN" and the train came to a stop right in front of the yard office.

The brakeman became worried. Here was the baboon driving the train and getting all the instructions. He started to wonder why the railway had kept him in his position.

Then, the screen in front of the brakeman beeped, began to make a horrible sound and started flashing: "FEED THE BABOON! FEED THE BABOON!"

Damocles August 5th, 2008 02:00 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
In the Queue Area

Ladies and gentlemen. May I have your attention please? Due to circumstances beyond our control...the Jungle Cruise WILL be operating for the rest of the evening...Thank you.

Those of you adventurers entering the world-famous Jungle Cruise, please notice there are two lines, one on the right and the other on the left. If you'd like to keep your family together, please stay in the same line. However, if there is someone in your family you'd like to get rid of, just put them in the opposite line and you'll never see them again.

Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please. Would the party that lost the roll of 50 $20.00/$100.00 bills, wrapped in a red rubber band, please report to the turnstile...we have good news for you. We have found your rubber band.

To speed things up, we ask that you tell the loaders--the men who will be helping you into the boats--how many there are in your party. For instance, if there are four people in your party, say "Hi, Mr. Smiling Boat Loader, there are four people in my party..." and he will save you four seats. If there are eight people in your party, say "Hi, Mr. Smiling Boat Loader, there are eight people in my party..." and he will save you four seats.

Those of you who have just entered the Jungle Cruise are probably resigned to the fact that, being at the end of the line, you have a long wait. Well, we aim to please here at the world-famous Jungle Cruise. So, on the count of three, I want everyone to turn around. One...Two...Three. There--those at the back of the line are now at the front. Doesn't that make you feel better?

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the World Famous Jungle Cruise. Those of you who are waiting in line are probably resigned to the fact that there is a long wait. Well, we here at the Jungle Cruise aim to please. So, if you'd like to see the line move faster, please raise your hand. Once again, please raise your hand if you'd like to see the line move faster. (crowd raises hands) Okay, those of you who have your hands raised, please take one step to the right and let the people behind you through. Now you'll definitely see the line move faster.

There are 87 varieties of poisonous snakes on the North American continent. We at the Jungle Cruise are proud of the fact that we have 82 of these varieties in the wooden rafters directly over your heads. Fear not, though, they will NOT attack a moving target, so please try to keep the line moving. If the line won't move, simply run in place.

Today only, ladies and gentlemen, we will be allowing veterans to board the world-famous Jungle Cruise without waiting...veterans of the Civil War, that is, in full dress uniforms, accompanied by their parents and their horse. Everyone else will have to wait in line.

Some of our scouts here at the world-famous Jungle Cruise claim they've spotted tigers in the waiting area the last couple of days. But we know that's ridiculous. After all, tigers are striped, not spotted.

We have some pretty smart animals back in the jungle. Take monkeys, for example. You ask them to name one of their relatives, and they go ape. And snakes, they're pretty clever too. Ask them what the 19th letter of the alphabet is and they'll say S-S-S-S-S. Tigers are known for their intelligence, but you can't trust them. Yeah, you never know when they might be a lyin' (lion). But I think rhinoceroses are by far the smartest animal in the jungle. Just last week, I asked what four minus four is, and he said nothing.

It's a four hour wait from there. Have you been upstairs yet?

Adventurers and adventurettes, horseplay is not allowed while waiting to board the world-famous Jungle Cruise. If you want to play with your horse, you'll have to do it elsewhere. We do, however, allow you to monkey around in line just as long as you don't go bananas.

Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to the World Famous Jungle Cruise Please do not take pictures while you are in the queue. Once again please do not take pictures while you are in the queue; They are nailed to the walls for a reason.

Ladies and Gentleman, I'd like to remind you that cutting in line will not be tolerated here at the World Famous Jungle Cruise. That's right...there is to be no cutting in line. Anyone caught with scissors will be ejected from the queue.

Damocles August 5th, 2008 02:03 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
OK, one:

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: "Last call." So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my giraffe." The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the giraffe falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there." To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a giraffe."

Damocles August 5th, 2008 02:05 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
A police officier is stopped at a red light. While there, he notices quite a din coming from the trunk of a car in front of him. He approaches the driver of said car and instructs him to get out of the vehicle and open the trunk. The driver complies, and in the trunk are a dozen giraffes. The police officer says, "Take these giraffes to the zoo immediately!!" The driver says, "Right away officer!" and drives off.
The following day the cop is at the same red light, and who should be stopped in front of him but the same car with the same loud noise coming from the trunk.
The cop is really irritated now and again tells the driver to get out and open his trunk. There are the same dozen giraffes, only this time they're all wearing sunglasses.
The policeman says, "I told you to take these giraffes to the zoo!", to which the driver replies, "But officer, I did...today they want to go to the beach!"

Damocles August 5th, 2008 02:07 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?

A: "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses

A: Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?

A: "Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"

Q: What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?

A: An elephant is grey.

Q: What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance?

A: "Look! A herd of plums in the distance" (Jane is colour blind)

Q: How do you get four elephants into a Mini?

A: Two in the front, two in the back.

Q: What game do four elephants in a mini play?

A: Squash

Q: How do you get an elephant into the fridge?

1. Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.
Q: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?

1. Open door.
2. Remove elephant.
3. Insert giraffe.
4. Close door.
Q. The lion, the king of the jungle, decided to have a party. He invited all the animals in the jungle, and they all came except one. Which one?

A. The giraffe, because he was still in the fridge.

Q: How do you know there are two elephants in your fridge?

A: The door won't close.

Q: How do you know there are three elephants in your fridge?

A: There'll be one waiting outside in the Mini.

Q: How can you tell that an elephant has been in your fridge?

A: By the footprints in the butter.

Q: How do you get an elephant out of the water?

A: Wet.

Q: How do you get two elephants out of the water?

A: One by one.

Q: Why do elephants wear shoes with yellow soles?

A: So you don't see them when they float upside down in a bowl of custard.

Q: Have you ever seen an elephant floating upside down in a bowl of custard?

A: No, of course not.

Q: Why do elephants live in herds?

A: To get a wholesale reduction on the shoes with yellow soles.

Q: How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?

A: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him "lunch".

"An elephant is a mouse with an operating system"

Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?

A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.

Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?

A: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!

Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?

A: Have you ever tried to iron one?

Damocles August 5th, 2008 02:08 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?

A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?

A: It was glued to the first one.

Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?

A: It thought it was a game.

Q: And why did the tree fall down?

A: It thought it was an elephant.

Q: How many legs does an elephant have?

A: Four, two in the front, two in the back.

Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?

A: Chicken's day off.

Q: What was the elephant doing on the motorway?

A: About 5 mph (8kph in the rest of the world)

Q: How do you get an elephant into a VW?

A: Open the car door, put the elephant inside, close the door.

Q: How do you put an elephant into a fridge?

A: Open the VW door, take the elephant out, close the VW door, open the fridge, put the elephant inside, close the fridge.

Q: How do you get 4 elephants into a Volkswagen?

A: 2 in the front and 2 in the back

Q: How do you know if there are 3 elephants in your fridge?

A: Can't get the fridge door closed.

Q: How do you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge?

A: There's a VW parked outside it.

Damocles August 5th, 2008 02:10 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
Q: How do you get 8(!) elephants in a fridge?

A: Put four in a VW, four in another VW, put the two VW's in the fridge, A fridge large enough to hold two elephants can surely hold two VW's!

Q: How do you get Tarzan in the fridge?

A: Open door, get two VW's out, put Tarzan in, close door.

Q: How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge?

A: You can hear Tarzan scream OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOO

Q: How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?

A: You can't, silly. There is only one Tarzan!

Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle?

A: The fridge isn't large enough to hold them all.

Q: How many elephants can you actually put in a fridge?

A: Depends on the number of elephants.

Q: What did the fifth elephant in the VW discover?

A: The sun roof.

Q: The Lion (king of the animals) gathered all the animals for a meeting, all of them showed up except the elephants. Why?

A: They were stuck in the VW.

Q: How many giraffes can you fit in a VW?

A: None, the elephants are in there!

Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?

A: Optimistic!

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?

A: Free Parking.

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?

A: Sole use of the elevator.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?

A: It's bike is outside.

Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?

A: There is a dent in the cross-bar.

Q: How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?

A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.

Q: Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?

A: To sneak across a pool table without being seen.

Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Don't be stupid, elephants can't change light bulbs.

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?

A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?

A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?

A: So that they don't sink in the sand.

Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?

A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.

Q: How do you make a dead elephant float?

A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tons of bananas,.....

Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?

A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.

Damocles August 5th, 2008 02:11 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
Q: What if you don't want to wait fifty years?

A: Parachute him from an airplane.

Q: Why isn't it safe to climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?

A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.

Q: What is a furry alligator?

A: A bear that went into the woods at 3 o'clock.

Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?

A: From stamping out forest fires.

Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?

A: From stamping out flaming ducks.

Q: Why are elephants feet shaped that way?

A: To fit on lily pads.

Q: Why isn't it safe to go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon?

A: That's when the elephants are walking on the lily pads.

Q: Why are frogs so short?

A: They go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon.

Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?

A: 5 O'clock (trick question - not "Time to get a new fence..")

Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?

A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.

Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?

A: No? Well, it must work.

Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts?

A: They're all on the same team.

Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in bed?

A: He has a big 'E' on his pajamas jacket pocket.

Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?

A: Take away his credit card.

Q: Why do elephants have trunks?

A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.

Q: What did the elephant say when he saw a dead ant on the road?

A: Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!! (to be sung).

Q: What did he say when he saw a live ant on the road?

A: He stamped it to death and then said "Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!!".

Q: What do you give a seasick elephant?

A: Lots of room.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with an ant?

A: A dead ant.

Q: How many elephants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two, but you need a real big bulb.

Q: What has two tails, two trunks and five feet?

A: An elephant with spare parts

Q: What is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat of your car?

A: Getting TWO elephants into the back seat of your car!

Q: What's grey and puts out forest fires?

A: Smokey the Elephant.

Q: What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies?

A: You miss most of the picture!

Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?

A: Nothing, peanuts can't talk.

Q: How many elephants can you fit into a Mercedes?

A: 5. Two in the front, two in the back, and one in the glove compartment.

Q: How do you know when an Elephant has been in the baby carriage?

A: By the footprints on the baby's forehead!

Q: What is beautiful, gray and wears glass slippers?

A: Cinderelephant.

Damocles August 5th, 2008 02:12 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
Q: Why do elephants float down the river on their backs?

A: So they won't get their tennis shoes wet.

Q: How do you get an elephant out of a tree?

A: Stand it on a leaf and wait until Autumn.

Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

A: To hide in cherry trees.

Q: How did Tarzan die?

A: Picking cherries.

Q: What is the difference between an elephant and a pickle?

A: Their color of course!

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?

A: Big holes all over Australia.

Q: What kind of elephants live at the North Pole?

A: Cold ones.

Q: Why do elephants have trunks?

A: Because they'd look silly carrying suitcases.

Q: What is convenient and weighs 20,000 pounds?

A: An elephant six-pack.

Damocles August 5th, 2008 02:13 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
Q: What is the difference between an Indian and an African elephant?

A: About three thousand miles.

Q: What do elephants take when they get hysterical?

A: Trunkquilizers.

Q: What is the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper?

A: You can't make a paper airplane out of an elephant.

Q: How do elephants talk to each other?

A: By 'elephone.

Q: Why do elephants have cracks between their toes?

A: For carrying their library cards.

Q: What is grey, has large wings, a long nose, and gives money to elephants?

A: The Tusk Fairy.

Q: Where do elephants with skincare problems go?

A: Pachydermatologists.

Q: What's red & white on the outside, and grey on the inside?

A: Campbell's Cream of Elephant Soup.

Damocles August 5th, 2008 02:17 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
How do you make a Gorilla float?
Two scoops of ice cream, some club soda and a very tasty Gorilla!

How do you make a Gorilla laugh?
Tell it an elephant joke!

How do you make a Gorilla stew?
You keep it waiting for three hours!

How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae?
Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!

How do you stop a thundering herd of Apes?
Hold up your arm and say 'Go back, you didn't say 'May I?''

Damocles August 5th, 2008 02:19 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
How do you stop a thundering herd of Apes?
Hold up your arm and say 'Go back, you didn't say 'May I?''

A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers. He noticed a bull nearby.
Say, farmer. Is that bull safe?
Well, he's a lot safer than you are right now!

Damocles August 5th, 2008 10:56 PM

Re: Clean joke of the day.
 
Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish."

The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.

The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.

Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.

"I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager.

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.
The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.
The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.
The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table.

What's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.

Telegraph by Deddi Shy The wireless telegraph is not difficult to understand. The ordinary telegraph is like a very long cat. You pull the tail in New York, and it meows in Los Angeles. The wireless is the same, only without the cat.
Albert Einstein

Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.

Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions. NASA's response was just one sentence, "THAW THE CHICKEN!"

An astronaut in space was asked by a reporter, "How do you feel?"
"How would you feel," the astronout replied, "if you were stuck here, on top of 20,000 parts each one supplied by the lowest bidder?"

During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, NASA decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules.

After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of $1 million. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth.

The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.

If it wasn't for Thomas Alva Edison, we'd all be watching TV to the light of a candle.

Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called rain.
Michael McClary

An engineer, a mathmatician and an arts graduate were given the task of finding the height of a church steeple (the first to get the correct solution wins a $1000).

The engineer tried to remember things about differential pressures, but resorted to climbing the steeple and lowering a string on a plumb bob until it touched the ground and then climbed down and measured the length of the string.

The Mathematician layed out a reference line, measured the angle to the top of the steeple from both ends and worked out the height by trigonometry.

However, the arts graduate just asked the tour guide.


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