14th Colony's House of Enlightenment & Wise-Assners
I am a non-board certified know it all. All that there is to know, I know. All that I do not know does not need to be knowed, and that which I do not know but are asked I make up. Come ye who seek answers about the workings of the fabricatable universe and I shall enlighten thee. Want to know why the sky is blue, what is the mathematical equasion of spinach, how does darkness affect the color of a seedling, whether it is dangerous to smoke your old socks or grampa's old underwear, what the airspeed velocity of a swallow is, or if the secrets of the universe can truly be determined by reading the ingrediants of chewing gum? Then I am your man. The doctor is in, 14th Colony is listening.
Ask me all that you wish to know, and I will answer, within reason. It is my choice to interject any humor (if at all) or sarcasm as I see fit. I can do this. I call it taking the 14th. No, not the 14th Amendment, but the style and manner of the 14th Colony. There are rules, however, to ensure that no one might take advantage of my generous offering of wisdom here. HERE BE DA ROOLS: 1) Do not ask me more than 2 questions at a time. My time is precious. 2) Do not ask me questions about yourself, such as your favorite color, team, your height, or any such things. I am the 14th. My time is precious. 3) There is nothing that I do not know. If you think that I answered incorrectly, it is your fault for improperly phrasing the question. 4) If you ask me something I cannot answer, I may pretend to ignore you. For further clarification, refer to Rule #3. 5) Do not ask me questions pertaining to professional sports or sports teams. I have non-disclosure agreements with the teams that I give consultations to, which cannot be breached. 6) Many of my answers may be in the form of wit or sarcasm or desperate attempts of such. Brace yourself. 7) If you ask me something I do not know, refer to Rule #3. 8) If you are not satisfied with this Answer Thread, remember Rule #3. |
O Wise Sage,
I have many questions rattling around me cranium. Now, if I could only figure out how to get them to slow down, I might be able to ask one!! Please bestow your wisdom on this humble, insane lunatic!! BST P.S. I really needed this thread!! Definitely put a smile on me face!! :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :thumbsup: |
"BST", huh? Are you something like a BLT, bacon lettuce and tomato sandwhich? Okay then...slow down, take a deep breath, now take another, now take another even deeper breath, now take another long, deep breath, now exhale and let all those breaths out. Feeling any better, or feeling like you're about to pass out? Right then, go ahead and slow your thoughts down and ask me your question. The 14th is listening.
Observe my reassuring smile. Doesn't my smile give you confidence? :drool: |
O Wise Sage,
Why is it when you take socks out of the dryer, there always seems to be 1 less than you put in the dryer? (Like I said, lots of questions, that was the first one that slowed down!) BST |
BST, it is a vast global conspiracy perpetrated by the Alliance of One Legged People Persons. You see, they have used their manipulations of clothes dryer manufacturers to ensure that a secret panel inside the drum of the dryer steals one of every few pairs of socks to benefit those who despise the idea of having to purchase socks in pairs when only need one sock do they.
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Why does my cat keep staring at the wall?
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Why is the coffee always BITTER toward the END of the POT?
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Flamingo Girl:
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shiningstar:
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:cool: |
O Wise One!
Who will win the 2004 Presidential elections in the United States? |
Oh great and powerful En-Wise One,
why are noses, fingers and feet so dang difficult to draw accurately? A frustrated, artistic goldcenturian |
Laura Elizabeth:
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:warrior: VOTE 14TH IN 2004!!!! :warrior: |
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:p |
Oh great and wase as i mean one. how come i have the munchies all the time.it happens after i smoke those funny cigarettes
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Deckape:
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The above service message has been brought to you by The Know-It-All Cause for Ultimate Knowitality. :light: |
CUTE 14th colony ;-) :D
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Thank you! But you've never seen my pic, so how do you know 14th Colony is cute? :p
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LOL :D
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Oh bottomless pit of very funny and clever wisdom :), I have a quandary for you.
The first computers boasted barely 16k of memory, no hard disk drive, and crawled along at a measly 1 Mhz. So why does a 21st century computer with 256MB of memory, a huge hard disk drive and screaming along at 2.5 GHz take a gazillion times longer to turn on and off? Inquiring beavers wanna know! :D :beaver: :muffit: |
so do :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien:
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Muffit,
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I can give you one bit of advice, however, and that is leave your comp on at all times. I leave mine on 24/7 with a screensaver, and only log off the internet when I'm not using it and close all my programs. It doesn't hurt the comp at all (look at businesses that leave their comps on all day long even when they're not being used.), and it's always booted up when I need it so I never have to wait. |
I was doing that 14th colony but my hubby was having a cow
so I have to shut it off at night. :( |
Thanks 14th! Actually, I just got XP and all the slowness problems of on/off are gone now. Takes only 35 seconds to boot, cool!
Thanks for the advice though! :) :muffit: P.S. That was a good analogy you gave (and you know I love analogies :)) |
I agree with Muffit
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What a grand feeling, to be able to help people in such an all important, far reaching manner. Don't forget to leave a quarter on the table before you leave. :halo:
Shiningstar, because of the noise the comp makes from the fan? I used to hate that sound, and the buzz of the comp when all is quiet, so I had to turn it off at night. But now since I stay up late every night by the time I'm ready for bed I'm sleepy enough that I don't even hear it. On the other hand I used to have my tower set atop my bedroom desk. Now it's tucked out of the way under the desk, which is obviously why I don't hear it like I used to. Anyway, Muffit, glad to help, and Shining Star too. Just come to me for all your unknowing knowurgencies and quests for knowledge, and pass the word along to all your friends and relatives and neighbors and doctors and co-workers and strangers on the street. When there's a mystery you want to beat, Doctor 14th is the one to meet. =) BTW, I'm surprised no one has asked me yet why the sky is blue. That's my favorite one to answer. |
Oh, Great Wise One, I have a question that has puzzled me since I was very young. Can you answer it?
Why is the sky blue? Humbly, I am Dawg :warrior: |
Dawg:
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You see, the reason for the sky being blue, is as follows: Many many many many many many many years ago there was a planet called Bleoou which orbitted the sun from a distance between Mars and Jupiter. Bleoou was a gasous world with a thick, gooey atmosphere consisting of an isonosphere, a stratosphere, a gambadgrasphere, an agroogelsphere, and a bloobesphere. The bloobesphere was the majority of existing atmosphere on Bleoou, containing several gasses including H20, and it was thick and gooey. Roughly many many many many many many many many many years ago, a gargantuan meteor that was really big traveling through space at speeds in excess of very very very fast, collided with the doomed planet, and Bleoou went kablooey. The planet was cracked into millions and lots of pieces of all different sizes ranging from itty bitty to "geez, look at the size of that thing", and those pieces now make up the asteroid field out there beyond Mars but before the Jupiter off ramp. So much for the hard part of Bleoou. As for the atmosphere, most of it was dissipated into the void of space, but the thick gooey bloobesphere was sent hurdling across the several miles until it slapped into the third rock from the sun and got stuck there due to its gooeyness. Over time the glob of bloobesphere spread around the Earth's outer bubblesphere until it completely enveloped it and was absorbed into it. From that point on, it gave off its particular hue in the daylight hours due to sunlight shining through it, which is why in daytime we see the sky as the color of the bloobesphere from Bleoou. And that color, in honor of the calamity of the bashed Bleoou and the light of the bloobesphere, is called blue. And now you know why the sky is blue and why blue is called blue. :uhdrop: |
I 'do'? :confused:
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You don't? Have I not explained the reason fully why the sky is blue? Are you still in the dark? Or were you just rhyming "do" with "blue"?
Don't forget rule #3! =) |
LOL 14th colony ;)
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