SEX....

[thomas7g]

I knew that would make you look!

:D

[jjrakman]

All right, I'll bite.

I'm pretty hammered right about now, so I'll tell you my strangest sex story.

If your easily offended, please click on a Muffit thread right now. ( no offense Muffit, I love you.)

Well, I used to work in what I affectinoately call, The Toothe Factory. It was a company that used to make bridges and crowns for dentists. I was hired because I have certain artistic abilities. Basically it's alot of making teeth impressions with plaster, forming the crown with wax on the impression, and using the wax to make a mold for metal.

What alot of people really don't know, is the crwon and bridge making community, is filled with druggies. I would go to work, and watch people who arfe supposed to measure things by the 10th of a millimeter, smoke weed while on their lunch break.

Anyway, there was this broad. There always is. And me and her had alot in common with the movies we liked, we were both very to the point and witty, flirted alot at work. She though was straight and didn't partake of the herbal goodness. Either did I, at the time. So, we kind of bonded, although she was sort of seeing someone.

Anyway, one fateful Friday she say's, oh meet me at such and such a bar tonight. So I said okay. Now normally I don't go out till at least 11:00 p.m. So I meet her at the bar, and she had been drinking since 9 so she was a little lit.

She put ice down the back of my shirt, her way of flirting. Then, she started giving me the come hither finger to go outside with her. Out on the patio, she attacked meand started making out with me. Then, we went back inside. In the bar her familyu was ther. So she says to me, " I gotta take my grandma home, then we can go where you want."

So, I said okay. I follow her to her Ma's house, wehre she lived. She drops off her grandma at her ma's house and my car dies right outside so I go in. ( my car had a bad alternator). So, while inside her Ma asks me if I want to toke alittle off of her stash. I say, "no, but thansk."

Anyway, we leave and she asks me what I want to do with my car. I say, " why don't you just come ot my place," like an idiot. She says, "o.k. But first I have to go to my boyfriend's house and get my dog." I'm like, "whatever."

So, we go to her boyfriend house and she get's her dog while I wait in her car. Then, we go to my place and try to get it on. She bringsm her dog into my room. So I'm trying to get it on with this chick that I actually kind of liked.

There's alittle X-Rated stuff going on. And while I'm trying my best to perform, I got her dog, l;icking in places it shouldn't be licking. So I'm there, trying to "rock her world" while trying to kick away the dog at the same time.

Eventually the sun came up and she said she had to go. So she left with the dog.

The next day my roommate aske dme, "was there a dog here last night?"

I just didn't know what to say.

Believe me, I wish I was making all of this up. I really, really do.

Mods, please feel free to delete this, as tomorrow, I'm sure I'll wish you had. :)

[Rayvn]

Sweet mother of Hentai. :D

[nightscape2112]

lol

[Flamingo Girl]

Well, that was.....disturbing....

[Proximo]

Woof.

[amberstar]

You must have been hammered JJ. :cool:
You were brave to share that info!

Amberstar:D

[BST]

...And who says guys can't multi-task!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[The 14th Colony]

Okay, that was some story. I have to ask you, JJ, in fact the rules of curiosity dictate that I must ask you this...
Who performed better during your 3-way, the woman or the dog? And did you do it doggie style (that would explain the dog's desire to get involved)? :kiss: :woof: :drool:

[The 14th Colony]

You obviously enjoy "ruff" sex. :woof:

[thomas7g]

did my forums suddenly turn purple on me?

:eek:

[repcisg]

I don't know about purple but things do seem to have a blue tint.

[BST]

Originally posted by conundrum7g
did my forums suddenly turn purple on me?

:eek:



??? :wtf: ( Did I miss something? The boat? The train? Da Plane? )

[nightscape2112]

tom

you need to put a flashing neon light in front of this thread. lol

nightscape

[thomas7g]

ACK! JJ! What are you doing to my forums lately!!?!?!?

*dies*

[BST]

Still waiting for the ---- *thud* (Tom)

:D :D

[The 14th Colony]

Judging by Tom's reaction, I shouldn't tell my story of when I was 15 years old and had a thing with a 30+ year old married woman who's kinky husband enjoyed watching, huh?

[jjrakman]

Sweet mother of Hentai.

:woof: :beer: :laugh: Uh. who is Hentai?

Well, that was.....disturbing....

Yeah, well it was for me too! I always find myself in these awkward social situations. I swear to God it's not my fault!:D

You must have been hammered JJ.

I was. I love to post with a buzz. :beer: I am an Irish American Milwaukeean after all. In fact, I have a buzz now...:D But even though the story is embarrassing for me, I like to tell it, because it makes people laugh at the rediculousness of my life.:D

...And who says guys can't multi-task!!!

Yes, but not by choice!:D

Okay, that was some story. I have to ask you, JJ, in fact the rules of curiosity dictate that I must ask you this...Who performed better during your 3-way, the woman or the dog? And did you do it doggie style (that would explain the dog's desire to get

Well, if you must know. I suppose I never got a call back,, even though it was HER dog. So I guess that should answer your question. but in my defense, how the hell could I be expected to perform in that kind of situation? I did my best. As far as doggie style, it was attempted, but.... well I'm sure you can fill in the blank.

You obviously enjoy "ruff" sex.

Nice.:D

ACK! JJ! What are you doing to my forums lately!!?!?!?

Sorry dude!:D Hey, you started this thread!:D And thers' more where that came from if more people tell THEIR stories...

I shouldn't tell my story of when I was 15 years old and had a thing with a 30+ year old married woman who's kinky husband enjoyed watching, huh?

Do tell. I was hoping more people would tell stories than just react to mine. Tom, you've opened a Pandora's box here. Although I don't blame you if I find this thread closed.:D

I just hope I made people laugh. That sotry always makes people laugh. Even though it's at my expense. :D

Maybe you should open up a Red Shoes Diaries forum. :D

[CaptainTux]

THis is the Galactica Cafe. Conundrum starteed this and JJ took it to places where no one has yert gone here. I wantr to hear 14th colony story because I am very very very very very amused!

[nightscape2112]

jj, "hentai" is japanese cartoon erotica.

nightscape

[Rayvn]

Yup, Nightscape. Don't forget about how freaky it is infamous for being, too. :D

Tentacles, anyone?

*shudder*

*sweeps the smut away from the forums* Poor Tommy. :)

[ojai22]

JJ: LMAO!

14th Colony: Let's hear it!


:bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:


:woof: :woof: :woof: :woof: :laugh:

[The 14th Colony]

Okay, let me get a drink and then I will tell the tale.

[Stray Viper]

Make that several drinks. ;-)

[The 14th Colony]

Well I couldn't make it back last night, as CF was going down off line and then getting it up and coming back online, which sounds like a sex story as well. So perhaps now I will tell the story...

[The 14th Colony]

Okay, here is the story.

I was 15. "Sara" was in her early 30's. Her husband "John" was too. I met them at a health club and gym that I worked out at, though I often did more socializing than I did working out. I often joked around with Sara and John, and once when only Sara was there I casually and fascitiously asked her if she would let me take pictures of her nude. I was surprised when she said yes, and I was certain that she was merely joking back with me. I had their phone number and I started calling Sara as soon as I got home from school to chat with her. I must admit, I developed a crush on her, and I was amazed that she had interest in me as a friend to chat with, and I was yet to discover the other interests she had toward me.

One evening in the health club co-ed whirlpool, I was next to Sara and talked to her about the nude pics that I still couldn't believe she said yes to. Well, I had other interests as well, and I was filled with terror at the idea of proposing them, to a married adult woman no less. Well, I put my hand on her thigh (under the hot water and bubbles) and asked her, "So, um, besides taking pictures, what else do you want to do?"
She asked, "What did you have in mind?" and put her hand on my hand. I thought she was going to push my hand off of her thigh, but no, she pulled my hand..."in", if you get my meaning.

So there I was, 15 and overwhelmed with excitement with my hand in a 30+ married woman, feeling like I was all alone with her because the tinted window seperating the dimly-lit hot tub room from the work out room was too dark for anybody on the other side, in the brightly lit room, to see through. Or so I thought. I never expected to become the talk of the health club, but apparently word got around fast and the owners found out by the end of the night. I had to endure a lot of jokes from them later about it.

The next week, alone in the hot tub again (John often worked late and didn't come to the club with her), I put my hand on Sara's leg again but she stopped me and reminded me that people could see us. So I suggested that we go into the steam room. And there, in the steamy room, Sara and I created even more steam. We smooched and hugged each other (use your imagination...I'm trying to keep this tame for Conundrum's sake!), and then I nervously suggested that she give me a...um...a wet kiss. I don't mean on the mouth. :D So there I was, 15 and excited with a 30+ woman, getting my first wet kiss. :kiss: Yowsa!!!!!:drool:

So, I later learned via our phone conversations, that Sara and John were swingers. They had tried the wife-swapping scene and other such kinky exchanges. This was in the early 1980's, before AIDS was an issue. I learned that kinky Sara wanted to experiment with the excitement of being with a 15 year old boy, who just happened to be me. Me, I just wanted the excitement of being with an adult woman, who gave unbelievably good wet kisses, the best imaginable. Of couse, I had no other partners to compare her to, but I was convinced that no one could give them better than she could. She was very, very good.

I must admit something. Talking to her on the phone every day, and being with her physically, well, I was 15 you understand...I think I was in love with her. :love: I really do.

Along comes another night. John and Sara are in the whirlpool across from me, and according to the plan (Sara's idea) I was supposed to ask John for permission to photograph Sara naked. I was nervous, and her feet under the water rubbing my legs to coax me on made me even more nervous. But finally I asked, and John said okay. Later that night, alone with him outside the club, he told me that if I did anything with Sara without him being there, behind his back, I wouldn't be working out anymore because I'd be in the hospital with broken bones. I was such a dumb smart ass that I went, "Yeah right." But then I thought about his threat later on and I got nervous. The next time I talked with Sara on the phone, I asked her if John was in the Mafia. She told me no, but that he had "friends". She told me not to worry, but I told her that I imagined John picking me up in the car, taking me to the harbor and putting me in cement shoes, and dumping me in the water. She laughed and told me I shouldn't think about stuff like that.

Okay, another night. The plan was for her to pick me up after my work out, outside and near the gym (I forgot to mention that she was kicked out of the gym by the owner after word of our steam room session got out. One of the workers had walked in after the wet kiss was done and saw me with my shorts, uh, undone. Yeah, she was told not to come back, but the owners then bugged me to give them juicy details. Hypocrites!). She had told me that John was busy somewhere else, but that he was okay with she and I being together. But then along comes her car, with John driving and her in the passenger seat, and he tells me, "Get in." I was a bit nervous. I ask, "Where are we going?" and he tells me, "You'll see." Okay, I'm getting more nervous. Then we get there and park in a parking sace, and I see boat masts and docks. He had taken me to the harbor! I was about ready at that point to excrete a brick right there in the back seat. Then Sara is topless and telling me to come between the bucket seats and make out with her. I hesitated, because in that position, John would be right behind my head and back and could easily slip a garrot around my neck. The windows were tinted and no one could see in. I was very nervous. But then I relented and did as she wanted me to do. Before long, positions changed and she was giving me a wet kiss with John watching.

Another night comes, in the car, another wet kiss, John watching.
Another night, this time in their home, several wet kisses, John watching.
Some more nights, more wet kisses, John always there watching. I can only imagine the wild sex they must have had after I left.
Sara and I talked on the phone about us making love, about her being my first, and she wanted to. I wanted to. She told me John was okay with it. But sadly, that event never happened because seeing her wasn't so easy after a while with their work schedules and me being 15 then 16 and having to manage rides over there without my mom figuring out what I was doing and who I was doing it with. When I was 17 I still talked to her on the phone but we never got to be together again. My girlfriend when I was 17 wasn't as open as John was, and wouldn't be willing to go along with it. Too bad. John might have enjoyed her. LOL.

So that is the story. I do not condone adultery and don't agree with that kind of behavior now, but at the time, it was a 15 year old's dream come true. Heh heh heh...:laugh:

To top off this story, my 17 year old girlfriend at the time who didn't want me to see Sara again, also would not give me wet kisses. But I was still a virgin, and she became my first in that area. :D

[The 14th Colony]

Now I wait nervously for Conundrum's reaction and inevitable *Thud!*
:rolleyes:

[jjrakman]

Well, now I don't feel like such an idiot. Maybe next time you'd like to invite my third party to your party.

http://www.clean-funny.com/pics/animal-strange-weird-dog-longest-tung.jpg

[BSG_Sci_FiPulse]

Funny story JJ. Here is one which was at my expense. It is not a sexual story, because my sexual storys are just that sexual lol. But this story will probably get a few giggles.

At one stage in my life I was a performing arts student at Abraham Moss College in Manchester. In fact I studied for a total of six year, was regularly in school plays usually in a leading or a supporting role, and well to be honest most of my childhood involved performing and the arts.

Anyway I was in my second year at Abraham Moss and we were putting on a performance of the musical version of the melo drama 'Sweeny Todd' I got the part of the joiner or the engineer who designed Sweeny Todds Barbers chair in this particuler performance. So I was only actually on stage in the first two acts of the play, as well as the final act.

So most of my time off stage was as a stage hand.

Anyway we were about halfway through the evenings performance, had just done my bits and we had to change the set around from someones home to Sweeney Todds Barbers shop. So myself and another of the stage hands have to move this three peice suite off of the stage. We eventually get the big peice of hulking furniture backstage in a matter of seconds, but essentially with are still on the raised platform of the stage only we are behind the big big mural of the set. So we stary backing the furtiture off of the stage completely, only I am the poor sap that happens to be walking backwards. All of a sudden I am right at the edge of the stage, lose my balance and literally fall off the stage, the furniture however remains intact, but I land squarely on my backside and for about three days afterward I had the bruises to prove it.

Of course everyone backstage including myself did our upmost to avoid giggling because the new scene was being played out on stage. However once we got out into the green room we could not contain the laughter.

[CaptainTux]

When I was a Sophomore in college I commuted to school for no other reason than I had a love affair with a 76 Buick I had at the time. It was 70 miles a day I put on that car every day. I carpooled with a guy named Al. Al was a 6'1" Latino with curly hair and muscles and all the girls were ga ga for him. He started dating this gilr named Y'vette.

He did not have a car that was dependable and Y'vette lived on campus so he would bribr me to drive her over and take her home. I like hanging out on campus and I had another reason to drive my car so it was all good.

Well, as time went on, Y'vette and I would talk and talk and talk during the car rides. I was smitten and increasingly convinced Al did not need her, but if I stopped being chauffer(SP?), then I lose my talks.

She was part of our schools choir and every Spring Break they would tour somewhere. Thas year it was London.

She was gone for three days and I had this strange burst of passion and energy. My mother worked for United Airlines and they had a joint discount with British Airway's. Next thing I know I am boarding a plane headed for Heathrow with no luggage and a credit card!

I arrived there at 5AM London time. I called her from the airport and asked her where she wanted to go to dinner after her performance. SHe said ha ha very funny and do I know what time it is in England. I told her I was in the airport and very serious.

I was at her room in a few hours for some very serious "I can't believe a guy would do this for me" love makeing. Then she performed her choir duties and we went for another few rounds of what was very incredible and passionate events by not only a 20 year old's standards, but that of my adult reccollection.

Unbfortunately, the instructor found there was a roomate for Y'vette and I was asked to leave. Though I had a credit card, the limit was not all that...so I boarded a plane for home.

Whne she came back we dated for a good year and a half until I decided I did not want to become a minister any longer. Unfortunately she was dead set on being a Pastor's wife. I spent more time on a plane then a did in London, but it was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo worth it!

CHEERS!!!

[nightscape2112]

i think i heard a "thud". quick someone check on tom :)

nightscape

[originalsinner]

Ron Moore is writing ideas down.

[CaptainTux]

If he uses imy life...I want money!!! A lot of it!!!

[The 14th Colony]

jjrakman:
Well, now I don't feel like such an idiot. Maybe next time you'd like to invite my third party to your party.
Whoa! That dog looks like he could really be man's best friend! No wonder your date wanted her dog to come too, to take care of both you and her at the same time! LOL!

[The 14th Colony]

When I was a Sophomore in college I commuted to school for no other reason than I had a love affair with a 76 Buick...
I can tell without reading any further that this is obviously the kinkiest sex story so far! !p

[Stray Viper]

Originally posted by originalsinner
Ron Moore is writing ideas down.

LOL! :p